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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

35, single and wants kids - success stories please!

44 replies

Messagingforafriend · 23/09/2013 15:44

I have a very good friend in this situation.

She is clever, successful, good looking, generally loads going for her. She's just broken up with her DP of 15 years. She wants a family, and is very upset that she feels it might not happen. If you met your DP and had kids with him post-35 please tell us to cheer her up! Many thanks.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/09/2013 15:49

I had a baby at 35 but didn't acquire a 'D' anything in the process. Best of both worlds :)

ButterMyArse · 23/09/2013 15:56

A close friend of mine split from her DP at 38, married a new (lovely) man at 39, and at 40 has just had her first baby. They are deliriously happy.

Original poster

Messagingforafriend · 23/09/2013 16:00

Thank you both. Cog this sounds very much best of both worlds for me, but DF is quite traditional and very keen to meet partner (male) and marry too.

OP posts:

UnexpectedStepmum · 23/09/2013 16:16

I met my DH when I was 35 and had two DDs when I was 38 and 41 respectively. I could have done it sooner but wanted the right person to do it with. 35 is certainly not too late for your friend, but she may need a plan for meeting someone -dating websites? My friend is in a similar situation aged 40 and being positive, she told me she is now looking at the divorced dads section of the market! (DH was in this category so I approve).

HaroldLloyd · 23/09/2013 16:19

Just had one at 38. Two friends one 39 and one 40.

To cheer her up wasn't there some new research on the bbc website lately saying that dwindling fertility in 30s is overstated and based on 1700s France?

If it makes her feel better a friend had a check up at a clinic who told her she was in great reproductive nick (at 38)

stowsettler · 23/09/2013 16:28

Had DD 7 months ago, 6 weeks shy of my 40th birthday. DP and I had been together nearly 4 years by the time she arrived. We don't want to marry - but we had plenty of time to do so.

We weren't TTC or anything - one stomach bug and I was up the stick. So she has time yet.

ClementineKelandra · 23/09/2013 16:32

If 38 and single although I do have children from previous relationship.

If I didn't have dc I would seriously go and have ivf with donor sperm.

My aunt is 49, single and childless, and bitterly regrets not having children.

iwantanafternoonnap · 23/09/2013 19:45

I met my ex and had a lovely DS at 37. Ex walked out on me but I am very, very happy and this is coming form someone who never wanted kids!

I have a couple of friends who are in process of IVF/donor route and one work colleague who has a lovely daughter form IVF/Donor route. I would tell your friend to so it without a man as there is no guarantee they stick around anyway.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 23/09/2013 20:00

I have a friend in this situation - who is also 35 and close to splitting with partner of 14 years. I will keep this to show her too

kittymchotpress · 23/09/2013 20:05

I met my partner at 36 and didn't really think about kids till I was 40, but was lucky enough to have my DD two weeks before my 42nd birthday...have since split with p but have no regrets, even though it has been tough at times. Good luck to your pal, you really don't know what's round the corner.

FrauMoose · 23/09/2013 20:11

I met my partner when I was 35. Quite quickly I became a stepmother to his two children. We had my daughter just over two years after we first met. (My daughter is now 16.)

Often when slightly more mature couples get together at least one person will have had children from an earlier committed relationship.

(So if your script is for some Hollywood type perfect romance followed by marriage and then followed by children, this is perhaps a little less easily achieved for a woman in her mid-thirties. However I do feel that my stepchildren are great siblings to my daughter, and that being a stepmother first meant that I was a lot more clued up when I had a baby myself.)

SquidgyMummy · 23/09/2013 20:11

I met DP at 37, and had DS a month after i turned 40.

A friend met her (then) partner aged 38 in Brazil, got pregnant with her DD1 gave birth aged 40; said partner came over, she got pregnant again with DD2 born when she was 41.

Another friend married at 37 (met her DH on internet) her DS born at 39.
She is now 40 & pregnant with DC2 (ivf, 1st attempt)

there are loads of first time older mums

lolawasashowgirl · 23/09/2013 20:15

I met my current partner when I was thirty five - I'm now forty three. We are still together and I conceived naturally (and easily!) when I was forty one and had a beautiful little boy when I was forty two. I hope this helps your friend; anything is still possible for her!

PoshCat · 23/09/2013 20:18

Met my partner aged 36. Became a mum for the first time at 37. Second baby born 2 weeks before my 40th birthday.
Fell pregnant first month of trying and 3rd month with second DC
There's plenty of time.

stubbornstains · 23/09/2013 20:19

35th birthday- all night party, completely off my face, naked and ranting in a hot tub about how much I wanted a baybee...

36th birthday: naice civilised lunch with a couple of friends- and 6 week old DS .

Note the absence of a DP in this story though...

kittymchotpress · 23/09/2013 20:22

love it stubborn that's just fab!

MyChildhoodInACottage · 23/09/2013 20:52

My DCs are IVF with donor sperm as well. Never been happier :)

lurkinglorna · 23/09/2013 21:04

Of course true love can be found at any age.

"slight" warning:

if your DF REALLY wants a baby, might be best to consider going solo/fostering/adoption rather than settling for someone as a DP just to get pregnant?

Of course she can and might meet someone amazing and have a beautiful romance (which I hope she does and I have seen happen IRL as well as on this thread - I date in this age range and there are some cool guys on the market)

But I think she needs to make sure she doesn't fall into the trap of deluding herself that she "wants" some guy she doesn't just as a means to an end, or to complete some image of the perfect family set-up? Not fair on anyone.

There's lots of "nicish professional types" who I'd probably consider "good material" for getting sprogged up by but as for actually thinking of them in terms of "male life partner material"......

Xenadog · 23/09/2013 21:14

I met DP when I was 38 and a half and now I am 40 and a half and pregnant with my first! It does happen

alabasterangel · 23/09/2013 22:31

Was 35, had just come out of a marriage with someone who turned out to be a serial adulterer. We'd tried for 10 years for a baby, had iui, ivf, nothing worked (I'm grateful for this now,having had my eyes opened to what a slimeball he really was).

Was sworn off men. Didn't want to know and had reluctantly resigned myself to thinking that given my lack of fertility and lack of relationship I was destined not to be a mum.

When very least expecting it I met someone at work. His marriage had broken down due to the stress of infertility. We just chilled, enjoyed being a couple, thinking children would never ever happen. I was pregnant before I could blink. 12 months after meeting we had our DD (i was 37 by then) and married a year after that, and about 40 weeks and 5 minutes after getting married DS arrived too.

Yougotbale · 23/09/2013 22:37

OP, I'd get your mate to go a little bit Buddhist on this one. There aren't any guarantees of her having her own child for all sorts of reasons. She might have to live the rest of her life without one. Stories like this will give her hope but may increase any possible pain of not having her own child.

However, there is always adoption

SquidgyMummy · 24/09/2013 07:30

alabasterangel fab story.

yougotbale I agree with the going with the low for the OP's friend. However she is not knowingly infertile.
What i would say is when you meet your OH later in life, be prepared for accepting their life history. My DP came with his 2 DC's (who are fab towards our DS). you will never meet someone who has the lack of bagggage (for want of a better word) they have in their 20's.

Lots of women (late 30's bio clock ticking) waste time looking for the "perfect man" when perfect for them may be right under their nose

Also forgot another friend, aged 30 met her husband through work networking, she was pregnant (naturally) with twins when she married aged 40.

SquidgyMummy · 24/09/2013 07:30

*flow

SquidgyMummy · 24/09/2013 07:31

friend was 38, not 30

nkf · 24/09/2013 07:41

Stubbornstains, great summary. Please, what's the.long version?

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