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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Holy shit! Can't believe I am considering this!!

44 replies

Bigbird01 · 23/03/2014 19:04

I'm single. Have a friend who I know through a group of friends so know his wife kids etc. we get on very well and all has been fine and I admit that I have had a bit of a soft spot for him but have never acted on it!

Suddenly he has become very flirtatious with me. Last time we were together he kissed me (we were both drunk) and now he has made it very clear that he'd like to see a lot more of me 'wink wink'! For some stupid unknown reason I didn't tell to fuck right off! What is wrong with me?? Now I feel guilty, terrified how I'm going to react when he next contacts me and, even worse, actually really excited about seeing him.

I'm not religious, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell if don't get myself out of this!!

Help! What do I do??

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 19:05

Tell him no.

mammadiggingdeep · 23/03/2014 19:06

Tell him no. Then ask yourself why you didn't push him away when he kissed you, seeing as you know his wife and all.

bebows · 23/03/2014 19:07

Do you fancy a bit of naughty slap and tickle? It could be very exciting :)

Biscuitsneeded · 23/03/2014 19:07

You tell him you like him very much, but he's not in a position to be flirting with you and it is unfair on you, his wife and his kids, and you WALK AWAY.

irrationalme · 23/03/2014 19:08

He's playing 'You're It Shag'

run for the hills

antimatter · 23/03/2014 19:09

don't do it - it may spoil your friendships
also - he is probably trying it on other friends as well
so you may be one of many of his flirts

puppadompreach · 23/03/2014 19:09

bebows did you miss the fact the man is married?

Obviously it's a no, unless he's in an open marriage (you'd want to check this with his wife, I'd imagine...)

Logg1e · 23/03/2014 19:12

Er, stop treating this as though it's akin to eating the last biscuit in the barrel? Think, for a second about his wife and children? Or perhaps tell the other women in your friendship group that he's already cheated on his wife with you?

Dahlen · 23/03/2014 19:12

Indulge the fantasy for a moment. Think about the great sex you might have.

Now play it out to its conclusion. The odds of you both having a bit of fun that you mutually and amicably decide to end at the same time are very, very slim. Far more likely is that one of you wants more than the other is prepared to give, or that you are caught. Who in their right minds would trade a little bit of nooky for the misery of experiencing unrequited love, the constant anxiety inherent in living a lie, or the social ostracism of being the publicly named and shamed OW. Because make no bones about it OP, as the woman you will be the one who takes the fall out if this affair becomes public.

The best way to avoid this is to get your life in a state where this sort of opportunity is seen for the poisoned chalice it is. If you want sex and to feel desired, start dating people who are free to date. IF you need validation about your worth as a person, see a therapist.

SilkStalkings · 23/03/2014 19:13

He is fantasising and looking for a bit of escapism, a toy if you will. He may not mean to actually go further but if you lay yourself on a plate, things are going to 'just happen'. If you don't want to be treated like a toy, don't act like one.

crispyporkbelly · 23/03/2014 19:14

Bebow - are you the married bloke?

WeAreDetective · 23/03/2014 19:17

Don't. Just don't.

mammadiggingdeep · 23/03/2014 19:21

Bebow is prob a man getting off on the idea of a woman considering an affair with a mm.

Guitargirl · 23/03/2014 19:24

You could have some self-respect and tell him to piss off. Am assuming that you don't have children?

FragglerockAmpersand · 23/03/2014 19:24

Well, obviously not Hmm

Come on, now. Think of the aftermath. The sex will be crap, anyway. He's just sniffing out a woman silly enough to give him a bit of sordid excitement away from family responsibilities.

Tell him to fuck off and go and either have a wank or go and find a single man who's not a total douche.

AnyFucker · 23/03/2014 19:25

Yes, what is wrong with you ?

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 23/03/2014 19:26

Yuk

TeaAndALemonTart · 23/03/2014 19:28

Eww, what a cunt. Avoid or tell his wife, you'll be doing her a favour.

headlesslambrini · 23/03/2014 19:28

How old are the kids? Can you live with breaking up a family.

thornrose · 23/03/2014 19:29

Help what do I do? and you asked this on relationships?

What do you expect people to say, really?

handfulofcottonbuds · 23/03/2014 19:30

Do you really need to ask opinions on this?

Have some self respect - it will only lead to unbelievable pain.

The man has a wife and children fgs!!!

Gorran · 23/03/2014 19:31

Err, he's married with children? You walk away. That's it.

mammadiggingdeep · 23/03/2014 19:32

And the title is

'Cant believe I'm
Considering this'

No, nor can I. It's a bit...desperate...don't you think??

SilkStalkings · 23/03/2014 19:32

Fantasies are all very nice but icky reality kicks in as soon as you've orgasmed (if you're that lucky.)

IAmNotAMindReader · 23/03/2014 19:33

Imagine his wife turning up on your doorstep with the kids in tow, them crying and asking where their daddy is and her full of anger at your betrayal. Doe sit still seem exciting? because they're the ones who will pay.

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