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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my dad. I'm shaking

54 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 13:42

Was invited down to my parents house (local village) for bacon sandwich as I'm alone this weekend with children and no car

Get down there (given a lift by sister). Given cups of tea and Sandwich etc, my 3 yr old asks my father if there is any more bacon and he says yes there on the chopping board. She picks it up and eats half of it. He flipped and chased after her, she was giggling at this point - he then started to scream full blast to give it back to him and pinned her against the working kitchen cupboards trying to prise the last bit from her hands. I had poorly dd3 on my lap (she has chicken pox with high temp) and couldn't get up but 3yo was screaming in fear, I shouted for him to leave her alone etc which he finally did. I shouted what the hell was that she's 3 etc etc he told me to fuck off and leave. So I did, I carried dd2 and 3 and dd1 walked home 3 miles. I haven't stopped crying and shaking.

He's in his 50s. Perfectly normal normally I've never seen him loose his temper like that and I'm devastated.

OP posts:

SecretWitch · 28/06/2014 13:47

What a terrible thing for you and your children! I hope you are feeling safe and calmer being at home. The shock must be great. Later, when you are feeling better, can you call your sister or mum and ask if anything has changed for your father? Seeing that you said he has no form for this behaviour, could he be ill or having bad reaction to medication?

I feel so awful for you and your dd.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow · 28/06/2014 13:47

don't know what to say! Sounds awful and frightening. Hope your DDs are settled now and you can have a and collect your thoughts.

Was your Mum there? What was her reaction?

BelleOfTheBorstal · 28/06/2014 13:49

If this is a new thing for him, is it possible that he is under going some kind of health problem that has caused him to act this way?

BrianTheMole · 28/06/2014 13:49

Is he ill?

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 13:49

My mum was shouting at him to leave her alone, as was my eldest daughter. My brother in law said he's lost all respect for him.

Spoke to my mum she just sobbed and apologised over and over again

OP posts:

doziedoozie · 28/06/2014 13:53

Agree he might be ill or has something happened to make him so angry, completely unrelated to you or DD, eg he's lost a lot of money, he's been found out having an affair, you DM wants to leave him --- who knows? but something might come out over the next week or so.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 28/06/2014 13:56

Do you known how your father feels about the incident? Given the suddeness the severity and the fact it was out if character I'd suspect a medical issue - can he get checked out at GP?

LaceyLitch · 28/06/2014 14:16

I don't get why mum, sister or BIL didn't stop him, stick up for you or at the very least offer you a lift home?

SecretWitch · 28/06/2014 14:18

I do hope you will get a chance to speak privately to your mum. Perhaps she will be able to shed some light on your father's behaviour. I also hope you and your dc can go on to a calm and peaceful afternoon. How is your dd doing? I know she is just three but has she mentioned the incident? Either way lots of cuddles for her today..

SoleSource · 28/06/2014 14:20

I wonder why he did that? Was the bacon raw? Was he afraid she might choke? Maybe it triggered something from his childhood or something is playing heavily on his mind? Bizarre, your poor child!!

Smartiepants79 · 28/06/2014 14:21

All those other adults were there and no one did anything?
They all let you walk home?!
If this has never happened before then I would be concerned your dad is ill and needs some help.

Aoifebelle · 28/06/2014 14:26

If this was really out of character perhaps there is a general or mental health issue. Has your mum said his temper had gotten worse?

BitOutOfPractice · 28/06/2014 14:29

Why did they all let you walk home?

How frightening? Do you know why he flipped?

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 14:30

Bacon was cooked - maybe a 1/3 of a rasher left over from making sandwiches for every one.

He has mood swings - yes, up and down etc but never hostile or angry.

Yes to him being very stressed. We are a close family. My BIL thought he was messing about. So did I at first. We both had children on our laps and it only lasted a few seconds before he let her go and left the room.

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 14:32

Sister wasn't in the house. She didn't see it but they have been up here to check we are ok and we've made cakes with the kids to distract them.

I'm gobsmacked tbh. He's my dad, I'm a complete daddies girl and very close to him. I feel he's crossed the line and I'm really sad.

Doesn't help dp isn't here and has my car so I can't go any where with children and dd3 is flat out with a high temp and really poorly. People keep telling me it's better for them to get chicken pox when they're young but that's shit because she's proper poorly

OP posts:

Luggagecarousel · 28/06/2014 14:37

Any history of Huntigtons in your family? If your father has it, then one of his parents would also have had it.

angelohsodelight · 28/06/2014 14:38

Bloody hell, sounds like you are a bit in shock. Stay home, have some sugary tea and wait for your dh to come home. The chicken pox will soon be gone but it's a bugger when they've got it!

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 14:39

Huntingtons?

His father died in his 50s of a heart attack a long time ago and his mother died in her 80s after lots of strokes

OP posts:

FTS123 · 28/06/2014 14:39

Goodness, how awful, you poor things....you must find out why it happened and let him know it can never happen again

BalloonSlayer · 28/06/2014 14:39

A friend's dad started having some kind of mini-strokes which resulted in memory loss. It took a long time for them to get a diagnosis as he was quite young (under 60), but the change in personality was quite noticeable to his family.

One of the things my friend found the hardest was that he had previously adored her DD (his DGD) but suddenly didn't seem to care about her at all - eg hurt her once accidentally when playing a game but just laughed at her as she cried.

I am sorry that I can't remember what exact problem it was that he had, but thought I would post anyway in case it rang any bells.

OutragedFromLeeds · 28/06/2014 14:40

It sounds like your Dad needs to see a doctor fairly urgently.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 14:42

My mum confronted him and apparently he told her to fuck off and not come back

OP posts:

mousmous · 28/06/2014 14:45

poor you. lots of cuddles for your dd. make it clear to her that it was not her fault that grandpa got angry.

allisgood1 · 28/06/2014 14:45

Any sudden change in personality like this needs dr attention pretty quickly.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/06/2014 14:57

OP, I agree with Allisgood. Sudden personality changes need medical investigation. My DFriend and her family suffered years of abuse after her mum suddenly became violent and abusive. She and her siblings left home as soon as they could and had minimal contact with their mother (for their father's sake, he stayed). After her mum's death, it was discovered that she had a brain tumor that, although not fatal, was responsible for her violent behaviour.

I am so sorry that this happened to you and your family.

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