"Adultery - sexual intercourse at anytime before a decree absolute"....so MORE enforced celibacy then!

[what2eatwhenurbored]

Wow - just read this on uk website.

So just as I've just been advised to get a separation agreement ASAP to get on with my life from a controlling husband, now I can't have a sexual relationship throughout the coming the months...years?? In case he finds out and could then contest the agreement to punish me and make my life worse?!

Not sure I can cope!! Feel like everyone says it's okay to date soon as I've been so lonely for years - maybe not??

Any real/first-hand experience of how this might work in real life???

Where did you read that?

Why don't you get divorced then ?

Genuine question.

How would your ex find out you were having sex with someone else? Does he sleep in the bedroom with you

Also, what website was that on?

Sorry, that was unacceptably blunt.

I'll soften it. What I meant was, why don't you get divorced instead of a separation agreement ?

Also, if this is true (I have no idea if it is, but doubt it somehow) surely the same applies to him ?

Don't get bogged down in semantics. You are separated and in the process of becoming divorced I assume? Then you are single and free to shag who you see fit.

What does semantics mean?

Don't worry, just googled it.

A Shit Hot Lawyer doesn't know what semantics means ?

If you are married and have sex with a person of the opposite sex then you commit adultery. However this would not make a difference to how your divorce proceeded pr what each of you got in terms of the family assets. So he cannot use this to punish you. Divorce is not fault based. HTH.

Clearly not that shit hot then

oi!

I'm a namechanger usedto be Not Such A Smug Married Now so not really a lawyer (as if you hadn't guessed)

heh

OP, who told you this piece of information ? Your SoonToBeEx by any chance ?

Hi I'm totally getting divorced!!!!!!

Just that it will take ages so the priority is separation agreement for financial and childcare arrangements and I was told this was almost as good as a divorce in that I can do things like remortgage or get a promotion and not worry about him getting his hands on it.

That is reassuring MontserratC!!! Thanks and thanks to everyone else for bumping up the board :)

Guess I'll ask my solicitor on Monday and stay away from crappy sites.

Scroll midway to legal glossary
www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/process.htm

I would imagine adultery would be difficult to prove if it happens after you are living separately?

Also, I think a separation agreement can be overturned at a later date.

Eg you could agree now not to split a pension but that doesn't mean your ex couldn't apply for a share at some point in the future.

I'd maybe get advice from more than one solicitor on that score, just to check it definitely is the best option.

Technically/legally what you are saying is correct it is adultery, but he'd be hard pushed to prove it. My stbxh and I split because of his adultery. My divorce will be through any week now and I haven't kept celebate

I don't think your sexual behaviour has any effect on your divorce settlement, these days.

a separation agreement is just extra money for solicitors. just divorce.

Actually I read something legally that backs up what the OP is saying....it was an interview with a judge who presides over divorce cases in court and he admitted that women who have already begun a new relationship are not looked upon as favourably and are usually awarded financially less.

Yes if you are in a new relationship which shows that you are looking to cohabit, you have to disclose it as part of the financial agreement.

Whether you adhere to that advice really depends on whether the twat you are being divorced by (or divorcing) is a total twat or just a mildly irritating STBXH as to whether you wish to heed this advice!

You have a separation agreement so, theoretically, can have a different man (or woman) every day of the week, with a rest day on Sundays, should you chose (albeit it will still be adultery). But move on too quickly, and it CAN affect your financial settlement (e.g. if you move in with someone), it can also send the other side into Righteous Indignation and then it makes it difficult to calm them down to negotiate.

I was advised to be very careful about 'moving on' before divorce because I am divorcing a twat. But in future, I shall move on and make moves should I want. Depends on what I want, though, dunnit?

Ems its pure misogyny and what proves it is that it also used to happen to war widows who managed to find happiness again How very dare they They used to lose their pensions if they remarried and this has only been changed very recently.

Adulterer here
Between split and Decree Absolute.
It was good to have decent sex again!!!

Yes, it's adultery. It's hard to prove though. But what's the worst that can happen? He divorces you (saving you the trouble of divorcing him!) for adultery. It makes NO difference to settlement, that isn't a moral judgement.

On the form with the Consent Order, you do tick a box to say if you're on verge on cohabiting or marrying. There is no box to say "having kicked the loser out of my life, I'm having great fun shagging again, thank you". there should be!

I've just divorced my ex for adultery (uncontested, so no proof required) and it made no difference to the settler discussion with solicitor.

Be careful with the separation agreement though - it is my understanding that ONLY a consent order totally protects you from a later financial claim.

Assuming you're in the UK most divorces are 'no fault' and even if there is evidence of fault, it makes no material difference to the outcome. Adultery is a reason that can be used to end a marriage earlier rather than later but otherwise it's irrelevant. Courts look for fair solutions, not punishment.