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Original poster

Inlaws

31 replies

tobeagain · 09/11/2014 17:41

Do your in laws treat you as they would a daughter, within reason of course! Or do they treat you like an 'in law' ie if there's something important to discuss you wouldn't be involved.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 09/11/2014 18:06

It depends on the relationship you have. It's a two way street. If you treat your il exactly as you would your own family then I would expect the same. DH and I are always together when anything is discussed , haven't been made to feel like an 'outsider'.

firesidechat · 09/11/2014 18:15

I have no idea. I have no fil and mil doesn't treat her own children like you would a son or daughter, so I guess she treats me the same in that respect. I don't want her to want a relationship with me, but I would have liked to get to know my husband's father.

FrancesNiadova · 09/11/2014 18:18

It's 4 years since I've seen any of my in-laws & almost 7 years since I've spoken to my MIL. So no, I wouldn't be involved in any of their discussions. Suits me fine Grin

Captainweasel · 09/11/2014 18:22

I've only recently been made to feel like a complete outsider. up until about 4 monte ago I think i was treated like a daughter.

somethings changed. and I'm not sure why. (but that's a whole other story).

WaitingForMe · 09/11/2014 18:22

I'm another whose MIL doesn't treat DH as I'd consider normal for a parent. The sun shines out of SIL's arse and he is inferior. It's weird (SIL is nice but perfectly ordinary).

My DM treats her DIL and DH as her own. They both adore her.

rootypig · 09/11/2014 18:23

My MIL refers to me as her daughter - my husband and I are her 'kids' Hmm

It is one of the many reasons I look forward to the day I can leave my marriage.

It's an interesting question - whether being treated as a daughter is a good thing depends on what that means to the IL. Ideally, an adult and an equal. In my case, it just means she has no concept of me as a person in my own right.

redexpat · 09/11/2014 18:26

Im very much a member of the family Smile I love my pils.

FelicityGubbins · 09/11/2014 18:34

My in-laws don't discuss any decisions of theirs with DH or myself, same as we don't discuss our decisions with them, we are all our own separate units.
On saying that mil and I get on better and natter to each other more than DH does! Confused

FishWithABicycle · 09/11/2014 18:39

Mine do treat me like a daughter and are really lovely. They love it when I call them mum and dad but I don't do so always it feels a bit weird.

yomellamoHelly · 09/11/2014 18:54

As an inlaw in recent years. Feel like my MIL used to "baby" me and I stopped going along with it.

trikken · 09/11/2014 18:57

My in laws treat me the same as dh but unfortunately dh isn't treated the same by dm and her partner. Which makes me really sad.

Meerka · 09/11/2014 19:23

cross between a daughter and a DIL really. Which sometimes means I get endless unwanted advice about what I should do :D

But she accepts me wholeheartedly, loves me and I love her. She's there whenever the shit hits the fan. She was there at the birth of my children and I miss her a lot when we don't see her for a week.

JassyRadlett · 09/11/2014 19:43

Unfortunately not. I'm treated incredibly nicely - they are very kind when it comes to birthdays etc - but not 'part of the family' in that way. Part of the issue is that DH moved far from his childhood home before he met me, and they are not really all that comfortable about it - he's the only one of his family ever to leave and not go back.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 09/11/2014 19:48

I'm like a daughter (although they don't have any) - I've been with their son for about a million years starting when we were both at school so used to spend a lot of time round their house. We don't see each other that often due to geographical reasons.

springlamb · 09/11/2014 19:48

MIL would rather come to me to discuss big stuff or little stuff than either of her sons or her other DIL.
I know more about DH's family and history than anyone else. I know what MIL wants done in the event she can't make her own decisions, what music at her funeral, what bts of jewellery go where, and where the papers are hidden.
It's a burden really.

springlamb · 09/11/2014 19:50

She even has a PoA in place which names her sons in the event it is needed, but they don't really realise the seriousness of it, she and I discussed it, she got the papers drawn up and then just told them to sign on the dotted line. She says I can tell them what to do when the time comes.

saintsandpoets · 09/11/2014 19:53

Mine are wonderful. My PIL is just a simple, happy old bloke, and my MIL is just a 35 year older version of me personality wise.

They only have sons and I'm definitely feeling the treated-like-a-daughter vibe. Reading stories on here makes me feel very lucky.

colliewobbles83 · 09/11/2014 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoatsDoRoam · 09/11/2014 20:08

My ex-PILs were lovely and treated my like they treated their own son and daughter, with respect, wholehearted affection, and lots of treats. It was my MIL who listened to me sobbing down the phone when I had a MMC and my own mother couldn't be bothered.

I knew them when I was quite young (20s) so we did not quite have an adult, equal-to-equal relationship (we were students so they would pay when we went out to restaurants and the like), but they were very respectful and I'm sure would have included me in any family discussions. I certainly included them in discussing the reasons for my divorce, at the end of my marriage, and they were very understanding, and very sorry to see me go.

I miss them still; I loved them and I believe they loved me too.

From what I read on MN they were clearly a gold standard in terms of PILs.

Vitalstatistix · 09/11/2014 20:10

my mother in law calls me her daughter. I have never felt anything less than completely loved and accepted by all my in laws.

Truth be told, I like my mother in law more than my mother! Grin

Original poster
tobeagain · 09/11/2014 20:12

mine are wonderful but im definitely excluded from certain conversations, meetings etc. my MIL phoned and rather than tell me directly she was in hospital they asked to speak to my husband. he then told me once he got off the phone. is that weird? i did have a short conversation beforehand. Cant fathom that

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 09/11/2014 20:21

Ah. Then yes it does sound as though they feel they can't share personal news with you. I'm sorry to hear that.

saintsandpoets · 09/11/2014 20:31

It could just be that she was scared/upset and wanted her son. I wouldn't look too much into it to be honest.

Clutterbugsmum · 09/11/2014 20:56

No, but then they treat my DH as an outsider anyway. Sun shines out of both SIL and younger BIL arse.

For example they look after SIL children (12 & 16) at least twice a week and most weekends. When they don't have SIL children they go visit BIL and his dc 3 + hours away. But are hardly ever available to see our children.

We haven't seen them since the beginning of September and now MIL ringing about going Christmas shopping or guilt shopping as I like to call it.

Hopingforpeace · 09/11/2014 22:41

Same as Clutterbug. They treat DH very differently to SiL. They treat me similarly to DH but that is no comfort as their behaviour swings from almost reasonable to bloody awful.
My mum treated Dh like the son she never had. Similarly when my Dsis gets married she wants dh to give her away.

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