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Relationships

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Original poster

Whats the best way when you move in with someone who owns a house?

65 replies

Bogeyface · 13/03/2014 20:19

Musing because DS will be in this situation in the summer and he has asked me about it and I am not sure what to advise.

If you move in with someone who has recently bought a home should a) contribute on the basis that it is your home too and presumably you are not planning on splitting up? And if so, when do you insist that your name is on the deeds? Straight away, after a year, marriage? or b) pay your share of everything else but the mortgage on the basis that it is their asset and as you dont have a claim on it, why should you be helping to pay it off? or c) pay rent for the use of the house?

b) and c) would of course mean that you have no say at all over the house in anyway so it may not feel like home so personally I would want to go for a) but that is quite selfish.....!

OP posts:

SoleSource · 13/03/2014 20:26

Does the other person expect a contribution towards the mortgagee? If so, insisted name is on the deeds, straight away.

Mrswellyboot · 13/03/2014 20:28

I wouldn't live with a homeowner unless we were married but the owner could have a rent book for their partner to protect themselves.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 13/03/2014 20:30

In DS's case I am not sure, but her mother is sticking her oar in in no small way so it complicates things. Long story short she is very controlling, hates DS as much as she has hated every one of her DD's BFs and actively tried to sabotage her DD's degree so she would have to move back home. She tried to stop the house purchase too, but when her DD did it anyway (she is 30 btw!) she then stepped it up to stop her living with (or marrying) DS.

He is gonna have fun with that one......

OP posts:

lovingsunshine · 13/03/2014 20:42

I would say option c.

If I owned a house there is no way I would want to put my partners name on the deeds and risk losing the house if we split up.

It is not easy to get on the property ladder as it is and I doubt anyone would give up the security of having their own house that easily.

cricketpitch · 13/03/2014 21:15

It really depends on what they both want. As long as the consequences are spelled out to them then they can make a decision. (A short visit to a lawyer would not cost them much and make things clear.)

I lived with one man but neither of us really felt "this is it" so we kept it on a rent basis - protecting us both. He got offered a more exciting job in another part of the country and we split up as he still didn't want to get married.

Next time I did it, (with DP) we had DD on the way and it was a different thing. We both knew this was a us becoming a family - so both names on the deeds.

Coelacanth · 13/03/2014 21:45

I wouldn't put a partner's name on the deeds of my home, if it came to it I'd rather sell up and buy somewhere else jointly if the relationship were that serious.

I'd probably do option b).

Dahlen · 13/03/2014 21:51

My own personal viewpoint is that I would never move into someone else's home (owned or rented) nor would I let them move in with me. Quite aside from issues of ownership and residency a person who has lived in a home for a time on their own has made that house their home. There is a feeling that you are a visitor in their home or them in yours.

As a homeowner I would probably put my house on a BTL mortgage for a time while renting with a new partner and then buy a place together when I was as certain as I could be that it would work out. To protect my equity I'd see a solicitor about splitting ownership of the newly mortgaged property fairly. I'd expect a fellow home-owning partner to do the same.

If that wasn't practical for whatever reason, I would very reluctantly agree to either live in their property for a time or have them in mine on the understanding that I would not be paying rent/mortgage but this would be for a specified limited time, after which we would be looking to buy somewhere new together with both of us on the deeds that felt like it was jointly ours.

But that's a personal POV and not everyone is as territorial over their living space as I am.

arsenaltilidie · 13/03/2014 21:55

Living together Agreement

Botanicbaby · 13/03/2014 22:15

When my friend first moved in with her DP of many years (both late twenties/early thirties at the time), she refused to pay towards his mortgage as he'd not bought the place with her (they had discussed it beforehand).

So she went for option b) where she paid her fair share of utility and food bills etc. She refused to pay him any rent (as he'd went ahead with the purchase alone), don't think he asked for any either as it was all in his name the way he'd wanted it.

His reasons for not buying that flat with her were complicated (I think) as he owned lots of other properties he let out.

They are now married and in a house that they bought together so it worked out for them in the end. I think my friend was right not to pay 'rent' to him under the circumstances. I wouldn't advise your DS to pay rent but if contribution to mortgage was required then he should be on the deeds. Or they buy somewhere together?

Beastofburden · 13/03/2014 22:17

I think pay rent to start with and then buy her out of her share of the house once they are sure about their relationship.

MrsShrek3 · 13/03/2014 22:21

I owned a house when dh was a mere aquaintance. We didn't live together before we were married but he stayed at weekends. He moved in a couple of weeks before the wedding as it simply wasn't sensible to move at that point, I earned over double the amount he did and it would have made no sense financially. We didn't alter the mortgage/deeds but did put everything else in joint names. A couple of years down the line after ds1 arrived we did move, and that house was obv jointly owned, although I have always paid the mortgage. It didn't cause us a problem. well we're 20yrs on and still married anyway

TheFabulousIdiot · 13/03/2014 22:25

Yes, contribute as if you are acing rent somewhere else.

I don't think it would be right to insist that he be on the deeds. Insisting is a bad idea. Perhaps he could formalise the relationship with a proposal of marriage or a baby?

It would be wrong of hi. To not pay 'rend' given that the only other place he might expect to pay nothing would be with his parents and even that would be a bit weird at his age.

