Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

husband on wats ap all night

34 replies

debrakate12 · 28/10/2014 00:06

My husband is on his wats app all time as soon as I leave the room . 2 hours in Bath. And all night in the dark in his room.I went in at 1.30 sunday and he was under the covers in dark.
We sleep apart I have had a mastectomy and now kidney failure . I think he is having an afair. I feel invisibl he says its nothing to do with me and I am paranoid. He says I dont turn him on with a crap body. Has anyone got a relationship back after surgery. Does anyone think I am overreacting. Or should I believe nothinh is happening ?.

OP posts:

losthermind · 28/10/2014 00:13

I cannot believe that he would comment on your body in such a horrible manor
OP I don't know your background but this man sounds like an utter bastard.
And yes it sounds highly suspicious if hes sat on his whats app all the time
How re you feeling??? Are you on dialysis at the moment??,
Sounds like you need a hell of a lot more support than you're getting

Ledkr · 28/10/2014 00:20

Op.
I had a double mastectomy at 27. My dh at the time still fancied me and we had two more chikdren after.
My now dh is gorgeous and ten years younger then me.
Yours sounds vile, tell him to take his bloody phone and piss off.
My son has kidney failure too.
We have a lot in common

Original poster

debrakate12 · 28/10/2014 00:21

Hi thanks for your reply this is the first time I have posted anything. I feel tired all time .I feel like a housekeeper not a wife. We have 3 kids .I am on waiting list for dialysis kidneys working 12 %. He just goes in our old room and shuts door been like this for years. Just been secretive lately. Says it my addled brain cos of the cancer tells me to hurry up and die! . I would love to try councelling just dont know how .

OP posts:

Original poster

debrakate12 · 28/10/2014 00:25

Ledkr thankyou .I have asked him to go but the house is in his name. He is big and scarey he just shouts and makes it all my fault. I hope your son is coping does he have dialysis ?

OP posts:

losthermind · 28/10/2014 00:29

How old are DC ???
You sound like an incredibly strong and brave woman
Your husband doesn't appear to have a decent bone in his body
I would take great pleasure in telling the worm to get the fuck out of my home
He knows your physically and emotionally weak and drained and he is using it to his advantage
It is emotional abuse and you do not have to put up with it
He is making your recovery so much harder
Have you got friends/family around for support ?

CatWitch · 28/10/2014 00:29

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry you are living with this wretched excuse of a man. I'm not certain counseling is going to be of any use at this point, it appears he has checked out of your relationship (and good riddance!)
I think you are right, it appears he is involved in some type of affair. Do you have any type of outside support you can access at this time? I think you had better start making some plans for your future without him.Get some excellent legal advice. He is a royal piece of shit. Keep posting here, we will always lend an ear..xx

ShyGirlie · 28/10/2014 00:31

dear love you OP, i have nothing useful to say to you unfortunately, but my heart really goes out to you. please know that you are worth so much more than this man. you are brave and strong. hopefully someone who can give practical advice will come along soon. please take care

CatWitch · 28/10/2014 00:36

Honey, if he is shouting at you and scaring you, please get in touch with Woman's Aid. This is abuse. If you feel at all threatened, call police immediately. You are NOT TO BE FRIGHTENED IN YOUR OWN HOME! This man is not allowed to terrorise you by using his voice or size against you.

Daria01 · 28/10/2014 01:08

OP, his behaviour towards you is utterly vile.

I am absolutely gobsmacked that somebody would attempt to discredit another person's anxieties by blaming it on the illness(es).

If I was you, I'd be starting divorce proceedings, but obviously that's a decision only you can make.
Whether or not he is having an affair (and if I'm honest, it does sound possible) doesn't change his appalling behaviour and language towards you.

I'd not lift a finger for him now. Let him do his own chores and just focus on yourself and the DCs.

Darkesteyes · 28/10/2014 01:42

OP his behaviour is utterly disgusting. His comments are gobsmackingly abusive.

Agree with a PP Do fuck all for this bastard from now on.

Dirtybadger · 28/10/2014 01:47

Contact womans aid and CAB for advice. Free half hour with a solicitor. If you have children and are married I'm not sure the house is "his" as you think (though granted it's not yours either so if he won't leave it makes things difficult).

Good luck. He's an abusive and vile twat.

purpleponcho · 28/10/2014 06:14

Just lending a note of support, OP. Unbelievable that he would treat you in this way. What kind of a man is he?

Look after yourself. x

ShesAnEasyWuffer · 28/10/2014 06:40

I'm so sorry you're living like this op . He told you to hurry up and die?! I have read some horrible things on the Relationships board before but that is truly vile. You are being abused sweetheart. Please contact women's aid. You CAN get out. Please keep posting for support x

Pinklaydee1302 · 28/10/2014 09:27

He deserves to die....slowly n painfully bastard!

TeaAndALemonTart · 28/10/2014 09:29

Go and pack your stuff.

longtallsally2 · 28/10/2014 09:34

Echoing all of the comments above - please do talk to WA - and sending support.

One point to note, if you are married, this is not 'his house', it is a marital asset, and belongs to you both. If you divorced, then you would be entitled to a share in it.

Does he work/are you the primary carer for your children? That would give them/you more right to stay in the house if you separated, but WA/CAB will be able to advise more.

MadameOvary · 28/10/2014 09:38

Dead right it's nothing to do with you, because none of his horrendous behaviour is your fault.
If you do nothing else, understand that this is abuse and is draining precious energy that you desperately need.
He is a selfish shitstain.
You have more than enough reason to call Women's Aid and ask for support.
If you had a friend who was going through this would you think it was reasonable behaviour?

SouthernOne · 28/10/2014 09:38

I cannot believe anyone would speak to another human being in that manner, never mind their wife. What a disgusting specimen he is.

As suggested ring womens aid and see how they can help you. I don't think it matters that the house is solely in his name.

He deserves everything that's coming to him.

Margaritte · 28/10/2014 09:44

OP, I have no advice for you regarding legal matters etc. However I will say please leave this man. You deserve so much better & this man sounds vile. You need someone to care for you & help you through this hard time. How old are your dc? Are you able to say what area of the country you are in? If you were near me I would invite you for a coffee/ chat & try to help where I could. I'm sure plenty of other posters on here would too.

Margaritte · 28/10/2014 09:50

Also, I have to say I never thought I would ever tell anyone to leave their DH. To date I haven't & I have seen/ heard some crap things, especially on here. OP, you are my one exception to the rule & I truly wouldn't wish him on anyone.
Do you have RL friends near to you/ family? Could they help?
I'm heart sorry for you

scallopsrgreat · 28/10/2014 09:51

Have I got that right - he tells you to hurry up and die?

If you only do one thing, ring Women's Aid.

You deserve so much more than this

bauhausfan · 28/10/2014 09:58

You really, really need to leave this vile creature. I feel so sorry for you :( You deserve extra love and kindness right now - not what this utter shit is doing to you. I agree - ring Women's Aid - they will help you. Good luck xxx

TheHermitCrab · 28/10/2014 12:45

Even if he isn't cheating on you, why are you with him? Simple question x

longtallsally2 · 29/10/2014 19:02

How are you today DebraKate?

Zebraface · 29/10/2014 19:18

No experience, just wanted to sympathise & say : please ask him to leave.

You poor thing,he is a horrible specimen!

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread