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Original poster

Affairs

36 replies

Cheating101 · 30/07/2014 01:27

If you'd just married your partner of 10 years and then found out he'd had an affair for the last 2 years, would you ever be able to trust him again?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 30/07/2014 01:29

No

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 30/07/2014 01:30

No. I wouldn't be able to forgive, either.

solosolong · 30/07/2014 01:30

No. Two years is a very long time to keep up lies and presumably involved an emotional attachment. I think it would be very hard to get past that. Are you OK?

vicmackie · 30/07/2014 01:31

No.

Bogeyface · 30/07/2014 01:31

Sorry, but that was the short answer.

The long answer is that if he was cheating all along and still married you during the affair then it is clear that he a) has no intention of stopping cheating and b) wants to keep the wifey at home and the mistress in bed.

No, bin this loser.

Original poster
Cheating101 · 30/07/2014 01:37

Solo yes I'm fine it's not about me. I know the husband and the OW, but I was thinking if I was the wife I wouldn't trust him again and I wouldn't be able to forgive.

OP posts:
solosolong · 30/07/2014 01:41

No I wouldn't either, but people have all sorts of reasons for convincing themselves that everything will be ok. I suppose it isn't easy to give up on a 10 year relationship.

Original poster
Cheating101 · 30/07/2014 01:41

Bogey - it's not me. I just wondered about other peoples thoughts on it. As you say if it was me I'd have binned him (I like to think at least).

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheating101 · 30/07/2014 01:44

Solo - yes I know that's the thing it's a long time to be with someone, think everything's perfect and then have it shattered.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 30/07/2014 02:29

Sorry, I assumed it was you.

Does the wife know?

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 30/07/2014 08:39

no I wouldn't, how can you look someone in the eye put a ring on their finger while shagging someone else? LTB that is so awful op. :-( feel for you

HumblePieMonster · 30/07/2014 09:07

No, certainly not.

OCDdreamer · 30/07/2014 11:13

Nope!

Does the wife know? Will you tell her?

Squidstirfry · 30/07/2014 11:17

The wife deserves to know that she hes been lied to for 2 years

ivykaty44 · 30/07/2014 11:26

The wife (if appearing ignorant to the affair) may know and not wish to acknowledge the affair, choosing instead to ignore it for her own reasons.

How do we all know what we would actually do until we are put in that very predicament, and each affair and results will always be different as their are three different people involved.

OCDdreamer · 30/07/2014 11:29

ivy - you make a valid point

Pinkfrocks · 30/07/2014 12:53

IME there are wives who do know- along with everyone else knowing too- and they choose to live with it, often seeing it as a trade-off for other benefits the marriage brings them.
Not saying they are right, but people looking in from the outside don't necessarily know the whole story- or what is best.

whatisforteamum · 30/07/2014 13:10

No, i forgave my Dh for cheating once and everything went on as normal.No other incidents in 28 yrs.I met someone else 10 yrs ago and told my husband..it was his descion we stay married,My affair went on for 2 yrs ( which he hoped would be over quicker) .I know it sounds two faced but the point is you didnt know therefore made a choice to marry him without the full facts which will pray on your mind everytime something happens...is he lying again

Original poster
Cheating101 · 30/07/2014 14:03

Sorry been busy at work. Yes the wife found out because the OW told her after she's found out they had got married.

Some of you have some good points.

I like to think I would leave in that situation but I guess you never know unless it happens to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheating101 · 30/07/2014 14:14

OCD - yes the wife was told by OW. But if she didn't know I wouldn't have told her,I don't know her i don't feel it would be my place to tell her.

OP posts:
OCDdreamer · 30/07/2014 14:30

Fair enough - if I were you I also wouldn't have, especially if I didn't know the wife. Awful situation though.... Did the OW know about the wife?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 30/07/2014 14:36

No. There are some things I'd like to think that I could forgive but not that.

The OW in this situation must be absolutely bloody furious it wasn't her getting married if she's gone to the trouble of telling the wife. What a mess.

AlexVause82 · 30/07/2014 14:52

Girl in work is sleeping with 2 married men (she is also married) one of which is getting married on Friday

AlexVause82 · 30/07/2014 14:52

And she's not wearing any protection!

OCDdreamer · 30/07/2014 15:17

Wowzers....how do you come across info like that!?

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