35, single and wants kids - success stories please!

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I have a very good friend in this situation.

She is clever, successful, good looking, generally loads going for her. She's just broken up with her DP of 15 years. She wants a family, and is very upset that she feels it might not happen. If you met your DP and had kids with him post-35 please tell us to cheer her up! Many thanks.

Met DP internet dating at 36, now 38 and expecting my first in a month. BUT I was in a good place to meet a DP (had split up from shitty ex years, not months, before) and it hasn't been plain sailing fertility-wise. I'd recommend her to look into alternative routes like donors, just in case. My back-up plan was that if I hadn't met Mr Right within 2 years I'd go solo.

My friend was 33 and hadn't much luck with longer term relationships.

She then met someone through match.com - was engaged on her 34th birthday, married on her 35th and gave birth to her first child 10 days ago!

Well I too had completely given up on men and children. I met my Fiancée when completely p£ssed at a beer festival at the age of 39. We knew within a couple of months that it was something very different. He proposed the following year and we sat down and had the "kids" chat.
The difference with this relationship for me was that I knew I wanted to be with him regardless of whether or not he wanted to have children. Fortunately he was as keen as I was! We started trying straightaway and I fell pregnant first cycle (I consider myself very lucky). I'm now 18 weeks with my first and we get married next August.

I knew someone of 45 who had four kids under 5. She said they met in their late thirties so decided " they'd better crack on with it". I had my youngest three at 36, 38 and 40.

Three of my closest friends all met and sprogged well after 35. One had her first baby at 45, one was 42, one 44.

Friend 1 met her h at 39, married at 40, child at 45
Friend 2 met her dh at 43, child at 47
Friend 3 met her dh at 33, children at 38 and 41

However, I would say that like LadyFlower the focus for all of them was finding someone with whom they felt settled and happy, and that they all regarded the kids as a bonus.

I have had two other friends like yours, who desparately wanted children and that finding a man seemed like a means to an end, rather than the other way round. Interestingly they have both found men, but neither have had kids.

I'm 37, would love to have children (and get married) but it's not looking likely... these are good stories but there's a lot to worry about - in my area you can't get IVF for free past the age of 37 for a start!

Suggest she freezes her eggs, that way she can relax and take her time to find the right man.

Frozen eggs do not guarantee a pregnancy though. A lot of them perish in the thaw process.

Hi all. OP here.
Thank you all so much for your replies. Excellent stories, and some brilliant advice too. I will definitely be bringing my friend here. You are all such lovely people - thank you

I'd add that virtually none of my friends had their first baby before 35 (including me) and many went on to have 2,3,4 children without any problem. As someone else said the gloom statistics about fertility are exaggerated, and fertility clinics use them to their advantage to scare women. Good luck to your friend.

Was single at 34. Met a lovely man - told him I had marriage and babies on my mind and if he didn't see that future then we'd split and no hard feelings. Had my second at 38.

Only the arseholes are "scared" by talk of commitment, babies & marriage. The kind of man you want to have babies knows that this is part of the game!

I didn't meet my now DP til a week before my 35th birthday after a disastrous three-year relationship ended

We have been together nearly a year and are ttc now :o

I was planning to go solo until he came along very unexpectedly had sworn off men for life

While it is possible to adopt when you are single, it isn't easy - and you are highly unlikely to get a young child. That was what put me off. I had ICSI using donated sperm. Egg freezing was mentioned as a possibility to me but it does not have a high success rate.

Well I had my dc over 35 and met my dh at over 35. I have been to see a gyny recently to see if I am heading for the menopause etc.. And she tested me and nope, years to go- but its worth the test for your friend, as then she could look at going it alone if time is short, which she won't know if she hasn't been tested.

I would advise she dates and discusses very early on what she wants in a relationship, marriage and babies etc. some men want the same, so its not something to assume and let a man control - get it out there:)

My SIL married at 39 and had DN about three weeks before her 40th birthday.

I would def suggest she has fertility test to help her understand her situation.
My story divorced at 31, dumped 1st proper bf since exh at 35, me current dh 2 months after. Fertility tests at 36 when panicking and considering egg freezing as wasn't convinced DP would stick around - he turned out to be a keeper. Told low ovarian reserve 1% chance at 37 wouldn't even offer me ivf told only a 'scoundrel would take my money' - to go for donor egg.
Tried naturally supplements and lifestyle changes - had 2 mc but finally 3 months before my 40th found out I was pregnant. Gave birth to ds at 40
I had years of misery - worrying. I should have had tests earlier - I have to resolve myself to an only child. But I am vvvvvv lucky to have him. That test saved my chance of having a child as actually t was telling DP about the result that galvanised him into action and ttc.

Was with ex from 23 - 30yrs old, had everything to show (big house, flash car etc) but no sign of any babies. Was having no joy and he didn't seem that bothered.

We split. Was single for 6 years (had a lot of fun but was getting v desperate thinking I would left on the shelf!)

Decided to take up a new hobby (cliche but it worked) and met my now husband at nearly 37. Now 39 with an 11month old and another one on the way. Deliriously happy. Will be 40 when no 2 is born.

Might add, we've had no problems getting pg, so after years of thinking it was my fertility that was all doom and gloom, clearly it wasn't! It was just a bad 'match' with my ex I guess!

Oh and also, just to add, when I had DD, I was the one who kept saying to doctors/midwives etc, "i'm an old mum' - they were all No you're not! Seriously, they don't bat an eyelid. Being a mum late 30's plus is pretty normal now.

My friend, 37, met her now-husband just before Christmas and is expecting her first next month