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Original poster

Dating anniversaries- important?

44 replies

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 12:24

My boyfriend of a year didn't acknowledge the anniversary of our first date. Would you consider this a big deal?
I see this as a relationship milestone and I love a chance to celebrate and show the person you are with that you care.
A lot of people don't get even get married these days so I think it's nice to acknowledge this anniversary somewhat.
I'm upset that he didn't deem this date important enough to even buy me a simple card.
I text him in the morning wishing him a good day and a happy one year to us. I also tongue in cheek said "look forward to all the flowers and presents later ;)" semi dropping a hint, as he can be forgetful. His response? "ha"
I said "charming haha" and he replied saying "I won't have time, why do you want flowers?" I messaged back saying "girls love flowers!" To which he replied "true"
So after that rather awkward exchange I rock up at his house in the evening with a card and a nice bottle of wine for us to share and he's empty handed.
Am I wrong for feeling slightly disappointed about this?
When I confronted him he said he thought I was joking in my message earlier that day.
Would you class this as a big deal or are my expectations completely out?

OP posts:

Chalalala · 15/11/2014 13:59

incidentally today is the 10-year anniversary of my first date with DH, and it definitely counts as a landmark for us. Nothing outlandish, but it's acknowledged.

there is no right or wrong answer about what landmarks are important, the important thing is for you to be clear about how you feel about it. Your boyfriend sounds like a straight shooter who needs to be told specifically how you feel about things, as he probably won't guess it!

Original poster

VIX1307 · 15/11/2014 14:03

I agree! I suppose it does take the romance out of it somewhat having to tell them what you expect but I think that will be the only way
Congratulations on your 10 year milestone!

OP posts:

Chalalala · 15/11/2014 14:08

yep - took me a while to come to terms with the lack of romance too, but I can promise you I am so much happier since I stopped torturing myself with the idea that he should just know, or read through my coded hints! lol!

and thank you! :-)

SanityClause · 15/11/2014 14:10

I'm not actually sure of the day we met, although I know approximately when it was. Coincidentally, it is very close (within a week or two) of our wedding anniversary.

You do need to discuss these things, though, but not in an accusatory way. It's important to let each other know which days are important. For example, I don't really care about Valentine's Day. But DH does. For years, I felt as if I had been judged and found wanting for not being romantic enough on Valentine's Day. So, I grew to hate Valentine's Day, because it felt more like taking a GCSE in Applied Romance than a celebration of love. More recently, we have discussed it, and come to an agreement about how to celebrate it that we are both happy with. It's such a relief.

Presents can also be problematic. When we were first together, he would ask for work shirts for his birthday, because "I need them". To me, presents should be a luxury. Something you want, not something you need. But that's not the way his family do things. Neither way is wrong, they are just different. So, you just need to come to an agreement about how you and he will do things, in a way you are both happy with.

squishee · 16/11/2014 16:41

DP and I marked our one-year anniversary of meeting with a weekend in his home country. That weekend was my birthday present from him, and also coincided with his birthday and a bank hol

Rioux · 16/11/2014 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 16/11/2014 17:14

Depends how much of a needy romantic you are.
As has been said, if it is important to you then tell him.

FolkGirl · 16/11/2014 20:28

Not all 'girls' like flowers...
I have no idea of the dates of first dates, etc
All seems a bit odd to me!

Joysmum · 16/11/2014 20:31

Our getting together anniversary is important to us as we lived together on the same day and our wedding wasn't until 3.5 years after that.

Tbh, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of our opinions of this, it's our relationship and only important to us

Camolips · 16/11/2014 20:38

Considering that some folk on my FB celebrate their 3 month/6 month anniversaries, a whole year doesn't seem over the top to me!

Dp and I have been together 30 years and marked our first date anniversary for many years. Well, I'd say "Ooh! We've been together x years today! Let's go out'' that sort of thing. We don't bother so much now.

Coffeeinapapercup · 16/11/2014 20:38

I had the conversation about valentines day. After several years of it going unnoticed (it's just a day I'll be romantic when I want to) I insisted this year. Proper this is important to me I want it celebrated.

I was given a proper romantic gift. Nothing valuable but so immensely personal it was literally priceless

Me? I faffed around trying to find something anything. None of it I liked.

After I decided we'd go back to doing it as a when we felt like it.

So I can see your point. But I would be just as happy with as and when

GlitterySparkleChops · 16/11/2014 21:33

"look forward to all the flowers and presents later ;)" semi dropping a hint

That's not a semi hint. That's a borderline instruction. He seems a bit of a numpty not picking up on that tbh.

kentishgirl · 17/11/2014 09:29

You need to tell him plainly that you want to celebrate this as your anniversary.

To be honest I know DPs and my first date happened in March, but I haven't a clue of the actual date. I also know we moved in together sometime in July, but again not the actual date. These things are not automatically important to everyone.

Heels99 · 17/11/2014 09:36

It's important to you but not to him. Tbh most people don't celebrate dating anniversaries, I agree it sounds teenager behaviour. Why would you text him asking for flowers? He probably didn't have a clue what you were talking about. A year isn't long just enjoy each other's company. Not sure what you mean about titles?
If your hoping to marry this man then that seems a way off at the moment.

Heels99 · 17/11/2014 09:38

Are you the same op that got upset when boyfriend didn't text for 24 hours because he was at an awards ceremony and you described it as ' going awol' even though he texted you straight away the following morning?

amy83firsttimer · 17/11/2014 09:55

Yep - same OP.

noddyholder · 17/11/2014 10:09

Instruction is worse IMO True romance us spontaneous and genuine and is not something you should have to request

kentishgirl · 17/11/2014 11:33

'Are you the same op that got upset when boyfriend didn't text for 24 hours because he was at an awards ceremony and you described it as ' going awol' even though he texted you straight away the following morning?'

Oh, I remember that thread.

OP, you are needy needy needy. Not great in an adult relationship.

whatsbehindthegreendoor · 17/11/2014 16:44

We always celebrate the anniversary of the date we got together as well as the date we married. It doesn't have to be with a gift, in fact, usually, it's not! It's just nice to cook a nice meal, share some wine and dance to the music that was playing when we met! It's nice to remind yourselves of times gone by. We've been together 22 years now, and married 15, so we must be doing something right! :)

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