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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my marriage is over...

33 replies

JadeJ123 · 20/08/2014 22:20

Me & dh have been married for 2 years have a mortgage together.
He's constantly got friends over and expects me too cook for them even at 2am!
Told me he couldn't be arsed with me when I was crying my eyes out at the fact he wouldn't have a conversation with me about our relationship.
Works 6 days a week 8-6 tells me he's too tired to talk to me and goes out with friends or too bed. And recently told me he's going on a stag night and not to expect him home, I seriously can't take much more of this. DSD cries because he'll start and argument then screams at the dogs when they growl at him for screaming at me because they're protecting me. I think my marriage is over Sad

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 20/08/2014 22:50

From what you have said, I agree.

You must be very tired from dealing with all of the emotional turmoil and hurt.

Do you have a plan?

Original poster
JadeJ123 · 20/08/2014 22:58

My mums said me & the dogs can stay with her whilst I look for a place and find somewhere to live. The cats will have to stay with my brother temporarily as my step dad is allergic to them. But apart from that not really.

OP posts:
HumblePieMonster · 20/08/2014 22:59

Break free.

Castlemilk · 21/08/2014 00:07

Just leave!

Poor dsd though.

mousebacon · 21/08/2014 00:32

Hope you can leave soon OP Flowers

CalamityKate1 · 21/08/2014 00:33

I hope you're right x

MrsSlave · 21/08/2014 00:36

I hope you find the strength to LTB. Thanks

Cabrinha · 21/08/2014 00:36

It sounds awful. Sounds like you're doing well with starting a plan already, talking to your mum about somewhere to stay.
Can it not be you that stays in your house though?
Good luck.

FuckTheMagicDragon · 21/08/2014 00:38

As you strait to pack up and leave get some legal advice, you are also responsible for the mortgage. Make sure your not left with a load of debt.

Cerisier · 21/08/2014 00:42

He expects you to cook for him and his friends at 2am? Bloody hell.

He makes totally unreasonable demands and won't talk with you about your relationship- basically the relationship is over isn't it.

What is the situation with DSD? Is she with you full time?

Original poster
JadeJ123 · 21/08/2014 05:21

DSD lives with him 90% of the time and then with her mum 10% of the time.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 21/08/2014 05:28

What a selfish bastard. Making his wife cook for him at 2am? Frightening his own child?

Get out and go to your mum's, while you still have some energy and self-esteem left.

Thanks
MildDrPepperAddiction · 21/08/2014 05:34

Get out now. It's good you have a plan. Your poor dad though. Can you report/do anything to ensure she is safe once you go?

Vivacia · 21/08/2014 07:54

Just leave. Think what a lovely weekend you'll have.

Ledkr · 21/08/2014 08:05

Oh yes. What's the point of staying with him? Leave him to his crappy little life and get out and improve yours and ds life.
Get advice today about housing etc.

kaykayblue · 21/08/2014 08:19

Get out while you can. God what an absolute fuck turd of a husband.

Married only two years and already treating you like some kind of in house maid.

When you leave, you might want to speak to social services if you have any concerns about how he behaves around his child. It's not some kind of "punishment" for him, but if he has custody 90% of the time and is behaving aggressively towards her, then it's simply the right thing to do.

Original poster
JadeJ123 · 21/08/2014 16:10

Rang dsd's mum who has her tonight, she's going to have a word with him tonight when she sees him before he goes on his stag do.
Got screamed at down the phone by him that he wants me out of our house by tomorrow night with all my shit packed and he wants the dogs Angry

OP posts:
Vivacia · 21/08/2014 16:37

Why don't you just pack and go?

(And take the dogs with you).

Finola1step · 21/08/2014 16:40

Pack up and go. Now. Take the dogs. Get a taxi to your mum's if you don't have access to a car. Just go.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/08/2014 17:11

Pack up your stuff now and get out and take the dogs with you.
Make sure you get all your paperwork together.
Passport, birth cert, marriage cert (you'll need this to file for divorce), car reg documents, utility bills if they are in your name as you'll need to cancel them.
Sounds like you've woken up to what this nasty bloke is capable of.
You KNOW you are worth more.
I'm glad you have some RL support with your family.
Run away and run fast!

Original poster
JadeJ123 · 21/08/2014 17:47

He's away tonight so am currently packing, explained the situation to work who let me have tomorrow off and am ringing my solicitor tomorrow to get an appointment.

My mums dropping off house keys to hers tonight and I'm going there tomorrow and the cats are going to live with my friend until I find my own place.
If the dogs are in my name eg kennel papers, vet records and insurance he can't take them can he?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 21/08/2014 17:49

Do you think you'll be safe tonight when he gets in? Doesn't sound safe.

Kimaroo · 21/08/2014 17:53

On the bright side you've only wasted two years on this idiot. Take the dogs and start again. Good luck.

Original poster
JadeJ123 · 21/08/2014 17:57

He said he was staying a friends Hmm
But I've got a friend staying here with her boyfriend tonight incase he does come back.

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 21/08/2014 18:02

Jade - I so wish you luck. It sounds like the dogs are legally all yours so no worries there. I'm glad you have the cats sorted too.

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