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Original poster

Boyfriend seems more into me since meeting my kids. Is this normal?

34 replies

TeaBagFace · 27/09/2012 16:30

A couple of weeks ago, boyfriend met my kids. (12 and 14 years old).

We had a good relationship before this but he could be a bit 'cool' with me sometimes, seemed wary about talking too much about the future and went on about taking things slow.

Well the meeting with the kids went well and he seems so much more into me since. His texts throughout the day have increased, his pet names for me have increased and he keeps sending me messages indicating that he's thinking about me a lot when we're not together. He's now started talking about future plans for the rest of this year, next year and after a few drinks (usually! sometimes when sober) talks about us getting a place together.

Is it normal for a person's feelings to INCREASE once they've seen the whole package so to speak? Obviously I'm very pleased about it but just curious as to why he might have suddenly become more 'into' it? So much so that we were due to go out together as a couple in a few weeks - and he asked me to take the kids along (fair, so appropriate!) and seemed disappointed when I said they were out with their friends. Now it turns out I have to take one of them and he's pleased about it.

The kids think he's great also.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/09/2012 16:33

I've been reading too many lurid Sunday papers to think of any positive, plausible reason for such a change in behaviour. Sorry.

Original poster
TeaBagFace · 27/09/2012 16:36

I trust him 100%, it's nothing sinister.

He also has kids of his own who he sees every week. Similar age to mine.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 27/09/2012 16:38

Maybe he was worried how it would go meeting them so he held back but as it went well he can relax now and think of a future.

Though you need to listen to your instincts on this one. If you are creeped out then you need to think about that!!!

overmydeadbody · 27/09/2012 16:39

Well it just sounds like the relationship is growing actually. Meeting the kids was just part of it, but perhaps he felt that if you were willing to let him meet your kids you obviously liked him, so that boosted his self esteem and allowed him to be more open and honest with how he felt for you.

Not sure why you're even questioning whether it is normal or not? Did you want him to recoil in horror at meeting your kids?

Original poster
TeaBagFace · 27/09/2012 16:39

Definitely not creeped out. He's the least creepiest guy I've ever known Grin

I think it's great, just wondered if others had similar experiences?

OP posts:
Dahlen · 27/09/2012 16:39

What exactly are you concerned about? I think you need to be honest with yourself about this before you draw any conclusions.

Worse case scenario, you're wondering about inappropriate interest in the DC. If that's the case then your instincts are telling you something and you'd be best advised to take that seriously however much it may seem like you are jumping to conclusions.

Another possibility is that what your DP really wants is a family set-up rather than a relationship with you. Some people will find almost anyone to create that with, whereas healthy people are more concerned about the individual and take the package that comes along with them.

Finally, it may simply be the case that he was keeping the brakes on until he'd met your DC because he knew that unless it went well the relationship would be unlikely to work out. Having met them with great success, he now feels able to really express how he feels and wants to move things forward.

Only you know which one of these is most likely. How long have you been together?

LFCisTarkaDahl · 27/09/2012 16:39

Now he's met them and realised they're not a nightmare he can see a future together Smile It's all good.

Lueji · 27/09/2012 16:40

He was probably worried they might be pests, or wasn't sure about your feelings until he met them.
Or he saw how you interacted with them.

I don't think it needs to be sinister.

Sossiges · 27/09/2012 16:40

My face was doing contortions as I read your OP, I'm sorry but it sounds very odd/unlikely to me. I wouldn't have thought it "normal", no.

OhWesternWind · 27/09/2012 16:40

If there's absolutely nothing bad on your radar, I think he was holding back previously in case your kids didn't like him or vice versa, and now it's all gone okay he can start thinking of the future without a big potential obstacle in the way.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 27/09/2012 16:41

If you are feeling any sort of warning bells then I think you should listen to them.

But, at face value, there is nothing wrong with his response. As others have said, maybe he was holding back until he met your kids as he (rightly) assumed that they were your priority so that, if you weren't ready for him to meet them, you were not ready for more serious stuff.

Original poster
TeaBagFace · 27/09/2012 16:42

Not even a speck of doubt on my radar - and I'm the most untrusting person ever. I 100% know it's nothing sinister or inapropriate.

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 27/09/2012 16:43

Op why are you posting if your not worried about anything??Not trying to be horrible just curiousSmile

Lueji · 27/09/2012 16:43

I suppose that if you are in the slightest worried, you can keen an eye on how he behaves with them.

If he encourages meeting them instead of just you, for example, and so on.

brass · 27/09/2012 16:44

maybe he was guarded because he didn't know if he would like your kids or not but having met them feels reassured that they are likeable(!) and that his kids will have things in common and will get along etc

Toscano · 27/09/2012 16:44

I agree with overmydeadbody - it's a major step for you to have let him meet them, so he is perhaps feeling a lot more secure in the relationship. Has he suggested both sets of DCs meet each other? Maybe now he's met yours he can see you all working well as an extended family?

brass · 27/09/2012 16:45

and what youlllaughaboutitoneday said

AnyFucker · 27/09/2012 16:48

If all is so wonderful, why are you posting here ?

Toscano · 27/09/2012 16:48

Plus, it sounds like him being cool and saying he wanted to take things slow was more for your benefit than his (maybe he's scared women off in the past!), if he was happy to meet your DCs.

BertieBotts · 27/09/2012 16:48

I would imagine he felt apprehensive about getting too close in case he didn't get on with your DCs or thought his DCs might not. Blended families are hard at the best of times. Now he's met them he obviously likes them and has relaxed about the prospect of you two getting more serious.

Pagwatch · 27/09/2012 16:49

Please don't be 100% sure. Knowing 100% is really not leaving any room for sensible doubts, reasonable concerns.
My family were 100% sure tha my abuser couldn't be an abuser and so ignored every warning sign - he was just the most fantastic guy.

I am perfectly content it is probably innocent, probably a good thing.
But refusing to even contemplate an alternative explanation is not prudent IMHO.

IfImHonest · 27/09/2012 16:59

People on here are saying sensible things, so please heed them. I'm not saying that your man is definitely someone decent. But you asked for experiences, so here is mine.

I've been seeing my DP for a year now. He met my DC about 6 months in, and he definitely did 'warm' to me more after that; he says that it was just really lovely to see me as a 'Mum' as opposed to just a girlfriend, and to see the interaction with my children, and that our lovely relationship made him fall in love with me a bit more Grin. You've got to remember that some men are a bit traditional and seeing their other half as a great Mum may be appealing to those old-fashioned values.

I really hope your man is a good one, and I hope that you two are very happy.

MadAboutHotChoc · 27/09/2012 17:03

Why are you posting on here then? Hmm

puds11 · 27/09/2012 17:03

You can't be 100% sure, because you don't know. People are very good liars!

susiedaisy · 27/09/2012 17:04

I'm sure everyone is right he has probably sighed a huge sigh of relief now that he has meet the dc and it went well, what I find odd is that a person needs to gain reassurance from others on the Internet, like I said not an attack on the op just find it odd!