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Original poster

I need inspirational stories from happy divorced ladies please!

59 replies

orsomethinglikethat · 20/02/2013 11:20

So it looks like its all over after 10 years and 2 dcs. We are still living together while we save some money for one of us to move out which is not much fun. I'm a sahm with not many qualifications and youngest dc is still a baby so it looks like I will be on benefits to begin with. Not exactly what I had planned but I'm trying to look on the bright side, I will be free and in control of my own life! Anyone been through this and come out the other side?

OP posts:
LittleEdie · 20/02/2013 11:25

I've recently separated, and can tell you I'm so much happier. Don't know what I'm going to do for money, but the freedom from stress is brilliant. All the pain and difficulty was in the run up to the decision, since I've left it's been great.

We only had one week of 'limbo' whilst we waited for my flat to be ready and it was really hard, it gets easier once you go. In my opinion.

Original poster
orsomethinglikethat · 20/02/2013 11:57

Thanks LittleEdie, that's good to know. It doesn't seem real atm and I don't think he really believes its over while we're all still living together. We are seriously skint atm as he is so irresponsible with money (one of the many reasons I've had enough) so it will definitely go on for longer than a week Sad

OP posts:
LittleEdie · 20/02/2013 12:22

No, my DH was in denial (probably still is) however getting the keys and standing in the back garden of my new flat on a sunny December day, overlooking the river, with a lone gull wheeling in the blue sky was one of the best moments of my life. New Year's Eve (alone) was brilliant. We were married 10 years with one DC, and I when I got to the point of realising that things were not going to change, that's when I knew I had to go (makes it sound easy!)

postmanpatscat · 20/02/2013 13:16

I'm happy :)

Exh is still an arse, but now I don't have to sleep with headphones on because we reached the point where even his breathing annoyed me!

I met someone new at 42, so I'm even happier now, but leaving exh was the best decision I'd made in a long time.

Dahlen · 20/02/2013 13:29

I'm happy. Left with two small children in tow. No social life at all for the first 18 months, but never once regretted my decision and instantly felt freer and happier than I had for a very long time indeed.

I am very happy. I've worked hard to fill my life with work, activities and friends and, of course, my beautiful DC. I love being single. So much so, in fact, that I actually really struggled when I accidentally met the most wonderful man who I connected with to an amazing degree, as I really didn't want to give up being single. I've got over that now, but if it didn't work out for whatever reason, i know I could happily go back to being single and love every minute of it.

Always better to be on your own than with someone who makes you unhappy.

MirandaWest · 20/02/2013 13:33

I separated two years ago after nearly 11 years of marriage. Is much better. DC actually see more of XH than they used to and I am much happier than I was for the last few years of my marriage. Also met someone v nice last year and that is good too.
It isn't always plain sailing but overall is much better than feeling stuck in a relationship that had stopped.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 20/02/2013 13:36

I am divorced and I am very happy. The happiness is a direct result of the divorce

Like all transitions into the unknown, it was tough and scary at times. But it was so the right thing to do. It's my proudest achievement, in fact.

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 20/02/2013 13:58

Split two years ago. Divorced as ok January. We were together 13 years, 3 dcs, and no family around. I was working full time in a relatively low paid job.

But life was so much easier after I left. I have never regretted it for one moment.

I now have a new life, a new lovely dp, the dcs are happy and settled and I am happier than I have ever been.

XH told me I was intrinsically fucked up and would never be happy. Dp tells me I'm wonderful and loving, and we care about each other.

Life is good.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/02/2013 17:59

Whenever I'm asked for my marital status and I reply "divorced", I get one of two reactions. One (often from men, I've noticed) is "I'm sorry", to which I reply "Hey, don't be sorry, I worked hard for that divorce". They laugh, but often look a little uncomfortable. The other (more often from women around my own age) is "it's good, isn't it?"

As the saying goes, it is infinitely better to be alone than to walk badly accompanied.

meddie · 20/02/2013 18:06

Divorced after 4 years, 2 kids under 4 and financially screwed by ex who skipped the country and left me to deal with all the debts he had run up. After bills etc had £50 a week to live on for food, clothes, petrol, everything else.
Never for one moment considered I was better off with him than without him. best bloody thing I did.
I was happier, kids were happier. Since then I have been promoted, debts are paid off. kids are grown and I got my own house, travel and do charity work yearly and I love being single.
There were stages where it was soul crushingly hard (financially) , but they pass and it was so worth it in the end for my own happiness and sanity.

raspberyfool · 20/02/2013 18:45

Recently divorced xh walked out 9 months ago for turns out ow . Realised im now happier than i have been in years. The girls are happy , i have money at the end of the month, i don't fear phone calls from bills not being paid , I've found my friends again, I've lost weight,I've started re training in my dream job, i don't get woken up by snoring oh the list just goes on and on. I thought i was happily married but i actually wasn't. Now im happily divorced Grin

MisForMumNotMaid · 20/02/2013 18:52

I divorced just over five years ago after 13 years together, 11 married. On the day he left, completely out the blue, the DC were 1 and 3. I had just won a business start up award and secured two years funding for 'our' business. So he left for another women, crippled the financial stability I'd just created for us all and didn't have a job to offer support to us.

Five years on i'm happily remarried the boys are now 9 and 7 and have a 2 year old sister. I didn't realise how trapped i'd become.

