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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is an appropriate response to 'I love you'?

37 replies

Doobiedoobedoobie · 04/09/2014 13:34

If you're not at the stage where you can say it back yet?

I get the feeling this is coming soon and I want to have my response ready! Have been dating someone for 4-5 months and the last few times we've met I've felt like he was about to say it and swiftly changed the conversation and mood but I can't do that forever Confused.

I really like this guy, he's great but I'm definitely not ready for professing feelings of love just yet, for me it's way too early and tbh I'm quite a grower love wise anyway. It takes me a long time. In the past I've always just said it back anyway but being older (this is the first person I've dated since my 7 year marriage ended) I'm not really prepared to do that anymore.

IS there a way to respond to that without making the other person feel just Quite Shit?

OP posts:
bluewonderful · 04/09/2014 13:37

Is he a Star Wars fan? Could you get away with a Hans Solo-esque "I know"?

iwantgin · 04/09/2014 13:41

I would say "Thank you" and kiss them. That way you have acknowledged their feelings- and silenced them so that can't ask you if you feel the same ??

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 04/09/2014 13:43

How getting in there first with "I'm not ready to start bandying the L-word around yet, but you know I really care about you don't you?"

It's what my DP said to me when he could feel it looming!

TenThousandSpoons · 04/09/2014 13:44

"And I love...spending time with you."
0r
"I've made you a mix tape."

VanitasVanitatum · 04/09/2014 13:44

Thus happened with my dp and I at first and I was just honest.. Not sure what else you can really do. Whatever you say he will know you haven't said you love him so u might as well be up front.

carriemeatsix · 04/09/2014 13:53

Please don't say thank you like he's just gave you a bunch of flowers. Just be honest with him. Tell him while you really like and care for him, you're not quite at that stage yet.

Loving the Friends reference TenThousandSpoons Wink

TenThousandSpoons · 04/09/2014 14:06

I wasn't sure if it was Friends but thought so!
I agree please don't say "thank you" or "I know", just be honest that you're not ready to say it yet.

kaykayblue · 04/09/2014 14:47

I don't think there is a way of not saying it back that avoids him feeling like shit. But you can't lie either.

Sorry, but I think it's something you have to be honest about and just sort of deal with the awkwardness!

snappycow · 04/09/2014 14:52

This makes me smile. Two things spring to mind.
1/ Alan Partridge who used to shout (imagine the accent) "THANKS A LOT!" to his Gf when she said it. (My partner does this all the time in the AH HA!!! Voice)
2/ ben stiller in a film - think it's called honeymoon or honeymooners or something or love something. She says I love you and he sighs and says whist fully back "love...love....love.."

Anyway - as for your problem. Id say nothing, just smile back and give him a kiss.

BathshebaBabbling · 04/09/2014 14:55

'Ahh, that's nice'

Mustangspirit · 04/09/2014 14:55

My ds(12) always answers "you're welcome" when I say I love him. Hmm Not very helpful for you sorry.
I think the honest and frank responses mentioned above are the only way to handle this situation.

minkah · 04/09/2014 14:57

Heh heh @snappycow, brilliant!

Do you want him to love you? If you do, then be welcoming about his feelings and explain you are slow grower.

If you feel uncomfortable that he loves you, that's a bit different, isn't it?

ThatBloodyWoman · 04/09/2014 14:57

"I love me too"......or,quickly snog him.

feelingmellow · 04/09/2014 15:05

Can you say 'I'm beginning to feel the same way'? Or is that not really true?

hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2014 15:06

When someone says I love you and you don`t feel the same, just say I love YOUTUBE Damn fast.

Osirus · 04/09/2014 15:07

Even though I did feel the same way, I didn't say it back at first. My response was "in that case, you can have a biscuit", as I passed him the tin! I'm not a liberal expresser anyway, but I did get there two weeks later, on Christmas Eve!

Osirus · 04/09/2014 15:07

Even though I did feel the same way, I didn't say it back at first. My response was "in that case, you can have a biscuit", as I passed him the tin! I'm not a liberal expresser anyway, but I did get there two weeks later, on Christmas Eve!

hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2014 15:07

When someone says 'I love you' and you don`t feel the same, just say 'I love YOUTUBE' Damn fast.

minkah · 04/09/2014 15:08

I love Yootha Joyce.

Incredibly random. Throw him off the scent.

JustAShopGirl · 04/09/2014 15:10

"I have strong feelings for you too, but need time to make sure that I am sure - but thank you my darling, knowing that you love me makes me feel so warm and cosseted and special to you, I hope you will wait for me while I work it all out in my head too...."

chockbic · 04/09/2014 15:12

I love cake haha.

God how awkward.

Do you think you could grow to love him?

MyDogHasFleasTheyBiteHisKnees · 04/09/2014 15:15

Grin and go "Yeah, you're not so bad yourself!" and snog him.

LividofLondon · 04/09/2014 15:20

You could say something like, "it's something I find very hard to say but that doesn't mean I don't feel it" then give him a kiss. My boyfriend and I had a conversation that included expressing love, and neither of us can say "I love you". It somehow just gets caught in the throat. What we say is "yeah, you're alright you are"Grin, but that doesn't help you, sorry.

FoxSticks · 04/09/2014 15:27

My DH said I know. It was awful - I felt like a right idiot. Then he answered a phone call from his ex's sister and chatted to her for half an hour - it was 2 in the morning. Im surprised he made it to DH after that to be honest.

I think you need to find some sort of way to preempt the conversation. Something to let him know it takes you a while to say the words. If not then I think saying thatbit means a lot to hear that and kissing him is a good response.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/09/2014 15:48

I'd just say .... 'that's sweet'.... and leave it at that. If he wants to stick his neck out and risk non-reciprocation, isn't that his problem rather than yours?