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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help Ladies! do I have anything to worry about

30 replies

scrasey · 26/11/2014 22:58

Hi there,

I'm hoping for a lady's perspective on this, as I'm not sure if I am over reacting.

My girlfriend who I love and live with was joking on facebook about giving oral sex to a guy she went on a date with once. it looks like really OTT flirting to me, and as well as that, she occasionally posts pics of celebrities with captions such as "I would" etc. she spends a massive amount of time on facebook, but isn't trying to hide it although there is a password on her phone (it's always been there). we've argued tonight. not because of jelousy, but because I thought it was a little disrespectful. last night it was one of the comments about the celebrity, tonight it's the oral sex, which went something like "is Bow Jb two words or one as I need to thank someone". she replied "LMAO I'm not sure", to which he replied "it was you I wanted to thank" and she said "I aim to please". to me this is bit more than banter and shows a complete lack of respect I think. what do you think? over reacting, disrespectful or do I have more to worry about? It also seems like half of her male friends on facebook are ex's to one degree or another. I haven't been to nervous up to now but having a wobble, so a womans perspective on this would be great.

Thanks

OP posts:
nicola1904 · 26/11/2014 23:13

I think the posting pics of celebs etc is harmless and normal..most people have a thing for celebrities ?? having a conversation like that on fb with your ex is wrong if you are in a relationship!! It's dis respectful and you just don't do it.. I would def have more than a few things to say about it if it was my partner

jasper · 26/11/2014 23:17

very disrespectful.
Have a word with her about it . Don't put up with it.
I don't think it matters whether it is a woman's or a man's perspective. I think the celebrity " I would " comments are not on either .
How is your relationship otherwise?

FolkGirl · 26/11/2014 23:17

I wouldn't do it and I'd dump someone who disrespected me like that in a public forum...

justmuddlingalong · 26/11/2014 23:21

The blow job/blowjob comment is way out of order. Very disrespectful and not acceptable IMO.

Riverland · 26/11/2014 23:27

All sounds like the banter of someone single.

CookieDoughKid · 26/11/2014 23:32

Or someone who doesn't take you seriously.

AlfAlf · 26/11/2014 23:34

I would not be happy.

How long have you been with her?
If the oral sex happened in the past, why is he thanking her now?

Preciousbane · 26/11/2014 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coyoacan · 26/11/2014 23:36

Sorry, OP. What can I say? She wouldn't be my type of person but has she always been like this? Was she like this when you first started going out with her?

Original poster
scrasey · 26/11/2014 23:36

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. apparently there was no oral sex. (i know what you are all going to say). I've been with her nearly a year and moved in a couple of months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
scrasey · 26/11/2014 23:36

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. apparently there was no oral sex. (i know what you are all going to say). I've been with her nearly a year and moved in a couple of months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
scrasey · 26/11/2014 23:36

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. apparently there was no oral sex. (i know what you are all going to say). I've been with her nearly a year and moved in a couple of months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
scrasey · 26/11/2014 23:36

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. apparently there was no oral sex. (i know what you are all going to say). I've been with her nearly a year and moved in a couple of months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
scrasey · 26/11/2014 23:36

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. apparently there was no oral sex. (i know what you are all going to say). I've been with her nearly a year and moved in a couple of months ago.

OP posts:
Tobyjugg · 26/11/2014 23:40

I'd be having serious doubts and be looking for a way out.

badbaldingballerina123 · 26/11/2014 23:41

Ugh. I'd be rethinking this.

justmuddlingalong · 26/11/2014 23:43

What do you think we're going to say? That she's backtracking, lying or minimising? If you have issues with her behaviour but she doesn't own it, I think you may be having more "wobbles" in future.

dirtybadger · 27/11/2014 01:01

I am quite a crass and "vulgar" person in many ways but both these things are bloody weird.

The celeb thing is common but I wouldn't personally want to have much to do with the sort of people who do it. It's superficial and nauseating. I don't care much for incessant documentation of peoples existence. Wtf does anyone else care about a celebrity you fancy (if she posts regularly, if it's been once or twice, alright)? That is personal though. Rant over.

The second bit sounds like she gave a dude oral sex recently and I don't know how you would read it any other way. And now they're trying to organise a rematch in the most juvenile and awkward way possible. He sounds creepy/sleazy/immature and I would suggest if she wasn't flattered/fancied him, she'd see that and give him a very cold response. Frozen.
She sounds like she's enjoying the attention too much to tell him where to go. They might not end up at it again but he's sure to have a go.

badbaldingballerina123 · 27/11/2014 01:08

Are these messages public ?

daisychain01 · 27/11/2014 03:55

Your GF lacks boundaries and is unaware of how she sounds and comes across online.

I would talk with her and if she doesn't change I would seriously consider your future with her.

LadyBlaBlah · 27/11/2014 07:22

Was this 'banter' with a known ex?

If not, sounds to me like she was just naive / man pleasing replying to some jock straps crap joke...and he got his punchline out and she giggled along like a good girl.

I agree her boundaries seem a bit skew but not necessarily because she's a bad person, more that she's been conditioned a man pleaser. Also wouldn't assume she's given said man a blow job.
(According to autocorrect, it's 2 words Wink)

Original poster
scrasey · 27/11/2014 08:07

thanks again everyone. to ladyblahblah, no not a known ex, and she says it was a joke and I have no sense of humour. I see it as a publicly humiliating come on and acceptance. I don't think I have a great deal of choice here. apparently my being hurt and disappointed at her behaviour makes me the unreasonable one. thanks everyone for the advice, appreciate it.

OP posts:
LadyBlaBlah · 27/11/2014 10:22

That's what I mean about skewed boundaries. She doesn't have any.
That's the problem you are facing.

And I personally think because of this your instinct is right and she's very susceptible to being "swept off her feet" or some other 'romantic' bollocks.

ruddygreattiger · 27/11/2014 10:29

Reverse the situation, if it was you propositioning women publicly online would she be totally hunky-dory with that??
Sorry as someone above said she sounds very immature and attention-seeking with zero respect for you.
If my husband did what she was doing I would be seriously considering if our relationship had any future.

VodkaJelly · 27/11/2014 11:07

If my DP did this with another woman I would have his balls for earings. Totally disrepectful, and I would be very upset over it. But, I would never ever do that to him, I have a line that I will not cross and that isnt crossing the line it is pole vaulting over it.