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Original poster

is this a good start?

26 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 22/10/2014 22:54

Ive met this guy who is not my usual type but hes so lovely and charismatic that I want to ho on a second date. My first thought is that I dont really fancy him but there is something there.
I think hes a bit insecure about his looks as he has asked me if I find him physical lu atteactive. The truth is hes not my usual fuckwit type but I like him a lot as s person. Im hoping the attraction will grow.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 22/10/2014 22:55

Sorry...hideous typos!

OP posts:
Keepithidden · 22/10/2014 22:59

Its a second date, you sound interested, he sounds interesting! What's the worst that could happen?!

Plus if hes not a fuckwit thats usually a good start...

wearymum73 · 22/10/2014 23:01

I've not got much advice for you, I was going to ask mn the same question, though I delayed asking.
I got to the 4th date, I really liked he guy, everything was perfect, apart from the attraction, he was so polite, no games, we had so much in common it was scary, and no naked pictures!
But I decided that after 4 dates I needed attraction, so I have ended it, still wondering if it is the right decision though 3 days later :-(

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 23/10/2014 03:14

Attraction is so darn annoying as normally im attracted to fuckwits. He just dosnt quite do it for my fanjo....yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 23/10/2014 03:18

I think the red flag for me though is that he seems quite besotted after one date and keeps calling me georgeous. I cant really return the compliment but I love his personality.
He keeps asking me if I find him attractive. Ive said I realky like him but l need time to see if theres chemistry. Hes a bit full on in that sense. But then if the feeling was mutual id probably gush back.

OP posts:
duckwalk · 23/10/2014 05:00

I'd find the whole "am I attractive" a bit off putting, and also someone repeatedly calling me gorgeous after only one date. But each to their own.
If there's something there, then go for it. If not then best let him know and move on x

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 23/10/2014 07:43

The irony is if he didn't keep asking me if I found him attractive I'd be a lot more into him due to his intelligence and charisma. I think he's insecure about his looks as he's not Brad Pitt but he's sexy in other ways. ( apart from the insecurity).

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 23/10/2014 07:52

Personally, after your update on the gushing, I'd view that as needy and a red flag. Who wants to prop someone up the whole time? Get a man who is quietly confident and not overbearing or needy, what you want is somewhere in the middle.

Unless you find needy and gushing attractive of course!

Walkacrossthesand · 23/10/2014 07:53

This has disaster written all over it for me, I'm afraid - asking you if you find him attractive after 1 date? We all feel that 'shyness' inside, but it's best to recognise that inside is where it should stay - it's putting far too much pressure on someone to be badgering them for affirmations so early! Caution required here...

FluffyMcnuffy · 23/10/2014 08:00

He sounds full on and that's probably a bit of a red flag. However in shocked that you openly told him (or said it all by refusing to answer) that you don't find him attractive/gorgeous how bloody nasty. IMO that's one of the things that you always say even if it isn't true, not surprised he's insecure Hmm.

PlantsAndFlowers · 23/10/2014 08:06

I don't think the OPs been nasty. People shouldn't ask if they can't take the truth, you don't want to have to be lying before a relationships even started!

BlackDaisies · 23/10/2014 08:10

I disagree you have to call a grown man gorgeous just because he keeps asking you! He's got the problem not you!
Personally I agree with the "potential disaster" opinions too - being immediately all over someone usually means big (and insecure) emotions that are not "real" - chances are, once you softened a bit and started finding him attractive he'll suddenly go cold on you and run for the hills, or else you'll end up with someone who much further down the line will stop putting you on a pedestal and start putting you down.

minmooch · 23/10/2014 08:14

One date and you 'love his personality'? Quite besotted after one date? Keeps asking if you find him attractive? Big red flags, huge! You don't know this man nor he you. He could be the best looking man in the world and still be a dick. Why don't you both take time to find out if you actually even like each other rather than ask if you fancy each other - presumably you are both over 14!

Itsfab · 23/10/2014 08:40

I had a date and didn't fancy him at all. We had 10 hours together, lunch, shopping, cinema, dinner. We saw each other again a few days later and again a few days later. Due to where we lived we would see each other twice a week. He was a really nice guy but I didn't think as good a looking as others I had been out with. We got on really well, he was funny and kind and made it clear he liked me.

Now been married for 15 years and together for nearly 19. Fancy the pants off him, he gets better looking every day and last night I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying as I was thinking how lovely he was.

Look past the face as looks don't always last. It is more important to be treated right.

My gorgeous ex is now unhappily married and cheating on his wife..

LL0015 · 23/10/2014 09:03

I'm 8 weeks into dating a guy who is perfectly nice looking and spends longer getting ready than I do. He says it's because he's not that good looking so he has to make more effort. I tease him that he's vain.

He is vain and it reminds me of your date that a little bit of insecurity is normal in all of us but we all show it differently.

Go with it a bit longer. I would never have physically picked my guy out to date. But he's amazing in bed, really clicks with me and I couldn't be happier.

Spanglecrab · 23/10/2014 09:07

Did you meet him online? If so I would wonder if he always gets to 3 or 4 dates before getting a scripted let down? He may be trying to save time and emphasing that he is attracted to you may be his way of pushing the issue to the fore.

It might be worth having a word. Let him know that his behaviour is more likely to turn you off than the way he looks.

Good luck!

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 23/10/2014 12:51

I met him online yes.

I agree that I should not call him georgeous if he isn't to me yet. I have praised his intelligence and charisma which to me is more important.

He is basing his infatuation solely on looks whereas I'd far rather he said I had an amazing personality and wit. It's so hard to get the balance. I don't think he's a keeper tbh as he's too intense.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 23/10/2014 20:30

I guess the problem is that we chatted for about a week before we could meet up so built the dreaded rapport.

OP posts:
wearymum73 · 23/10/2014 21:36

When are you meeting him again?

How have the texts been since your last meeting?

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 23/10/2014 21:53

Tomorrow for a meal. I'm looking foward to it but I just hope that he can reign in his full on- ness. If I fall for him I will probably join in the full on - ness. He texted today and said he feels he needs to back off a bit so at least he has some self awareness.

OP posts:
Itsfab · 23/10/2014 21:54

What do you mean the dreaded rapport? Confused

DH and I exchanged a few letters and some calls before we met. No idea if it made a difference or not but it wasn't a bad thing.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 23/10/2014 22:39

Maybe you ARE gorgeous! Smile

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/10/2014 22:42

No, no, no! Him saying he needs to back off is a ploy to see if you will say 'oh no, dont do that!'

Game player.

mypetdragon · 24/10/2014 09:28

Oh gosh, he sounds very like someone I met online. We had one (very pleasant) lunch date, he was a nice looking man and behaved like a perfect gentleman but the attraction just wasn't there. We agreed to go on a 2nd date but in the interim he literally bombarded me with texts, whatsapp messages and messages on the dating site, calling me 'darling', and behaving as if we were in a relationship. Every day he texted and asked for a phone call and it was just too much. Had he backed off and played it cool with fewer messages I would have happily gone on the second date............. however, after a week of messages (and I'm talking 10+ a day) I decided he was definite red flag material and gave him a polite 'no thank you'.

Go with your instincts - they are rarely wrong. Good luck - there are plenty out there.

SuperFlyHigh · 24/10/2014 09:32

I'd go on 3 dates at maximum (3 date rule not MY rule but someone elses...) and see how you feel.

Personally I wouldn't continue, he sounds needy and you don't really want someone whereas you're attracted just to their personality rather than their looks as well, unless you want a short term fling.