You should advise him to pay half of everything, rent (mortgage), bills, utilities, food. Then if he wants to formalise the relationship now r in months to come he should bring that up with his other half himself.

TheFabulousIdiot · 13/03/2014 22:27

Wow Botanicbaby, how long did your friend live rent free for. Nice if you can get it!

BeforeAndAfter · 13/03/2014 22:28

Option b. Your DS could put what he would have paid in rent into a savings account for a deposit on any home they would buy jointly in the future.

Quinteszilla · 13/03/2014 22:28

I would say option D) which is to help her mother fulfill her dreams, so that your ds does not end up married to this woman. (I know I know, bad form, but I remember your last thread.)

Botanicbaby · 13/03/2014 22:49

thefabulousidiot I don't think it was that long before they ended up moving and buying a place together (which was what my friend wanted in the first place).

They both met when they were 18 and both lived at home. He worked in property and had bought lots of buy to let properties. When they decided to live together, she wanted it to be equal and to be on the mortgage and pay her equal share of that. He insisted he wanted to buy the flat on his own but still wanted them to 'move in together' so I don't blame her for not wanting to pay him rent really. She paid her way for all the bills and so on and some.

In the end, he lost out on his property portfolio when the recession hit and she ended up bailing him out.

happydutchmummy · 13/03/2014 23:05

Dh owned his house when I moved in with him, and I paid him a very reduced amount of rent. Enough to cover all the bills, extra council tax, and a bit extra so he could save up for some home improvements. After all I was living there and would have needed to pay my rent, etc if I lived somewhere else. It never even crossed my mind to get my name on the deeds, and I don't believe it would have been morally right to demand it. Once we had kids and I reduced my hours at work the house remained in his name but I stopped paying my rent however I did do all the food shopping fro my salary.

I then inherited enough money to buy my own house outright. We considered selling his house too and buying somewhere jointly but as I could afford an amazing house in my perfect location without his financial help I bought on my own. We now live in my house as a happy family, I have no mortgage and the situation is that he pays all the bills, etc and he rents out his house which covers his mortgage.

It is perfectly possible for one person in the relationship to own the house, but for both people to view it as their home.

CoolCadbury · 13/03/2014 23:21

bogeyface. Is this the gf who is really needy? Or have I got the wrong person?

I owned my previous property when DP moved in. I made the decision to not charge rent but to pay half of running costs (bills/food). I was definitely not going to let him contribute to the mortgage as I did not want any future claim if things went wrong (having been burnt in the past). He also had a lot of debts and by not paying rent, he was able to be debt free. We now have a relationship where we contribute 50% each.

He needs to have a frank discussion with his gf about how money is going to work in the relationship, not just about mortgage/rent but all the rest too. MNetters always say "discuss it before you move in together".

Original poster

Bogeyface · 13/03/2014 23:47

Cool Yep, you got the right one!

Tbh this is a whole can of worms, but I was basing my OP on the fact that if you live with a man then you should pay towards his mortgage so you are allowed to claim a portion, and if you allow a man to move in with you then you should never let him pay a penny!

OP posts:

Pinkandwhite · 14/03/2014 00:01

Like happydutchmummy, I moved in with a bf (now DH) who owned his own property and I just paid him a very low rent until we got engaged. I was very happy with that because I knew he had put a deposit into his flat and it didn't seem fair that I should potentially benefit from that until it was certain our relationship was for keeps. Obviously I thought it was a long term relationship when I moved in but you never know and as I said, it wouldn't have been fair on him for me to have a claim on his property at that stage.

I was also happy because the minimal amount he charged me left me with a lot of extra disposable income comared to the rent I had been paying. What I paid was about a third of what I was paying to rent a room abd pay bills in a shared house.

BadLad · 14/03/2014 03:19

I was basing my OP on the fact that if you live with a man then you should pay towards his mortgage so you are allowed to claim a portion, and if you allow a man to move in with you then you should never let him pay a penny!

Talk about one rule for some and another rule for others.

ItIsAnIdeasGame · 14/03/2014 04:01

When i moved in with DH, he didn't want any rent off me, so i paid bills. We were engaged and married 12 months later and then he put my name on the deeds when we remortgaged.

I would not stay for longer than 1 year as a renter without some formalising of the relationship.

Prettykitty111 · 14/03/2014 06:59

I did a. I wish I'd done c. After 4 years together (2 horrible) I ended up £14000 in debt which took me two years of living back with my parents and saving every penny to pay off. That's after the 18 months I had to live with them because I couldn't live in "my" house because he wouldn't move out and I couldn't afford to rent because I had to be able to pay the mortgage if he didn't one month. That was a horrible time which still affects me financially now.

RoganJosh · 14/03/2014 07:01

I used to contribute to H so that we both had the same amount of money left over, so it was related to our salaries.

meerschweinchen · 14/03/2014 07:07

Dh owned his own house when I moved in with him. We just put the money I would have spent on rent into a savings account. When we did then get married and move to a bigger house, we had a nice lump sum to help towards the mortgage, moving costs etc. Worked really well for us, but looking back I realise how trusting he was, as the savings account was all in my name! His rationale was that he'd been paying the mortgage and bills on his own anyway, and had budgeted accordingly, so we might as well save my contribution. Was a great way to save money,and obviously we ended up married in the end anyway. I guess it all depends how serious their relationship is, and what their future plans are.

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