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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my dad. I'm shaking

54 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 13:42

Was invited down to my parents house (local village) for bacon sandwich as I'm alone this weekend with children and no car

Get down there (given a lift by sister). Given cups of tea and Sandwich etc, my 3 yr old asks my father if there is any more bacon and he says yes there on the chopping board. She picks it up and eats half of it. He flipped and chased after her, she was giggling at this point - he then started to scream full blast to give it back to him and pinned her against the working kitchen cupboards trying to prise the last bit from her hands. I had poorly dd3 on my lap (she has chicken pox with high temp) and couldn't get up but 3yo was screaming in fear, I shouted for him to leave her alone etc which he finally did. I shouted what the hell was that she's 3 etc etc he told me to fuck off and leave. So I did, I carried dd2 and 3 and dd1 walked home 3 miles. I haven't stopped crying and shaking.

He's in his 50s. Perfectly normal normally I've never seen him loose his temper like that and I'm devastated.

OP posts:

mrstiggy · 28/06/2014 15:05

Dear me OP, that sounds terrifying for you and your dc's. I seriously hope for you that he gets some insight to his behaviour and apologises. Glad your family are sticking with you and not minimising it.
I'd also say he may need medical attention if this really is out of the blue, when it all calms down a little someone should suggest that to him. And certainly don't leave your dc's around him whilst he is being that unpredictable. (Though I'm sure you have already decided that).

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 15:30

He's messaged me saying he's disgusted in himself and he hopes me and dd can try to forgive him

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 28/06/2014 15:30

Gosh I'm so sorry, - how awful for you all.
Your father sounds very, very unwell, I hate to say it, - but is you rmum still in the house with him, I would be concerned about her safety?

LoveBeingInTheSun · 28/06/2014 15:33

Someone needs to sit down and talk to him

primeminister · 28/06/2014 15:35

I agree this sounds very much like an incident related to problems with the brain - could be a tumour or the beginnings of vascular dementia. Would suggest you try extremely hard to persuade him to go to the doctors. Hope you begin to feel a little better soon.

CeliaFate · 28/06/2014 15:38

How shocking and upsetting for you. It sounds as though it is a medical problem. I would message back and say you can forgive him in time, but he must go to the doctors to find out what is happening.

shouldnthavesaid · 28/06/2014 15:41

Is your mum safe? Is she willing/able to call for emergency help if she should need it?

I would say she might be best to stay with you or your sister and call nhs direct at the very least. Your dad sounds like he needs urgent help for his and everyone else's safety.

MissYamabuki · 28/06/2014 15:43

Agree with others, dementia and a brain tumour can cause sudden , negative personality changes.

Wadingthroughsoup · 28/06/2014 15:57

How upsetting for you all :(

Sorry to say that I thought the same as other posters re brain tumour, or other medical issue. I hope he can see his GP as soon as possible. All the best.

sykadelic · 28/06/2014 17:27

Agree with others saying he should see a doctor. Could be any number of things but the first step is him admitting he has a problem and getting help.

Hissy · 28/06/2014 17:39

He told your dm to fuck off, and texted you to say sorry and for you to forgive him?

He's having a fucking laugh, surely?

No reply, let him sweat until you've calmed down a bit, spoken to your dp etc.

eddielizzard · 28/06/2014 17:43

take some space. this sounds like it's totally out of character. don't rush in, wait and get some breathing space.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 20:01

Can't talk to DP. he's his own drama. He's spent the day with his ex... and has deleted all text from her.

I think my problems are bigger than my dad right now.

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 28/06/2014 20:10

To add to all the other health possibilities, Alzheimer's. About 30% of patients have un-controlled rages.

He's young for this or any other kinds of the dementia mentioned, but it could be early onset.

42notTrendy · 28/06/2014 20:12

How awful for you, I hope you are ok. My dad had a fall, then a mini stroke earlier this year. His recovery is going well, but it has bought to the fore some of his less desirable personality traits, and has exacerbated others. In particular, he gets very stressed very quickly, which results in him raising his voice (he was very shouty when I was younger) and snapping at whoever is there. It tends to be situations that are new or unpredictable, for instance parking in a busy, unknown car park or trying to understand instructions for something new. He is very aware of why he is like it, and he hates it, but tries incredibly hard to control it.

You may have a long road ahead of you, but perhaps you could go and see him face to face and talk about what happened. If you are close, then you might be right person to suggest he has a chat with his GP.

ICanHearYou · 28/06/2014 20:15

Sounds like an illness to me, he need to seek professional help, as soon as I read your OP I was thinking that.

Finola1step · 28/06/2014 20:20

Ok now I'm confused.

You have had an awful experience with your dad and your dp is not available to support you because he is spending the day with his ex? Why?

Is your dp the father of the 3 year old?

Vivacia · 28/06/2014 20:22

At some point you and your dad need to sit down and talk about what happened. Texts, or talking through other people, are not the right way to deal with this.

somedizzywhore1804 · 28/06/2014 20:22

This is bizarre. Has he ever had flashes of extreme temper before?

LuluJakey1 · 28/06/2014 21:06

That's awful. If he just lost it for no reason and it is out of character than I would suspect health problem definitely.
If there is something behind it your mum must have seen the signs.

What is she saying about it all? You need to talk to her alone. Is DD ok?

Why is DP spending the day with his ex?

mysteryfairy · 28/06/2014 21:21

Please please get your mum to get medical attention for your dad. Similarly out of character behaviour from FIL was how we found out about his brain tumour.

GenuinelyMaryMacguire · 28/06/2014 23:00

Yes, I was going to suggest brain tumour. The ex has one and that's how it was discovered by his third family.

Your dd will need support, it won't just go away.

Luggagecarousel · 29/06/2014 00:04

His father died in his 50s of a heart attack a long time ago

How sure are you that this was correctly diagnosed at the time, and has been correctly reported by his family?

Even if it was a true heart attack, were there any other medical problems before hand?

CookieDoughKid · 29/06/2014 00:50

Do you think having your kids around your dad is getting too much for him? Being at his age and all that?

GarlicJunoWho · 29/06/2014 03:05

Assuming he's still remorseful tomorrow, I would take advantage of it to insist he sees a doctor on Monday. I'd also have a long chat with your mum. Now this has happened, she's not safe.

I'm sorry for everything you're going through - it sounds like hell! Here's hoping your father's sudden flip was due to something readily fixable, like diabetes. Good luck.

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