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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

Practicalities

65 replies

Mosman · 12/02/2013 06:56

So it would seem my husband has tripped over and landed dick first in somebody else's vagina.
Being the practical type usually but currently curled up in a ball, what are the practicalities of these situations please ?
THank you

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pictish · 15/02/2013 12:09

It's not that surprising. There's plenty of people that will skim over his behaviour. He's a red blooded man after all. He knows he's make a mistake. He loves you really and the kids are his world. Etc etc.
Anything to support the illusion of a naughty boy who needs a slap on the wrist, rather than the reality of him being a self indulgent liar, whose core values are abhorrent.

Well...it's not much I'll grant you OP, but I'm on team you. There's no excusing him.

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Mosman · 15/02/2013 12:10

Thank you that means a lot
I know it's early in the UK but i'm half way through a bottle of wine

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pictish · 15/02/2013 12:23

You go for your life.
You've got a lot to think about. x

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HotDAMNlifeisgood · 15/02/2013 12:37

Amazing how many people are on team him though

On team him, really? Or just the somewhat spineless variety of people who "don't want to take sides", or say things like "Well, you never know what really goes on in behind closed doors" or "To each their own"... Anything, really, to avoid having to deal with the real mess of human emotions. Anything for a quiet life. The kind of people who would really rather than you didn't upset the apple cart.

Let them. Their behaviour is no reflection on you. You are entitled to deal with a selfish lying cheat with whatever degree of firmness you choose.

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Mosman · 15/02/2013 12:52

Yeah really, telling HIM if he needs to talk they are there despite me asking me asking can I talk to them to ask around dates, times.
You see the thing is the time frames bother me, we were trying and conceived our 4th child just a few months after this happened.
So what i want to know is whilst i was injecting my stomach full of drugs to make our baby happen was he booking into hotel rooms and banging the tart ?

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Mosman · 16/02/2013 19:46

More drip feeding, apparently number 4 he did three times, of course this only was confessed to when he thought I was about to call her.
He got quite angry tonight when i told him my brother wants to kill him, apparently if that's my attitude then we'll just sort out the kids and that's that.

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Happygoluckylady · 16/02/2013 21:21

Very rough on you. Hope you manage to sort things out.

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pictish · 16/02/2013 21:26

OP he is like that about your brother's anger, because he doesn't fundamentally think he has done anything wrong.

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Mosman · 16/02/2013 22:46

I know - nobody's perfect apparently lol

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pictish · 16/02/2013 23:17

Oh..lol..lol.
What's he like eh?
Just get over it for fuck's sake. Nobody's perfect!

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Mosman · 08/04/2013 09:50

Just reread this to focus my mind. I've tried coffees with him, heart to hearts, it's not getting any easier/better so I feel it's time to cut my loses and to hell with the consequences.
I'm I missing something really important.
The long story short is 2004 web caming, loads of emails and then a coffee meeting with her in Manchester.
Followed by a online affair which lead to him driving from Manchester to Brighton to fuck T in a hotel, he did this again but spent 2 nights with her and a day walking hand in hand on the beach.
The final one being an affair over 9 months including her in a hotel on my actual birthday.
Having emigrated to Australia he went ahead of me and the kids to try and find work and utilised his time by joining ok Cupid and meeting a girl for a couple of drinks in Sydney.
I'm writing this all out so my resolve doesn't waver. Nobody in their right mind would give him another chance would they ?

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Hopasholic · 08/04/2013 10:10

No hon they really wouldn't. Shagging her on your birthday sounds like he was really sticking two fingers up at you. Seeking out his next shag while all the while you were preparing to move to the other side of he world? Cut your losses? What losses? He's a poor excuse of a man and you sound lovely. He does not deserve you. You deserve much much better.

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Mosman · 08/04/2013 12:24

He says there's a good husband and a bad single side of him and in the past the bad guy has been over riding the good husband and that he can change.
I've asked him to move out no matter what the cost.

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akaWisey · 08/04/2013 14:26

No they wouldn't. Don't lose your resolve now Mosman, he's spinning this line because he senses he's royally fucked up.

Sorry, this 'jekyll/hyde' fantasy explanation just doesn't cut it. You could just as easy posit the 'cake-and-eat-it' rationale for his sleazy behaviour.

Stay strong and keep coming here.

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Hopasholic · 08/04/2013 20:34

He won't change.

He's made his own choices, what a load of bollocks re good & bad side of him. He's trying to mess with your head, don't let him hon.