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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ex moved four doors away aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhh

63 replies

bossmum41 · 18/08/2014 20:53

just been to court to fight to keep family home for me and two children, ex crying saying he needs a home for children but cant afford it !! he owns several properties . anyway i got family home and next day after court ex smuggly moves into his new home four doors away!
he says its good for the kids to be close to both of us , i think its unhealthy especially as we aren't on good terms, im so angry that he lied and tried to move myself and the children to a smaller house yet he had a bigger house all along four doors away. its not good for the kids and now all i want to do is move house.
i

OP posts:

BlackDaisies · 18/08/2014 21:04

I think you should take a deep breath. I'd give it a couple of months to see how things feel. If it's claustrophobic then begin looking to move house! It may sound dramatic but actually starting afresh in a new house that has no shared history can be a really positive thing.

CurtWild · 18/08/2014 21:08

No advice, just posting to say I feel your pain. I separated from abusive stbxh 6 months ago and he refused to move out, so I uprooted our 3 toddlers and found a new house. He promptly lost the family home for not paying the rent, and a couple of months ago moved into the same street as me. Aaarrrggghhh indeed

Original poster

bossmum41 · 18/08/2014 21:45

His mum lives next door but one! ThAt I could cope with but this is stalking

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HoundPaws · 18/08/2014 21:47

I feel for you I would hate that. Good luck :/ x

Walkacrossthesand · 18/08/2014 21:56

I guess you'll need to focus on boundaries - contact is as arranged, not 'dropping in' because he's nearby; no response to goady remarks about your comings and goings. Just total detachment, communication about DCs only. Not easy. Hopefully he'll lose interest and maybe even move away again if he doesn't get the mileage he hopes for from being nearby...

RandomMess · 18/08/2014 22:00

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhh how utterly awful for you

lunatuna · 18/08/2014 22:03

Very aaargh. Cope for now, put a smile on, but definitely look at moving! Is there anywhere you can see yourself having a happy home? It's not going to be easy, but worth it in long run... Can't imagine he will leave you in peace.

getthefeckouttahere · 18/08/2014 22:27

i'd ask all of my good men friends to stay over regularly and ask them to make a conspicuous display of leaving looking VERY unkempt and tired in the morning.

What a cock. it may be that you have to move? Don't really have any advice other than refuse to play his game, don't engage. Don't let him engage with you. make it clear your terms of contact and simply take legal advice when he breaks this. Nothing is going to stop him parading about though particularly if he knows it irritates you. FFS why do people behave like this?

WellWhoKnew · 18/08/2014 23:24

If you've got any spare cash, can you start hiring male escorts to visit you at home regularly?

Or pay loads of male students £10 per couple of hour visits.

He doesn't need to know what happens behind your closed doors.

Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 07:27

Lol like the comments about the men coming and going ! I have a boyfriend been seeing him for 7 months , he's started staying over and parking on drive , ex didn't like the fact he parked on driveway so he text me to tell him to move his car off the drive ???!!!!
Contact with kids well that's a laugh !! He is supposed to have kids this week but they just can't be bothered as he's so close they just come home , he's no money for a holiday , biggest load of poo I've ever heard !! He's bought a house, taken his ex girlfriend abroad several times but only taken the kids to a friends caravan supposedly for a week , he lasted 3 days lol
Time to look at houses me thinks !
Just hope the kids dont suffer with him being so close :(

OP posts:

eddielizzard · 19/08/2014 07:33

no don't have loads of guys coming round. it doesn't reflect well.

but certainly don't stop your dp parking on your drive. how ridiculous!

i would definitely look into moving though.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/08/2014 07:40

He sounds like an utter cock who puts his needs before his kids. So the kids aren't even having proper contact with him purely because he lives so close?

Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 07:54

They don't want to go to him , he called yesterday for them and because they didn't want to go he stormed off ! He's too close , going to see daddy is as boring as being with mummy , they see him all the time either at his or his mums so unless he has something planned then kuds can't be bothered .

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petalsandstars · 19/08/2014 07:59

I'd be moving asap - he's done it on purpose obviously-was he ccontrolling in the relationship too?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/08/2014 08:05

What a baby! He's completely ignoring his children's needs. It's like he sees you all as toys that have to perform a certain way to please him. I would put the house on the market ASAP.

Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 08:19

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Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 08:23

Yes he's very controlling still trying to be !! But not succeeding though ??

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2rebecca · 19/08/2014 08:45

I would encourage the kids to go. Time with their father is important. If they are primary school age they shouldn't be getting a choice, imagine how you'd feel if it was you they didn't want to see.
If they just come home when they are supposed to be with their father then maybe you should go out a couple of times so they get used to being with their dad.
He has made a stupid decision and will regret it shortly and probably move.

BlackDaisies · 19/08/2014 08:49

It's really interesting that it's completely backfired on him isn't it. I can imagine if they're relaxed and happy at yours and in the middle of something why would they want to walk 4 doors down for no apparent reason. Being picked up and taken to a separate place has a different feel. Maybe he'll be the one to move first.

trikken · 19/08/2014 08:55

Yes go out so he has to take care of them himself. Dont move, that's probably what he wants.

Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 09:00

I wish it was that easy 2rebecca . I work from home and he doesn't take kids out anywhere so they come home . As for not giving them a choice , when your kids are upset and crying and their dad walks away instead of dealing with it .its pretty hard .

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Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 09:02

Exactly black daisies going to somewhere different is more exciting than a couple of doors away !! God he doesn't get it but that's him always right always knows best !!

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Original poster

bossmum41 · 19/08/2014 09:04

Trikken I will try not too as that's what he wants .

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CookieMonsterIsHot · 19/08/2014 09:09

Did he lie to the court about property he owns? Hide this property or the money for it?

That right there could solve your problem rather nicely.

LividofLondon · 19/08/2014 09:51

No to playing any games such as having lots of men over. It's juvenile and will only make you look bad. Emotionally disengage as much as you can with him, have very clear boundaries, and give the situation some time to settle before making any big decisions such as moving home.

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