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Original poster

Dating anniversaries- important?

44 replies

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 12:24

My boyfriend of a year didn't acknowledge the anniversary of our first date. Would you consider this a big deal?
I see this as a relationship milestone and I love a chance to celebrate and show the person you are with that you care.
A lot of people don't get even get married these days so I think it's nice to acknowledge this anniversary somewhat.
I'm upset that he didn't deem this date important enough to even buy me a simple card.
I text him in the morning wishing him a good day and a happy one year to us. I also tongue in cheek said "look forward to all the flowers and presents later ;)" semi dropping a hint, as he can be forgetful. His response? "ha"
I said "charming haha" and he replied saying "I won't have time, why do you want flowers?" I messaged back saying "girls love flowers!" To which he replied "true"
So after that rather awkward exchange I rock up at his house in the evening with a card and a nice bottle of wine for us to share and he's empty handed.
Am I wrong for feeling slightly disappointed about this?
When I confronted him he said he thought I was joking in my message earlier that day.
Would you class this as a big deal or are my expectations completely out?

OP posts:

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 12:25

Just to add to this I'm not materialistic. I would have been happy with a nice card and was in no way expecting to be showered with gifts

OP posts:

JennaRainbow · 15/11/2014 12:33

I wouldn't have a clue when our first date was so I'm very impressed you remember! We are married but before that the date we celebrated was when we first decided we were 'together' together, our first date we weren't obviously serious at all.

That said, if something is meaningful to you then your boyfriend should respect that, but in all honesty I do think commemorating your first date is a bit ott, and expecting him to remember it is the same.

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 12:40

We had a conversation prior to this a few months before and I told him I would like to have a date to celebrate. We didn't have "the talk" until 5 months after the first date as I didn't want to pressure him so waited for him to initiate it, but prior to that neither of us were seeing or sleeping with anyone else and nothing particularly changed once we had given ourselves a title. He told me I could decide so I said let's just do it from the first date as we spent lots of time together since then, celebrated Xmas together etc and he agreed.
Maybe I am being a bit melodramatic

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 15/11/2014 12:43

Did he remember your birthday, Valentine's day and Christmas?

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 12:47

Christmas he got me a little stocking which was cute. My birthday was a bottle of champagne and a card (2 months into dating) Valentines day went unmentioned....

OP posts:

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 15/11/2014 12:50

No I'm an adult. Have left school, done puberty, the lot.

magpiegin · 15/11/2014 12:53

This is the kind of thing that is worth discussing in advanced so you both don't have mismatched expectations.

JeanSeberg · 15/11/2014 12:54

So he remembers the important dates. Don't see a problem. You wanted to recognise the anniversary so got him a card/present. He didn't want to. It's a non-issue. Just relax and enjoy dating him.

Tobyjugg · 15/11/2014 13:01

I have no idea when DW and I had our first date. I'm with him, I'm afraid.

OnlyWantsOne · 15/11/2014 13:04

I know that DP and I have been together X years this November... I don't know a date etc

blimey does this make me a bad person?

Ltb

BackforGood · 15/11/2014 13:06

Yes, you're expectations are u reasonably high.
No idea of the date of when dh and I first went out. Wouldn't line Clintons pockets if I did.

ijustwanttobeme · 15/11/2014 13:09

DP and I aren't married. So, we consider our 'anniversary', as the day we met.

We nearly always do something nice that day or weekend near it.

ByTheWishingWell · 15/11/2014 13:18

I'm impressed people know the date they met/ had their first date! Unless it happened to be on a date that was memorable anyway (like meeting on your birthday night out), surely it wouldn't have any significance until much later?

DP and are fairly sure of the month we met. No idea when we made it 'official'. I think if your partner remembers birthdays and Christmas, that's enough. Some people just don't 'do' anniversaries or Valentines Day.

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 15/11/2014 13:20

Having just read your other thread, maybe he didn't take it to be an actual year as its only been 7 'official' months?
I know that my DP doesn't count our anniversary from our first date, we count it from when we decided we were a couple 2.5months later.

Dirtybadger · 15/11/2014 13:21

I'm also with him too I'm afraid. And your text did sound like a joke. Perhaps you should have told him specifically that you'd like to do something that night to celebrate a year since you met?

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 15/11/2014 13:23

Oh I see you have mentioned this in this thread, apologies!

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 13:24

Yes, that's why we had a discussion as I mentioned in the thread about when it would be. So we had already established we would celebrate it from the day we met (it was my sisters birthday so was why it stuck in my brain)

OP posts:

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 13:25

Haha yes wickedwitch :) I guess communication is key here and I now know dropping hints doesn't always work!

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 15/11/2014 13:29

I'm a bit confused. What d you mean about "the talk" and giving yourselves a title?

By the end of our first year neither of us could remember the date of our first date, we knew it was one of the May bank holiday weekends but couldn't remember whether it was the first or second one. We are married, so we celebrate that anniversary (low key, usually cards and maybe chocs only), don't think we would do anything if we weren't married though.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 15/11/2014 13:32

Why did he think you were 'agreeing a date' if it wasn't something you were going to 'mark' in someway?

It does sound very teenageryish - but at the same time, I suppose if I started dating now and we'd agreed a 'date' (which I suppose you would as people always ask how long you have been together - and it's handy to say the same thing?) then it does seem a bit odd that he didn't even get a card or something.

How is he the rest of the time? It's a little unusual not to mark valentines day in any way, even if it's just a text or something if he doesn't buy into the commercialism of it all.

Does he buy you flowers, treat you, do nice things any other time?

Do you?

ChippingInAutumnLover · 15/11/2014 13:33

Whoknows - not everyone chooses to get married. That's not a reason not to celebrate the years passing. No more no less reason than a wedding anniversary.

RebeccaCloud9 · 15/11/2014 13:43

My dp and I will have been together 10 years in February and we always celebrate the date we met. Nothing wrong with a bit of romance! If it's important to you, tell him and he should be better next year.

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 13:45

He's not really the romantic type as such but always generous when it comes to meals out and drinks ect. His wage is much larger than mine so usually when we go out he will buy the meal and I will do the drinks and it usually works quite well.
He can be slightly insensitive to my feelings sometimes though.
For his birthday I arranged a day out for him to a big NFL game as he loves American football along with a few other bits and pieces. It was hard getting hold of the tickets, so I was delighted when I actually managed to get some and hoped he would be really pleased! Though when he opened the tickets he told me he had already told "the lads" he would go with them (despite them not even buying the tickets yet) so asked me if I would be able to sell them and get my money back. I can't deny that did upset me somewhat

OP posts:

Chalalala · 15/11/2014 13:51

I think it's a classic case of miscommunication - hints and joking texts won't work, because some people (not just men, but often men) just work in a very straightforward way.

If something is important to you, just tell him clearly and plainly. You'd be surprised how well it works.

Took me several years of dating now-DH to understand this, and life is so much simpler now.

NickiFury · 15/11/2014 13:53

To me the only anniversaries that matter are actual formal events. Weddings, birthdays etc. I confess, that when people tell me it's the one year anniversary of their first kiss or whatever I just think "so what?".

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