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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What would you say to the OW if you could?

63 replies

duffybeatmetoit · 08/02/2013 22:00

Obviously you wouldn't because you're being the bigger person/have moved on etc but you can tell the rest of us without being judged

I'd tell her: Well Stbxh clearly likes you because when he was having his last affair he carried on sleeping with me but he stopped sleeping with me when he met you"

Anyone else?

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 09/02/2013 00:41

Allalone is that for what I said or to chill me the fuck out? :o

6. When his tongue is down your throat do you ever think about where else that's been? This is my absolute favourite and I sooooo wish that I had thought of it! I still have her number.......should I?! :o

Bogeyface · 09/02/2013 00:43

Skye I think you should send her a medal as she clearly took a bullet for you!

Damash12 · 09/02/2013 02:06

"If you marry a man that cheats on his wife you'll be married to a man that cheats on his wife"
Karma I'd say ...enjoy!

Dryjuice25 · 09/02/2013 02:21

Everytime you suck him off what you will taste is my pussy, remember this always

This is what a friend said to ow but she was so bitter about the whole thing

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/02/2013 03:24

'Rather you than me.' There were no DC involved and I was well rid.

KirstyWirsty · 09/02/2013 07:11

If say 'thanks .. You did me a favour'

jaffacake2 · 09/02/2013 07:29

As she was 25yrs his junior I would say to her
Have a wonderful time when he is 80 and you are 55. I am sure the sex will be terrific and fulfilling at that age. Unfortunately there is a strong history of heart disease and strokes in his family but I am sure with your loving nature you will look after him when he is incontinent and incoherent.
Or I might just say
Die a horrible death you bitch for taking the man I loved and leaving me with 2 small kids to bring up alone.

Shybairns · 09/02/2013 07:46

"Just be very careful not to put on a single pound or ever leave any dishes by the sink or a messy coffee table. Twat is the most superficial shallow bastard you'll ever meet. So hope you can live up to his expectations.
Good luck."

marriednotdead · 09/02/2013 08:05

You may have married him and gone on to have more of his DCs but I can tell that he's still the arse he always was and that you'll never trust him.

For me, that's enough.

lolaflores · 09/02/2013 08:08

dear OW

Perhaps I may only get the true story of your appearance in our lives. Somehow for 18 years I have gone on guess work and the bleedin obvious. However, you are now the proud wife of a complete loser. You drag him round the world in your job with the German Embassy, like excess luggage, plonking him down every two years in a random city.

He may seem like the compliant lap dog, but that is because you are handing his life to him on a plate. If you cast your mind back, he felt totally unfazed at walking out on partner and two year old child. Then he simply vanished for 9 years, no money, no contact no fucking nothing. Oh then out of the veil of silence he appears.....cheers for that. You didn't really do us a favour, we would have been fine. He has simply gone on with his lack of responsibility, though DD realises that now aged 19.

As other have said, you did me a massive favour. He was a weight that needed to go and without him I have flourished. Met my wonderful husband, done things I know I couldn't have with him. If we had stayed together, I would have remained on the bottom of everything, always.

Stay happy....really...do
X
L

Jemma1111 · 09/02/2013 08:44

He's your nightmare now !

From my point of view though there is usually no need to confront the OW with scowling words because, in my situation anyway, the OW always has me lurking in the back of her mind .

She hates the fact that I was 'there first' and she is consumed with jealousy that I have his children .
I know all this by her actions towards myself and my dcs over the years .

In short , I don't have to say anything to her as she drives herself mad because of my very existence !. And she has to live with someone who she knows is a cheating bastard .

That's enough for me !

Shybairns · 09/02/2013 09:11

Good for you Jemma1111. I like that.

raspberyfool · 09/02/2013 09:26

Do you realise that my xh still tries to come round my house. He tells me all about you and that you have had a much harder life than me and that i should feel sorry for you.
Well no i will not feel sorry for a woman who got with a man who had a 4 year old and a 5 month old. Who when he walked blamed it on me and said he was suicidal. Yet was shagging you.
Do you know that when you were having that abortion he was on the phone to me trying to get sympathy.

He says he's changed and is a good man. Don't send him back to me when he physically and mentally abuses you and blames it on you.
Enjoy all the presents he buys you whilst knowing that he buys the children nothing as he's broke.
enjoy it when has the shits and has to wear a nappy so not to mess himself.

But most of all thank you im free

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2013 09:27

It's a long, long time ago since my exH rushed back into the arms of his first love but I would say.....

