Affairs

[Cheating101]

If you'd just married your partner of 10 years and then found out he'd had an affair for the last 2 years, would you ever be able to trust him again?

OCD - OW knew about her but not that they were getting married. He did the whole unhappily in a relationship can't leave but I want to thing, but he'd said that to everyone at work not just OW. He also said he'd never get married. So we were all fairly surprised when we found out he had.

Bitter - yup she is furious, but it's understandable.

OCD - which bit? I've spoken to the OW as I work with her but it's gone round the workplace so nearly everyone knows anyway

I think you never know what you would do unless you are in that situation.

My DP admits that prior to his ex wife having an affair he would of always said without a doubt that he would leave.

However he stayed, but the marriage was never the same again and ended very acrimoniously.

Whoops sorry, that was meant for Alex.

Apologies, failry new poster...

as others have said, it depends entirely on the people involved. I can imagine a situation where the cheated on person perhaps knows, or suspects but is content with the status quo for the stability of the marriage, financial situation etc. Just because an affair goes on for 2 years doesn't mean the pair are in love or even deeply emotionally involved- might just be occasional shagging when circumstances permit, or "fuck buddies". This is why I am always a little when the "the script" gets mentioned on here. Every single person, relationship and reaction is different and I think every situation should be judged independently, not likened to anyone else's past.

A definite no to your answer OP.

I'm always really surprised that on every thread like this someone says something like "some women know and turn a blind eye". Who are these women? Is this just an old wives tale that keeps recirculating? Are we just taking about the same one woman on every thread?
Surely there can't be enough of these women to make it a recognised group?

Fairy- from what I've seen and heard it was emotional as well as physical.

why not carryonedancing? I have never had any problem separating sex from love / relationships. I have had FBuddies in the past, for long periods of time. its just something we did, no more important than going for a beer or to a gig or something - never gave it a thought other than when I was actually with them - it had no bearing on any relationship I was in at the time. If my DPs had done similar, that would be fine. If DH told me he had /was having very occasional relations with someone because they push each others buttons then also fine, so long as I am free to do the same. So long as we maintain a healthy relationship and come back to each other for long term commitment, I see no issue (for us). If it did go wrong, well then, it goes wrong - demanding unbroken monogamy doesn't seem to work too well either judging by most of the threads on here, so maybe a different approach is worth trying. It doesn't HAVE to mean the end of a relationship unless you want it to.

Fairylight, thank you for identifying yourself as the one I keep hearing about

I'm not talking open relationship/whatever confusion you describe. When I've seen it mentioned, it's not really in that context. It's more as in, the woman is to afraid to lose the husband so turns a blind eye to keep the house etc.

No way.