He dont want to be involved because im having a girl?

[Loislulabell1]

Hi guys! Has anyone else been in a similar situation as me.... My ex boyfriend is my ex for the fact of that he left me when we found out we was having a little girl! From the start of my pregnancy he would call the baby he and i would always say it might be a girl? And on our scan when they announced it was a little girl i was over the moon but he stormed out and once i tried to speak to him about it he left me:( i am now 29 weeks and due 30 december and so scared about doing this on my own....i dont have a mum or dad as they both passed away in a car accident when i was young and being only 19 most of my friends are at uni...just need some reassuring and how do i get over this relationship!

[clam]

Nanny: I take it you didn't read cogito's post either?

[AnnieLobeseder]

From MN's rules on troll-hunting. Bold is my own.

"If you're concerned that someone is trolling, do please let us at MNHQ know all about them by pressing the Report button or mailing us at [email protected]. We will always reply to your report or mail, and we promise take your concerns seriously and closely monitor any potential troublemakers.
But do, please, resist the urge to 'trollhunt' on the boards: in our experience, trolls thrive on attention – the more dramatically other posters react, the more likely they are to stick around and cause mayhem. Ignore their posts and, usually, they'll go away.

[Fairenuff]

Yeah, I read cog's post and asked the OP if the woman she lives with and calls 'mum' is the woman who raised her after her natural mother died. So I did RTFT.

[Strumpetron]

I need to take note of this, I call my stepdad dad even though my real dad died.


OP you're well rid. His attitude towards women is appalling!! Just think how you've saved yourself

[clam]

Fairenough, I was talking to Nanny, not you. And I didn't say RTFT!

[Fairenuff]

I know clam, so was I. And I know you didn't say RTFT because I RFTF

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Where abouts are you OP? I'm sure there will be some local support groups you could join? I found these really useful when I had my DD

[SnookyPooky]

Could be a step mum, her Mum died on her 16th birthday........

[morethanpotatoprints]

Poor love, but you will manage and you can do this.
If you speak to your midwife/hv or visit your surgery there will be leaflets offering differnt groups for support, friendship and a caring environment.
I agree with many who have said you are better off without this arse of a man, what a hateful attitude he has.

[ZZZenagain]

Hi loislula, I haven't been in the same situation as you. It must be very upsetting for you that he is acting like this and rejecting the baby at this stage.

How do you get over the relationship? - The way you get over every relationship in the end - with time. Might take a long time since he is the father of your dc and having her around will make you think about him but in the end a day will come where you will not think of him once and a time will come when you will be glad you didn't stay with him.

Try to have good thoughts about your little girl that way you can keep a bit positive, prepare for her coming and when she is here, she will keep you busy but also go and seek the society of other people. Try some toddler groups, ask for help when you need it, don't cut yourself off from people around you. Could you start by telling your midwife how things are going so she knows what you are going through. Maybe she could point you towards an organisation which would help in some concrete way.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Ignoring the mum / mum confusion...

I think that you need to remember what an arse this man is, leaving you and your unborn child to fend for yourselves at such a time. You are indeed lucky to be without h in the grander scheme of things.

On a practical level, look for groups online and in rl, maybe at your sure start centre? Talking to others in similar situations really helps

[Loislulabell1]

Ever since i joined mums net i have added a post for my foster sister who was in full time employment and with her partner since she was 13 and i called my foster mum "mum" and now have been told i am basically lying about my situation?? Anyway....thanks for all of your posts I do not have a clue how this will end up i dont think my ex boyfriend is going to take it very well but i will try. As for my mum she has been very sketchy of the whole situation ever since i announced my pregnancy which i do understand as i am so young.

Thanks everyone I am going to take your advise and stay well clear as most of you said i wouldnt want a man to treat my daughter this way!

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

Firstly, congratulstions on your pregnancy and how wonderful you are having a girl

Secondly, forget your ex, you don't need someone wtih that attitude in your life for either you or your daughter. Keep reminding yourself of that whenver you think about him. Once your baby is born you wont even have time to think of someone as useless as him though, your baby will be all that matters to you.

You will meet other mums as you start to go to antenatal calsses etc. and there will be a good team of midwives to support you through the pregnancy and birth. They can also help you find other mums to talk to.

It will be hard to do this on your own especially as you are only young but you will manage, you will be strong because you are going to be a mum and you will be able to do anything for your little baby girl.

Good luck, you will be fine x

[mammadiggingdeep]

Slightly off the topic of your ex but wanted to say congratulations on your bump being a pink one :) your ignorant ex might not have liked the gender of your beautiful, growing baby but I promise you GIRLS ARE so much fun :) (biased as mummy to 2 dd). Our house is full if pink, glittery, sparkly girly things :)
Don't let an ignorant fuck wit rob you of any of the excitement of this wonderful experience. I hope you get support to help you enjoy mummyhood. Good luck op xx

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Wasn't accusing you of lying but your story was inconsistent in an important way i.e If you are all alone in the world the advice is different to if you have someone in the role of 'mum' or other family that you can turn to. FWIW I think the 'girl' thing is an excuse on your ex boyfriend's part. If someone's looking for a way out, they'll use any excuse.

[ZZZenagain]

how are you today?

[ToTheTeeth]

Our house is full if pink, glittery, sparkly girly things

Really? Really!

Well I suppose maybe the OP did want distracting from her actual problems.

[mammadiggingdeep]

To the teeth....I was in no way saying that to help solve her serious problems. I felt really sad that a very young girl was upset that a total fuck wit had walked out on her during pregnancy and if you read my post and focus on the other parts I said dint let him rob you of this exciting, precious time.
So do jog on with your copying and pasting.
Just saying.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Couldn't see any posts from you to the teeth- either helpful or otherwise....apart from picking up on mine.
Nice one

[SunshineSuperNova]

Hello OP

I didn't want to add to your stress by questioning your situation. Please accept my apologies.

I'm really sorry that your foster mum isn't able to offer the support you need. I agree with others above about ways of getting support. Mumsnet is a great way of meeting people and getting support too.

Big hugs. Best of luck to you and your baby-girl-to-be, I wish you both every happiness.

[Loislulabell1]

Thank you everyone! I really did not expect to end up on my own i really did want to wait to have children but things happen!!

[SunshineSuperNova]

Lois my closest friend (who's a bit older) has a lovely daughter who was unexpected. She's a wonderful child :) I don't have children so can't offer any practical advice as such, just a virtual hand to hold. x

[duchesse]

OP, your bf is an arse. You will be better off without him, for sure. I am sorry you having to go this alone, but tbh it sounds a lot better than staying with him.

You can cope, in fact you may be freer to do what you wanted than if you'd still been with him. For instance, if you want to go to university, you can- you could go anywhere in the country, they all have creches these days. You will "just" be doing with a small thing in tow. But you can do it!

Whatever you do and wherever you go, be sure to construct a "family"- friends who will be there for you no matter what- a support network. People who will look after the baby or drop food round if everything becomes too much at times.

Good luck! You can do this.