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Original poster

looking at exes profiles online?

48 replies

candyce83 · 09/08/2014 17:39

Just wondering who here looks up their exes online and why do you do it? Is it sheer nosiness or can you just not let go?

it seems like a lot of people do this but personally i cant look at anything to do with my exes. I just dont see the point...

OP posts:
BeforeAndAfter · 09/08/2014 17:46

Just curious but why ask the question if it doesn't matter to you?

cheerybear · 09/08/2014 17:48

If you mean Facebook I actually have my exs on there and I'm friends with them along with their partners, but I do look at my husbands exs, not sure why and he is not friends with them

Tinks42 · 09/08/2014 18:36

Im not really a facebook user etc. but I do occasionally look up ex's partner to see if he's still on her "friends" list, just to see if I'm right in how long it will last. People bang on about forgive etc. but he was an abusive arsehole and I wish him nothing but misery (spoken like a true scorpio) Grin

Original poster
candyce83 · 09/08/2014 19:52

Errr its just a question no ulterior motive...just curious to see what others think.

Tinks im very sorry to hear that he will get whats coming to him. Any relationship he has will probably have the same dynamics as yours did. People dont usually change.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 09/08/2014 21:24

No problem candy, its long in the past now Grin

brokenhearted55a · 09/08/2014 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minion100 · 09/08/2014 21:49

I look up one ex because i still have feelings. I never look up the ones who were horrible. Why would I care?

VeryMerryBerry · 10/08/2014 00:04

I look at my exs profile as I like that he's still not found his ideal woman tosser

I also like to titter at 'I adore the theatre and walking in the Lake District' since fuckin' when?

HumblePieMonster · 10/08/2014 00:07

I look at everyone online. If I know your name, there's a chance I've googled. Seems reasonable to me.

Original poster
candyce83 · 10/08/2014 04:37

Thanks ladies just thought id get some other perspectives as my friends and I were having a conversation about it. I used to look up a couple exes just out of nosiness but havent done it for a long time. Ive also just come out of a 2 and a half year relationship and wouldnt dream of looking at my exes profiles. Different strokes for different folks though :-)

I guess my question is if a person has feelings for someone and looks up their profile wouldnt it just hurt too much to look? Isnt it easier to just forget about them?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 10/08/2014 07:38

Hi candy an interesting thing, isn't it, the ability to look up an ex to see what they're up to these days.

People do it for different reasons, sometimes to have a bit of a giggle about the crap ways they try to reinvent themselves (or maybe they have changed after x-number of years...), or else because they aren't quite 'over' them Sad. I can imagine it opens old wounds for someone who is still hurting....

I looked up my first boyfriend on LinkedIn and I got a warm glow because he is doing well in his own company and looked well (almost exactly as
I remember him). Took me right back. No acrimony there, we were just too young and grew apart but we weren't right for each other if truth be known.

I wouldn't want to torture myself looking up someone who had been unfaithful, seeing them with kids and all "happy families" would be destructive. Im fortunate that hasn't ever happened, but FB keeps people artificially in touch when its best to never see ex's again ( as used to happen in the old days before social media existed. They are ex's for a reason... I don't think people like Zuckeberg and his University buddies ever gave a thought to the negative effects of their social media bollox on people's lives!

Ludways · 10/08/2014 07:50

I'm friends with all significant exes and some insignificant ones too, lol. I bear none of them animosity and genuinely wish them well. Ion the course of a year I may wish them happy birthday or comment once on something they say but that's it, no heart felt chats or longingly looking at any photos.

Most of them are part of a wider group of people and it seemed more symbolic not to be friends than the opposite iyswim.

frames · 10/08/2014 07:53

Er, no I don't do this.....its a slippery slope to stalking!

heartshapedflux · 10/08/2014 10:23

I don't still hold a candle for any of my exes, but I still have some of them on Facebook - they're interesting people and we shared good times together back in the day - it's not like we message each other privately, but for example, when I got engaged recently, several of them wished me well on my Facebook wall. Likewise when one of them recently became a dad, i congratulated him.

There are, however, two exes where things ended acrimoniously and I wouldn't dream of making online contact with either of them. One I despise so much I've blocked him from every which way and the other I occasionally look up, unbeknown to him, but only to feel smug because he made my life hell and 15 years on he's jobless, partner-less and living with his parents.

WhatTheFork · 10/08/2014 10:51

Boredom and nosiness combined.

I recently discovered my ex married the lady his brother was living with during our relationship, over 15 years ago. I had a good look at the wedding pics (wedding was a few years ago) on FB and saw none of his family there. She's nice, and was back then, I wonder wtf was going through her mind. But I don't care, I could just as easily be reading some stranger's story on here.

Another was a racing driver and nearly lost his life in an accident. While I have no feelings for him, I'm glad he didn't die.

I also sometimes have a nosy at DH's exes, that's probably more strange!

heartshapedflux · 10/08/2014 10:55

Yes, I have a nosy at DF's exes too and also my exes new partners. It's just natural human curiosity surely? It's more along the lines of "she looks nice / different / similar to me" rather than "die bitch!"

catgirl1976 · 12/08/2014 21:32

Because I still love him :(

cruikshank · 12/08/2014 21:39

I'm with HumblePieMonster on this. I google all sorts of people, exes included, if I can be arsed/remember their names. I'm just nosey. However, I do have a shit memory so the number of names I can remember, including exes, is really quite small.

cruikshank · 12/08/2014 21:40

Especially surnames. I have never really been any good at remembering surnames, and "Juan Carlos" + "that little bar on the beach with black sand" isn't going to throw up anything particularly useful.

Mumtobenovember · 12/08/2014 21:42

I lurk so hard I end up on my partners ex's boyfriends sisters page.. So nosey hahahaha and a bit of a stalker. Shhh it's a secret

CookieDoughKid · 12/08/2014 22:03

I have an ex who has been an ex for 15 years but I know he looks up my profile nearly every week or month on LinkedIn. The automated stats I receive are pretty accurate. I also know he follows me on others like Google+. He also emails me every other month (I now filter him out)
He is married with 2 kids. I really ought to email his wife with my LinkedIn stats. It's fucking disgusting.

I have exes that are pop up over the years looking up my profile on the internet. Another one confessing his undying love (he is also married). We last dated when I was 17!! Decades ago. I don't know why they do it. I have no curiosity whatsoever and can't see the appeal myself. I just think Ewww!

crazylady321 · 12/08/2014 22:12

I must admit I have a certain ex I looked up not long after I got fb so years ago now just mainly out of curiosity I wanted to see if he was still with the lass he cheated on me with, I found out what I wanted and blocked him after just so I wouldnt be tempted again.... Silly me unblocked him after bumping into him on a night out after he asked me to add him, morning after id sobured up had a quick nose at his profile and blocked him again.

I have 2 exs and a couple of guys ive had flings with on fb and no issues with it

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/08/2014 22:18

I am friends with, and friends on Facebook with at least 4 exes. I have no interest in cyber stalking any of the exes that I have not continued not be friends with. I wouldn't waste any of my precious time on them.

MonetsGarden · 12/08/2014 23:03

I have an ex I look at, and I know I shouldn't - I don't have romantic feelings for him, but he was a shit, and he seems to live a charmed life -

cruikshank · 12/08/2014 23:13

[shoulders with Mumtobenovember] Sometimes I end up on people's pages and I've long since forgotten why I've got there.

I reckon there is a lot more stalking of this kind going on that you would imagine.

(Trans: I can't believe none of you are as stalky and weird as I am)

Also, in a slightly horrified vein, how do you know who has looked you up on LinkedIn?

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