"How are you, you poor old thing? You must be quite knackered living with Mr Miserable Git. Does he still get stuck into a bottle of scotch every night and give you that wobbly-headed, glassy-eyed look as he breaths alcohol fumes in your face and paws you for sex? Ah.... Bless... And how are you getting on with those 'poor me' rants of his where the whole world is against him? Still listening or did you start self-medicating years ago? Must say, you being a vegetarian was rather a nice touch. He was always on the 'streak of piss' side build-wise so probably looks like a cheese string these days. Hope the kids look up to him because god knows, everyone else he met thought he was a joke. Enjoy...."

Lovingfreedom · 09/02/2013 09:31

Sorry....would have warned you but....

Onlyforthisone · 09/02/2013 11:07

I just feel sorry for her now - and ever so slightly distainful but I wrote this at the time just to 'get it out'. It's a song - not a poem - and it has a bouncy rap tune:

It's easy to say,
It's easily said
That it's ok
To have my man in your bed.

He said he wants to have fun
Said he wants to be free
Said his marriage was over
But he didn't tell me!

You made me no vows
They weren't yours to break
But you knew he was married
So why, for fuck's sake

Did you happily shag him?
Can you not see
Good people don't help
Create such misery?

Did you think of his kids
And how much they would hurt
While you were getting your kicks
With a smile and a flirt?

You flattered his ego
And fell for his lies
Believing you're special
So why the surprrise

When you find tht he blanks you
'Cause he's run back to me?
You were just wet and warm
Conveniently.

You were oh-so selfish
Now you've got the blues
Excuse me for laughing
You're just shit on my shoes!

You behaved like a slut
Hurting tthose you don't know
You choose your own actions
So you reap what you sow.

Now he's out on his ear
Scorned by all those he knew
Ashamed of himself
And sickened by you.

Allalonenow · 09/02/2013 11:13

Hi bogeyface
It was a toast to your brio and chutzpah, have another !!

ledkr · 09/02/2013 11:20

Thanks and good luck.
Now you have your own babies can you imagine how we felt?
No I don't talk to you six years later as I have nothing to say sorry.
Next time he head butts you and breaks your nose you can still come to me. Me and my wonderful children will take you on and look after the babies whilst you go to hospital.
We will because we are nice.
You and ex hurt those nice people.

ItWentThatWay · 09/02/2013 11:55

You must be very brave/stupid taking on a proven liar/cheater/abuser. Is it getting hard to live with yet? Is that why you have gained so much weight and look like a hag? Are you scared about reaching 30 next year as that's the age he thinks women are past it?

I know you ripped my DC's hearts out but thank you anyway for the great life we have now. I now have the most wonderful non-abusive/non-lying/non-cheating (non-selfish in bed) partner and all you have is a miserable face and the occasional black eye, congratulations!

Estherbelle · 09/02/2013 11:56

Dear X: Imagine you met the love of your life, moved in together, hoped to share the rest of your life with that person. How would you feel if, two years down the line, some girl whom he had a meaningless dalliance with aeons ago, the type of girl who sends pictures of her scrawny arse to men via the internet - was STILL texting him wanting to meet up??! Then, when he politely explains it's for the best that contact is severed, she has the gall and disrespect to try and label you as "controlling"?! I'm sorry if you are so lonely that you feel the need to pester my partner when there are 3 billion other men in the world. Perhaps one day you will find your soul mate too. Maybe then you might understand that the meaning of boundaries.

newyearletsgoforit · 09/02/2013 19:40

I'm so sorry I almost ran you over, it's just that you jumped out in front of my car whilst I was driving away from DH's love nest with you. You were hiding in the shadows because after 3 months he dumped you and was trying to get back with me.

I'm so grateful to you; he was trying to get back with me when you asked me to pull over in the car and tell me that you were having an affair for quite some time and I'd been lied to and that you were now pregnant.

It's just that I didn't know what to do, but then I did.

So thanks for the laughs, I laughed the most when you got back together and he ran off with your next door neighbour and friend.

Big hugs n stuff xxxx

Domjolly · 09/02/2013 20:51

Good luck

Domjolly · 09/02/2013 20:52

Good luck

BesameBesame · 09/02/2013 21:11

My DS says you are pug ugly OW.

AlwaysDreaming · 10/02/2013 00:18

Dear OW , ( or sleazy one night pissed fling )

When i first met you i honestly thought you were a man .

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