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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Petrified

30 replies

AC786 · 30/08/2014 10:13

DH and I are living apart and has not made contact for two weeks. We have a DC. I am scared that he will get married (I'm sure his family are in the process of finding him a new wife) then will say he wants DC to live there as if is a family unit. Can that happen?

OP posts:
JustWantToBeDorisAgain · 30/08/2014 10:19

Is he a dh married in the uk? If so he cannot get married again without a divorce as he would be a bigamist.

mumblechum1 · 30/08/2014 10:21

As pp said, he can't remarry legally without divorcing you first. Ans as you are presumably in the UK, no, of course he can't simply take the children away from you!

Hissy · 30/08/2014 10:21

is the child with you? have they got a passport that's in your possession?

where is your H? is he from a country that permits polygamy?

Hissy · 30/08/2014 10:23

ultimatey if your H would go along with or not prevent this behaviour from his family YOU should divorce HIM.

Original poster
AC786 · 30/08/2014 10:30

Thank you. We are both in this country. Legally he can't but from a religious perspective he can. He would do anything his family tells him to. I am freaked out that he will then appear and want to divorce me at a time when he has a new woman and then say he wants DC and hey, there he a family unit so DC settled more

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/08/2014 10:35

he won't be able to take your child if you don't want him to.

why on earth would you want to be married to someone who would do this to you?

what are you getting out of this relationship?

don't ever be petrified in a relationship, no-one should have that level of power/control over you/your life.

Original poster
AC786 · 30/08/2014 10:50

Legally though..could a judge go with that?
Not getting much from this

OP posts:
butterflybuttons · 30/08/2014 10:53

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

hamptoncourt · 30/08/2014 11:11

OP you have posted about this situation repeatedly and been given very good advice about the fact you need to see a solicitor.

Does DH still have your daughters passport?

MustTryDating · 30/08/2014 11:16

No way would a judge go with that.

But see a solicitor who will give you more info.

Castlemilk · 30/08/2014 11:20

Of course he can't take your child.

What you do is see a solicitor now, explain the situation, and if he does do what you fear, you go for a court order which gives you residency and requests he has supervised contact only, as he is an abduction risk. Certainly it coming to court and them hearing that he's merrily ignored the fact that you're married, abandoned the family, and has gone through a religious wedding with someone else isn't eactly going to look good.

And you cancel your daughter's passport NOW and ask for a note to be put that he isn't allowed to apply for a new one. You can do this but it also might have to go through a solicitor.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/08/2014 11:23

You have to get urgent legal advice. As a father he will continue to have shared access to your DCs unless there is some real risk of harm to either you or the children. He doesn't have to be married to someone else in order to do that, of course. Separated and divorced couples are encouraged to share the parenting whether they have a new partner or not.

Castlemilk · 30/08/2014 11:24

In direct answer to your question, no way is a judge going to give residency to a father who

  • isn't and has never been the main carer,
  • abandoned the family and has 'married' again without divorcing you,
  • cites as his reason for going for residency 'I've now got a ready made new family for my child which includes a lovely new mummy she's not actually met yet'.

A judge would probably consider him an abduction risk and act accordingly!!

Original poster
AC786 · 30/08/2014 14:44

Yes on the advice!!! Finally..,

OP posts:
Original poster
AC786 · 30/08/2014 14:45

I guess I'm confused, scared, not thinking etc

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/08/2014 14:47

That is why you need to see a legal bod. See a solicitor and find out what's what.

Hissy · 30/08/2014 18:22

"Not getting much from this"

then

"Yes on the advice!!! Finally..,"

you've posted about this situation before, you've been told to get proper LEGAL advice, but you haven't.

your H is taking you for a fool. your ILs are treating you as if you don't exist.

the CAB can advise you, as can the legal forum. or a solicitor.

you're not asking the right people, or even the right questions.

yet you're ungrateful enough to post the chippy comments.

Mumsnet doesn't claim to be able to solve your issues, many here only know what they've been through and offer their support.

that's not good enough for you though. Hmm

Original poster
AC786 · 30/08/2014 21:54

By 'yes on the advice, finally..' I meant that I had sought the legal advice that everyone had kindly suggested and by 'not getting much from this', I meant from the relationship as you had asked what I was getting from the relationship.

I'm sorry if my comments sounded 'chippy', they weren't meant to and I think misinterpreted as they were responses to things asked. I can see how that had happened though. I'm certainly not ungrateful but value the opinions and experiences of those who post... Particularly helpful when feeling confused, alone and not thinking... Probably also the reason for the repeated posts. Thank you for all who have taken the time.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 30/08/2014 22:02

Sorry... not seen your other thread(s)

If he's married someone else whilst still married to you, then the man is a bigamist and will go to jail.

Unless I'm missing something.

Original poster
AC786 · 30/08/2014 22:07

Yes I'm seeing how my thoughts on this situation could be more trouble for him.

Crafty he is... I wouldn't be surprised if he has someone on the back burner who will appear as he legally gets rid of me. Very little trust here as you can see. Then, he may say 'ta-daa' a little family unit that provides stability. I just don't know what going on with him as no contact/ response to my efforts to get in touch

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 31/08/2014 03:58

Courts don't award main residence to fathers who aren't the main carer just because they have a new wife, of course not.

mumblechum1 · 31/08/2014 07:48

thenightsky, I suspect the guy's muslim and has gone through a muslim "marriage" ceremony which has no legal standing whatever.

ShadyMyLady · 31/08/2014 12:21

The dc will stay with you.

I'm assuming also that he's muslim, in which case can you contact a local imam for advice and tell them what has been going on? You will also need legal advice promptly.

Why do you want to be with him? I can't imagine he brings much to your marriage and clearly doesn't care much for you or your dc. He sound a bit pathetic if his family tell him to get married and he actually does.

Use his no contact as a chance to break free.

getthefeckouttahere · 31/08/2014 13:17

OP,

you say that you have had legal advice yet still you are posting on here asking for advice.

You need to stop seeking advice here, you need to act on the advice that your solicitor presumably gave you. If you have more queries you need to go back to your solicitor.

I don't mean to sound dismissive but you seem somewhat reluctant to follow a pretty straight forward course of action over what is a very serious matter.

I can't help but wonder why?

Original poster
AC786 · 31/08/2014 16:33

Don't know... I guess it feels like a big and scary decision that hearing other's experience helps somewhat

OP posts:
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