Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Christmas related flounce

52 replies

Onmyownwith4kids · 18/11/2014 20:57

I'm trying so hard to be reasonable but it always ends in him flouncing off. Ex husband now living with woman he had affair with wants to spend night at my house Christmas Eve and have Christmas morning with kids. Last Christmas he did but that was when he was supposedly no longer with ow and would do anything to make marriage work. He actually went straight from us to her where they discussed how resilient my kids would be to divorce. I feel they're a couple now. I have the right to Christmas without him in my house and he can take them out. He says I'm being selfish and kids have right to mum and dad in own home. Surely they need to see we are no longer a family

OP posts:

iwantavuvezela · 18/11/2014 20:58

I think you are absolutely right, you do not need to let him stay if you do not want to. He had a cheek calling YOU selfish.

M00nUnit · 18/11/2014 21:00

Stick to your guns. He has NO right to spend Christmas night and Christmas morning at your house! He's crazy to expect you to agree to that.

BitchPeas · 18/11/2014 21:00

Tell him to fuck off. He can pick them up at x time convinient to you.

But then I'm cold as ice. When he is spouting all his kids rights bollocks remind him when he stuck his dick in someone else he lost the right to sleep in your home.

Canyouforgiveher · 18/11/2014 21:01

kids have right to mum and dad in own home

Tell him its a pity he didn't think about his childrens' rights before he decided to have an affair and move out.

You have the right not to have him in your house over christmas. Your children have the right to see him over that time but not in your house and certainly not involving him staying over. Talk about having your cake and eating it too.

Or you could look him in the eye and say if he insists on staying over, you will be telling his new squeeze that you spent the night having torid sex and you much prefer being the other woman. Just kidding.

Original poster

Onmyownwith4kids · 18/11/2014 21:07

He would be unfaithful to her if I'd let him. Thanks so much for all your thoughts. He always makes me feel so nasty. His mum will be on the phone next calling me a controlling bitch like last time I upset him. Just want control over my life without him in in but they see that as being vindictive

OP posts:

maras2 · 18/11/2014 21:15

Cheeky sod.Tell him and his fecking interfering mother to FOTHFSOF etc.Oh and don't be tempted to grudge fuck him to make OW jealous you'll regret it.

Lozislovely · 18/11/2014 21:33

He gave up any rights when he chose to cheat on you with OW. Tell him to fuck the fuck off and when he gets there to fuck off some more.

Do not under any circumstances fall for his bullshit. Why should you be put in a position to think he has a right to be in your house.

I'm guessing you are feeling a bit vulnerable? Hold your ground, he's a twat

clam · 18/11/2014 21:38

"He says I'm being selfish and kids have right to mum and dad in own home."

What, like they had before he started shagging someone else and chose to move out?

LineRunner · 18/11/2014 21:43

Tell him to fuck off and tell his mother to join him there.

Seriously, hang up on her if she won't be nice. You are in charge of your home and what goes on in it. He messed up - his problem to deal with now.

He needs to come up with a better suggestion regarding his seeing the DCs at Christmas, that doesn't involve upsetting you or them.

Tobyjugg · 18/11/2014 21:43

Sorry, but this was so sodding cheeky of him that I laughed out loud in sheer disbelief.

IPokeBadgers · 18/11/2014 21:47

He's a dick. Laugh in his face and tell him to jog on.

bloodyteenagers · 18/11/2014 21:49

Tell him to fuck off. His own fault that he won't wake up with the dc's on Christmas morning. He shouldn't have been such a selfish cunt who fucked someone else.
As for his mum. Tell her to fuck off. If she had done her job properly, and raised a man instead of a dirty two timing worm, then you wouldn't have to be a controlling bitch.

rootypig · 18/11/2014 21:51

So though he had an affair, you are now somehow responsible for keeping the family together, and cooking his dinner to boot? Sheer brass neck. Off he fucks.

paddlenorapaddle · 18/11/2014 21:52

What a dick next time he says something like this laugh and detach

Your home your rules change the locks while you are at it

You deserve some peace in your own home

LineRunner · 18/11/2014 21:52

That's a fair few fuck offs, OP, on the thread. I feel the weight of opinion may just be with you

