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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He dont want to be involved because im having a girl?

48 replies

Loislulabell1 · 13/10/2013 12:46

Hi guys! Has anyone else been in a similar situation as me.... My ex boyfriend is my ex for the fact of that he left me when we found out we was having a little girl! From the start of my pregnancy he would call the baby he and i would always say it might be a girl? And on our scan when they announced it was a little girl i was over the moon but he stormed out and once i tried to speak to him about it he left me:( i am now 29 weeks and due 30 december and so scared about doing this on my own....i dont have a mum or dad as they both passed away in a car accident when i was young and being only 19 most of my friends are at uni...just need some reassuring and how do i get over this relationship!

OP posts:

Lweji · 13/10/2013 12:48

It sounds like you're better off without him.

There will be mummy and baby groups you can go to and build friendships with other mums from there. You may even be able to help each other.

You will be ok, because you'll have to for your little daughter.

Take care. :)

SanityClause · 13/10/2013 12:49

You know what?

If this is his attitude to girls and women, it would be best for your little one if he wasn't around, frankly.

What RL support do you have? I'm sure your midwife could put you in touch with Surestart, or the likes?

dyslexicdespot · 13/10/2013 12:50

Poor you! Although, it sounds like you have had a lucky escape. Promise yourself never to get back together with your ex. He is an ass, and you will manage on your own! Best of luck!

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 13/10/2013 12:51

Congratulations. You are well rid of your ex. When you hold your snuggly newborn baby girl in your arms you will want to protect her from idiots like him. You and her will be a family. Best of luck

totallydone · 13/10/2013 12:53

You will get over this pretty quickly because you realise what a fool this man is? Does he not realise it's the male that determines the sex of the baby so ultimately it's his fault
You and your DD will be a team, it will be hard going on your own initially but well worth it as she grows. Do you have any family nearby?
Focus on your baby anf yourself for the rest of your pregnancy--just remember to contact the CSA when she is born.
There may be a chance that he will change his mind. Does he contact you at all??
Hand holding here--what a lovely Christmas present you are going to have.

DragonMamma · 13/10/2013 12:55

I've been there with my DD - it was crap. Utter crap. I will never forget the look on his face when the sonographer told us it was a girl. He had his mobile in his hand ready to text everybody it was a boy (his DB only had girls and he was convinced he would be the one to bring about change) and as soon as he heard the word girl - his face fell, he shoved his phone away and plonked his arse in the chair.

From then on it went downhill due to this and other problems, namely his nasty coke addiction which he hid so well and I left him a month or so later and my DD is now 6 and we haven't heard from him in 4.5years and before that it was only a couple of times.

I am sorry to hear about your parents, it must be a very scary time for you but please please let your midwife know your situation and that you are feeling scared and overwhelmed, they may be able to put you in touch with local groups for young mums/single mums and it may well be in your interest to contact your local Homestart - they can buddy you up with somebody who can come around for a couple of hours a week to help you out with all sorts of things or just be a listening ear.

Have you thought about joining any online antenatal clubs? I know there's lots on Facebook. I joined one on another website at the time and 6 years on, I'm still brilliant friends with all the women there and they really are a lifeline when you have crap days.

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 13/10/2013 12:58

Also want to echo what some one else said above about mother and baby groups. You wil meet a whole network of new people. There are plenty of young single Mums out there. Mumsnet is also great for hand holding so you will not be on your own. I know it is hard to see now but giving birth is the most amazing experience. 2014 will be you and your little girl's year.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 13/10/2013 13:01

Firstly congratulations.!

As Lweji says you're both better off with out him. How selfish of him to storm off and throw his rattle of his pram because he didn't get what he wanted, when there are 1000's of men who would give anything for a child regardless of gender. No decent good person would walk away form their child because of it's gender. You should also keep in mind that the gender is his doing as it is the man's sperm that determines the gender.
Also I'm really sorry to hear about your mum and dad but they will be looking after you and your little one.
As a single mum myself I wont say it will be easy but being a mum isn't easy for anyone. However rightly or wrongly when I look at how well my daughter is turning out I feel proud and think "I did that". I am also proud of the fact that I have always worked and set her a good example. However I do understand that working does not work for every lone parent.
I promise this new little person coming into your life will bring you lots of joy and love. Also as Lweji says you can meet other mums by going to baby groups ect. xxx

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 13/10/2013 13:09

I also want to chip in again here and say before the government pass judgement on single parents and give tax breaks to married couples then perhaps they should come on here and read threads like these as I never hear them criticsize the absent parent. Is it because lone parents are an easy target, me thinks so. xxx

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/10/2013 13:35

How come on your Money Board thread you say you're living with your Mum?

SnookyPooky · 13/10/2013 14:56

Well spotted Cog.

mumofboyo · 13/10/2013 15:07

If this is to be believed....
You're better off without someone who clearly has little regard for girls/women. Raising a baby on your own, whilst hard, is not impossible.

ArtexMonkey · 13/10/2013 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosencrantz · 13/10/2013 15:28

He sounds like a complete no hope. You are soooo better off without.

BabylonReturns · 13/10/2013 15:31

Penny13 · 13/10/2013 15:40

Congrats! You are better off without your ex. I would cut him off completely! If he sees the error of his ways once his daughter is here I would seek legal advice and make everything on your terms.
Good luck

NandH · 13/10/2013 15:40

Op, I was you 2 years ago, I was 18 and twunt of an ex boyfriend said the same, he also an arse hole anyway and so I left him. Dd is better without him, he's never really been involved and dd and I are fab! I didn't have much family support either.

Basically, you can do it on your own, you'll get into a routine and you'll realise you didn't need him anyway :)

Good luck

NandH · 13/10/2013 15:43

If you live with your mum, I'm sure she'll help :)

Fairenuff · 13/10/2013 15:47

Congratulations on escaping from a horrible man.

Do not allow him back in your life under any circumstances, you have to put your dd first now.

You live with your mum? I assume you mean the person who raised you after your natural mum died? Is she supportive?

SpottyDottie · 13/10/2013 16:12

He does realise that its the mans sperm that determines the sex of a baby doesn't he??

LucyLastik · 13/10/2013 16:22

You know what?

If this is his attitude to girls and women, it would be best for your little one if he wasn't around, frankly.

This. Absolutely.

SunshineSuperNova · 13/10/2013 16:24

I'm sorry about your situation, he sounds like a prize arsehole.

Will your mum be able to help when your daughter is born?

ZZZenagain · 13/10/2013 16:30

her parents both died unfortunately, she is on her own.

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2013 16:34

Will people at least read the OP's posts?? Especially as the thread hasn't got 30 posts yet!

Her parents sadly died when she was younger, so she is starting to feel overwhelmed! So a couple of you have written some spectacularly unhelpful posts!!

OP, ask everyone you can for support, starting with your midwife. She'll be able to give lots of advice. Do you have any other family you can turn to?
Your ex is no loss whatsoever, but did his family know your situation?

SunshineSuperNova · 13/10/2013 16:34

ZZZ not according to another thread the OP posted today. Mum is apparently very much alive (unless she's an adoptive mum, in which case I stand corrected).

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