CallSignCharlie · 20/02/2013 18:59

Haven't really got anything to add as I'm in a similar position to you op. except that my h is in total denial about everything and I'm facing the prospect of being the one to leave, (sorry for hijack) best of luck with everything and I hope you come out the other side stronger and happier
it's great to hear inspirational stories from those who have been there and done that . I will continue reading this thread with interest (and admiration and hope)

SobaSoma · 20/02/2013 19:13

Another very happy divorced lady here OP. Like HotDAMN says, my divorce is my proudest achievement yet! ExH is in fact going through the break-up of his subsequent relationship at the moment and I feel genuinely sorry for him. I can tell he's really envious of me and tells people that he's never seen me more contented. There's a blindingly bright light at the end of the tunnel.....

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 20/02/2013 19:27

I'm so happily divorced. We split up almost two years ago, just before DD's 1st birthday and after 10 years together. The divorce process wasn't particularly happy and XH has been a serious arse at various times over the last two years and I think denial could well have been a factor for him. However, we now seem to be at a place where we're both happy with our lives and so we can be nice to each other which is a huge relief.

The main reason for my happiness is that I finally know who I am and I've realised that I actually quite like myself which is something I never had when I was with him. I get to make my own decisions about how I run mine and DD's lives and the freedom that comes with that is just wonderful. Yes, it's bloody hard work being a LP but right now I'd find it hard to share my life totally with another man.

Good luck OP. I really hope it doesn't drag on too long for you.

LemonDrizzled · 20/02/2013 19:47

I'm nearly there - about two weeks till the decree absolute comes through.
I was married 24 years and my DC are grown up now.
Life with XH was pressured, miserable and tense for the last two years. He became quite abusive at the end. Life on my own is laid back cheerful and busy. I have a lovely DP who lives 10 miles away (and no plans to live with him yet!)
I love my Little House and my life.
You won't regret it OP. Just take it a step at a time and look after yourself!

goodenuffmum · 20/02/2013 20:13

I'm marking my place here...

'D'h finally leaving this week after devastating me in October by telling me that he no longer loved me.

All these weeks later and I'm the one who has had to say that enough was enough and he needs to leave.

I am scared of being alone (after 15 yrs) and excited at getting rid of the horrible tension that's been in the house since he made that announcement.

So please, all you mnetters, fill us newbies with all the positive stories post seperation and beyond!

Tell you what orsomethinglikethat why don't we hold hands and jump into the unknown together? Grin

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 20/02/2013 20:16

The main reason for my happiness is that I finally know who I am and I've realised that I actually quite like myself which is something I never had when I was with him.

^This.

kinkyfuckery · 20/02/2013 20:23

I have been separated over 4 years, divorced almost 2.

On paper, my life should be pretty shit. I'm very much single (though through choice), reliant on benefits, have major neighbour and housing problems, one of my children has recently been given a mental health diagnosis, and I have concerns about the other. I have had to put all my life plans on hold to care for my children - though hopefully just temporarily.

But.... honestly... I'm the happiest I've been, because I don't have to answer to HIM! It's taken me four years - and whilst I still have a good bitch about his behaviour on the phone to my bestie - I'm finally managing to detach from him, and not let what he says and does affect MY life! Obviously, when it effects the children, I turn into Mama Bear, but for the most part, I feel very meh, whatever, about him!

smileyforest · 20/02/2013 20:46

Divorced on Jan 28th....separated for 2 years.....Ok financially it is tough...but I would rather be where I am now....so much freedom to be myself and not living in an atmosphere is pure bliss.....new man...no intentions to move in together yet...he is remarrying...poor woman.......!! Yes I'm HAPPY at 52!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sarahseashell · 20/02/2013 21:26

yes far happier - I was in pretty much same position as you OP - it was hard for first couple of years but now I've never been happier - loving my freedom, built myself back up to better, have a lovely family life with dcs and a little social life of my own too. Now and again I get that sense of slight surprise at how great life is! I'd never have thought it a few years ago so hang in there it really does get better and better Smile I just never realised how draining my exh was - ball & chain when I look back on it Wink

Original poster
orsomethinglikethat · 20/02/2013 22:16

Thank you all so much, this thread is so encouraging! I haven't told anyone in rl yet so its good to be able to talk on here.

goodenuffmum thanks for the handhold, its very much appreciated. I would like to offer the other hand to CallSignCharlie , lets all leap into our fab single adventure together Grin

OP posts:
LittleEdie · 20/02/2013 23:40

It feels like a really, really big deal to tell people in RL. But I was pleasantly suprised by how well people took it. People were overwhelmingly supportive.

Original poster
orsomethinglikethat · 20/02/2013 23:59

I know, it just makes it all real when everyone knows! Sorry to dripfeed but things have been very on/off between us for the last year or so and I think friends and family are sick of hearing about it (can't say I blame them - I'm sick of it too).

Tonight he's been begging for another chance and it was quite nice to think for a while that it could all be ok but I've heard it all before and nothing ever changes.

OP posts:
LittleEdie · 21/02/2013 00:38

Moving out meant a massive sense of relief at not having to listen to/deal with his protestations that he can change, it'll all be amazing if I stay etc etc etc.

When you read on here about horrible men able to persuade right thinking women of the impossible, you think 'Don't fall for it!'. But when it's coming at you in a unique way from someone you once loved it can feel wonderful to imagine that their castles in the sky could be true. But there comes a point when you've heard it once too often.