Original poster

Onmyownwith4kids · 18/11/2014 22:17

You're all great at helping me through this fuckwittery. I am a soft touch. I hate seeing people upset but he has been astonishing. Even introduced ow to his mum during the affair. She thought it was fine. He had to make his choice she said. I feel like he can have his lovely carefree relationship and waltz back to play daddy when he fancies. 15 months on and I have no feelings left for him but a little jealous that he has someone who loves him. I can't imagine ever having the time. Working, four kids, dealing with squabbles and school runs and washing. It's lovely to get sane lucid advice here away from the entitled idiots that him and his mum have become.

OP posts:

MrsWembley · 18/11/2014 22:35

I creeping in with another 'tell 'im to fuck orf' and just plain laugh at his mother when she tries to say anything.

But really I'm just marking place to see what he says when you tell him where to go...

And you will find love again. If you want it, it will find you...

Peaceloveandbiscuits · 18/11/2014 22:44

My dad used to stay over on Christmas Eve and spend the morning with us. It was nice, but the pain of him leaving at the end of the day to be with his girlfriend was greater than it was nice having him there when we woke up.
Also, looking back it was confusing, and gave us false hope that mum and dad would get back together and we'd be a family again.
So, no. Don't have him to stay over.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/11/2014 23:13

When his mother berates you for upsetting him tell her that you totally agree with her that he was entitled to make his choice, but, having made that choice, he now has to live with the consequences of it

Canyouforgiveher · 18/11/2014 23:30

If I were you I wouldn't pick up the phone to his mother. What's in it for you? nothing. Ignore her.

He can certainly play daddy when he wants - because it is the interest of your children. But you are no longer part of the equation.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be inside the head of someone who has such a sense of fuckwittery entitlement.

You'll rise again OP. And when you do and when you do meet someone else it will be great.

Tobyjugg · 18/11/2014 23:35

I hate seeing people upset

Make it better for him. Tell him he's won this years Nobel Prize for twattery.

Original poster

Onmyownwith4kids · 19/11/2014 08:16

Ex mil can't text me as I blocked her. Sent a text to my 13 year old son instead saying 'mummy is trying to keep daddy away from you at Christmas. Don't let her turn you against your lovely daddy it's not nice what she's doing. " I'm really upset I never say a word against him. I'm just trying to get my own life back. I've said he can have them whenever he wants at Christmas and I will work round it. So angry do everything single handed and then all this carry on when he wants his cosy christmas

OP posts:

Rebecca2014 · 19/11/2014 08:27

Tell him to fuck off.

ohtheholidays · 19/11/2014 08:44

Stick to your guns and your ex-mil sounds like a complete and utter loon.I bet your glad you don't have to spend time with her now!

I'd block her number from your house phone as well and block her phone number from your children's mobiles.What she said to you DC is really very cruel and unhinged!

I'd also speak to a solicitor if your entitled to legal aid they can give you advice about them sending a letter to his mother telling her that she's not to communicate in that way with your children.What she's trying to do is considered emotional abuse of a child by the likes of SS.

And for what it's worth I was a single Mum to 4DC,both of my previous relationships were very abusive.I worked and studied and was chair woman of a local government run charity.One of my DC was autistic and I went on to meet someone,we got married and had our 5th DC together and my DH has adopted my children.It can and does happen.

Original poster

Onmyownwith4kids · 19/11/2014 09:14

That's really lifted my spirits. I grew up in a 'blended' family of 6 children. My stepdad is amazing. I know it can work but mine are really hard work the 3 youngest are very close in age and youngest only 4. They argue and fall out and create chaos. Can't imagine anyone else wanting to deal with that. Husband's girlfriend has met kids twice for bowling. She's never had to deal with the true reality! I keep asking if he can get a house they can have children to stay in ( they live at her parents and have for 15 months) but he just says he can't afford it and he has to see them here. I do feel manipulated and I always thought I was strong!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3