Whats the best way when you move in with someone who owns a house?

[Bogeyface]

Musing because DS will be in this situation in the summer and he has asked me about it and I am not sure what to advise.

If you move in with someone who has recently bought a home should a) contribute on the basis that it is your home too and presumably you are not planning on splitting up? And if so, when do you insist that your name is on the deeds? Straight away, after a year, marriage? or b) pay your share of everything else but the mortgage on the basis that it is their asset and as you dont have a claim on it, why should you be helping to pay it off? or c) pay rent for the use of the house?

b) and c) would of course mean that you have no say at all over the house in anyway so it may not feel like home so personally I would want to go for a) but that is quite selfish.....!

We went for option c, and have actually each rented off each other at some point

I lived with my DH before we were a couple, and rented his spare room as a friend. A year later we got together as a couple and I carried on paying rent.

I then moved out for a year (as was planned before we got together) and so paid rent elsewhere while he paid his mortgage. This was a tricky year as I spent a lot of time at his house yet wasn't contributing as I was renting elsewhere. But it was only for a year, and it was important to me to have my own place while we worked out where the relationship was going.

I then bought a house of my own near to my work, and he sold his house and moved in. So he now paid me rent. This seemed fair as I'd just paid him rent for a year! Several years later we bought a bigger house together, which obviously benefited from both of our rental payments, as we'd kept that rent within the couple rather than paying a landlord (except for my one year elsewhere).

I think an important thing to ensure is that the person who owns the house needs to be able to afford the house if the other person moves out. If one partner is renting, then they can have no obligation to stay.

Another way I have seen done is for the non-owner to pay rent into a joint bank account that is solely for this money, with the agreement that it is to be split if things go wrong (a dual signature requirement for withdrawal would protect this). Or that it will pay for holidays or something else joint. This makes it a bit less like 'paying rent' but keeps the renting partners spending money similar to the mortgagee and means the mortgagee has some contribution in the event that the relationship doesn't work out.

Good luck with the other mother! Try to forget the other stuff she's done - on the house, she's only doing what you'd do to protect your son!

All the burden all the profit.

Half the burden half the profit.

I own my flat. It has a mortgage I can afford on my own. I've been paying it for many years.

I would not want a mover inner to pay rent or my mortgage. I would only ask for half bills. And if we split up they could fuck off and leave me and my flat alone.

I paid a very basic rent to my dp. Very little to be honest. But was happy to buy things around the house like curtains etc. we split food bills.

We bought a house together since we got married. I'm jointly on the deeds now.

100% C

I agree with those saying it is not fair at all for your ds to be rent free. Why should he have such subsidised living costs just because his gf has bought a property?!

If I were the gf, c is the only option I would consider. A - absolutely out of the question at this early stage. If they marry the house will become joint property anyway. B - a set up like this is freeloading.

'The idea of paying off someone's mortgage with no gain at the end is not a good idea.,

People who rent are doing this every month. if the alternative to paying a loved one a fair rent for shelter is paying a stranger a fair rent for shelter then surely it's clearly the decent thing to offer a fair rent.

I am surprised how many people think it's ok to live n some. Else's house for free or just by paying bills. Nice if you can get away with it but It's a bit immature.

I moved into DH's house once we got married and we just pooled our income (mine much much lower than his) into a joint account. It would have felt odd to pay rent to someone I was in a committed relationship with. You certainly couldn't claim housing benefit if you were renting in such an arrangement, and that's because the govt expect that if you're in a relationship you're sharing finances and your partner wouldn't be charging you rent. I personally preferred to live separately until we were at the stage of being fully committed (which took seven years), which is rather old-fashioned but it worked best for us.

I went for c when moving in with dh.

He owned the house and I would have felt deeply uncomfortable living there rent free. However I didn't want to own the house or have any claim to it - if it hadn't worked out I'd have walked away. Same as leaving any rented property.

Once we decided to marry we remortgaged in both our names and now we share finances from which the mortgage is paid.

TheFabulous - don't you think it depends on the circumstances of each couple? In my situation, DP (home owner) earns almost three times as much as me. In addition, he has hugely benefitted from the fact his parents helped him get on the property ladder very young. If I paid him rent,this already much bigger disposable income would get even bigger, while my already much smaller one would get smaller. Also, I have sacrificed some of my earning potential by living in his country instead of mine, and I have travel costs to pay in order to get home to see my family a few times a year.

So it really doesnt feel 'immature' to me not to pay him rent. I contribute a lot to our home life in other ways. It feels fair. This isn't a forever situation, eventually I hope to save enough money to go in on the next house purchase with him, though I will never be able to contribute as much as him.

I honestly think every situation is different and complicated, its a bit much to write everyone not paying rent off as 'immature'.

I think whatever the market rate of rent would be, you should pay half of it. After all, you're only getting half a room. Then you can save a bit too in case you split up.

Alternatively, the owner/partner can charge you full rent, but save it and then if you stay together you have a deposit for your next place, or of you split up the owner can give you half back.

Each couple needs to talk about it and work out what is best for their individual circumstance, striking a balance between being a couple with plans for the future as a couple and both of them being protected if they split up.

If I charged the market rent for half a 2 bed flat in my area my partner would be paying all of my mortgage, all of my service charges, all of the council tax and all of my utility bills. That's not terribly fair, really. For someone who has just bought a flat then the finances would look quite different.

When I moved in with DH, when he was still DP, I paid for our food, which was a similar amount to mortgage and bills, but I kept my own house, which was rented out. After we married I sold my house and now we contrinuite equally to a joint account for household expenses.

The house is still in his sole name, 10 years on, but his Will allows me to stay there after his death, unless I remarry or move another man in, and to sell this house and buy, say, a flat, on the same basis. Also under the terms of his Will, the house will be sold on my death and the proceeds go to our respective children in unequal shares, reflecting a capital investment I made after we were married.

That wouldn't suit everyone, but I've got used now to the fact that it is not strictly my house.

check spareroom.com or whatever, and pay that amount as rent to her.
She gets some money, which she can spent on her mortgage/bill - then split the food bills.

I'm in this situation.
I own the house and did so at least a decade before DP came along.

I see it that he is paying rent so option C. He however thinks its his house too.
I have taken legal advice though which basically said he has a right to nothing unless he could prove he paid for say a conservatory/extension/roof etc.
Since he hasn't paid a penny for upkeep he's in a poor position if we ever split.

I tried to encourage him to buy a house with me, whilst keeping and renting mine out to give him some security, but he wouldn't go for it. Silly on his part. Always good to have some financial independence IMO.

When we got together DW (still DP then)bought the house; as I was still paying for house that XW and DC lived in when she got the mortgage I had to specifically disclaim rights to the building society...

When finance were sorted out, I got added to the deeds.

We ran our house pre/post me on the deeds out of an equally funded joint account.
I earned more money, but I was paying child support.
Later

If it were me, rent and a fair share of utilities as if I were house sharing with a mate, but NO property maintenance or additional money spent on the house, in the knowledge that if we split up and were not married, the house owner would get everything.

Once married, name on the deeds and mortgage/bills etc proportional according to salary.