Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 8

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Hi Something2say, so sorry you have been through all that, it should never have happened.

What kinds of therapies have you have? I ask because I was in a similar position and have done certain things to try and change how I percieve things, it's a long slog but things are slowly changing.

Chips, as doors start opening it can seem overwhelming, I spent quite a few hours just sitting in random churches. You are allowed to grieve, grieve for what was lost/taken/destroyed. hugs x

Thanks Chips. Sounds like big progress to me, although you might find you've let out a lot of condensed emotion by doing that.

Hi Something. Welcome, sorry you need to be hear and sorry for what you've been through. As regards to your surrogate parents its hard to say if they are being intentionally hurtful. Have you told them it upsets you? if not they could mean well and be trying to offer the sort of jokes and embarrassing stories parents often do to boyfriends. It can be something people do when they are uncomfortable with loving and caring emotions and these people generally have low self esteem themselves. It might just be the way they do things, to laugh and joke about each others faults, but if they came from a stable background their self esteem would be strong enough to take it.

I'm pretty similar with friends so can't offer any useful advice. I think its pretty common for survivors to feel like this and we all get on with each other much easier, but then the self confidence, low self esteem and other such problems get in the way.

I'm not sure that it sounds like they were taking the piss, it feels like it I'm sure of that, people like telling stories, they could have specifically remembered stories which cause you to remember something painful iyswim, your birth mum might have abused you when you accidentally did something then when you accidentally did something again it caused you to remember that and feel the negative emotions.

My mother tries to embarrass me so I know what it feels like but my ds and I like to tell stories.

Hi something I agree with Natural its probably them just remembering but perhaps just have a quiet word with them and tell them it does make you feel this way my parents used to do similar with me it was my speech as a child I had speech therapy and had to emphasise certain letters as I dropped them.
I do it as well with mine like the time DD2 took her sisters pet fish out to cuddle at 2 and killed them and the other time we lost a rabbit kitten and found her in her toy cooker 3 days later she was making rabbit stew . With DD1 its the time she had a broken leg and her cat had tiny kittens and we caught her with them in a storage jar and the time I had to grab her and run when heavily pregnant after making a comment to an old chap.

Thanks all

Welcome Something, I'm so sorry you've been through those experiences. I'm not sure if they were making fun of you, perhaps they were nervous, or trying to make conversation? I can understand why it'd seem that they were. Can you discuss it with them?

Today was hard! I had a bad reaction to the antibiotics i've been on, sudden and ovewhelming suicidal thoughts. It's not a common reaction but it has been noted by people and has happened to me everytime i've taken them.
My gp advisedto stop them immediately, si've just got to hope the 3 days worth cleared my infection.
I've just been out for the evening, back to the area I grew up. I visited 2 old schools, the house i lived in, did the 2 mile walk to the beach and back, visited another beach, drove round the whole area. I'm exhausted, but think it has helped. I had lots of memories come up and found some were happy which is the first time that has happened. They were only little things, like running through the fields and jumping onto hay bales, playing in the playground and the rec, walking the dog, that sort of thing, but it was nice to remember that I was still able to be carefree child at times,even whilst the abuse was going on.
I lived in such a beautiful area, I don'tknow how anyone could do evil whilst surrounded by beautiful countryside and the coast. I felt much free out there and more and more stifled as I drove back into my town, so i want to look into moving further out. I don't feel right in a town
I also bought myself a present today. A huge warm fluffy blanket, something I would never waste my money on normally

That sounds really positive Amitola, I haven't plucked up the courage to go back there in rl yet, I close my eyes and still see/feel/hear the river and the hills.

I'm not happy living in a town either, it feels claustrophobic. I do have several fluffy blankets and couldn't reccommend them enough.

Hope your tonsilitus gets better soon.

Morning all, been desperate to get home for the last week now DH and DS have gone I want to stay so peaceful with just my thoughts for company. On the other plus side is I finally talked with DH about the case yesterday and I also lost it total meltdown he said its about time I got angry and let it all out, I dont know though.

I'd agree with him Dotty, anger can be healthy just don't let it destroy you, express it, let it out, you have every reason to be angry.

hug

I used to be a really hot headed angry person but last few months I've changed not very often angry spoke candidly last night he says I've lost my spark and confidence theres good reasons for doing it and bad reasons as well.

Hugs Dotty

Sorry for moans

Dotty, you're not moaning, better out than in sorry for the cliche

Hope everyone's ok, I'm watching the GBteam at the women's basketball, brilliant.

Got home yesterday spent a couple of hours at my sisters catching up cleared a few worries up with her she doesn't care that its her birthday the week of proposed trial if he pleads not guilty she goes away to tenerife next week thats her celebration

Have you got any abroad holidays planned Dotty, or anything for after the trial?

am trying to watch many different olypmic things so brain is frazzled

No Natural nothing at all trying not to think of it if I can but its hard.

Do you have a "calming strategy" to help you through?

Not at the moment got a session tomorrow I think will need to phone and check she mentioned things for further down the road. Just need to get the next 4 weeks out of the way just now, then take it from there.

I was thinking something along the lines of a "safe" box to help you not feel bad/scared iyswim.

Things included could be
A selection of songs which make you feel better.
A snuggly jumper.
A special pebble/shell/charm to hold.
Numbers of friends to call who will just chat to you even if you can't say anything.
An emergency "picnic" spot you can go to/be found at.
Elastic bands/felt pens incase of self harm.

?? stoopid idea ??

Not at all stupid.
Music is my thing have hundreds on 2 sd cards for car.
Have a fleece blanket that I wrap myself in also when I was really bad used to hug a cushion curled up in chair.
Only have one friend and we only text not phone she's 8 miles away see each other intermittingly just, she went through similar but says it was nothing compared to me don't really agree.
Must admit to loving Langholm such a lovely calming place by the river. But DH never asks me where I've gone just lets me come home in my own time once I've calmed down.
I don't self harm most I do is hair pull, skin pull and head bang when stressed very low.

I've also been told by DC when I told her I take off in car that she'd rather I phoned her and spoke to her for 10-15 minutes about it but I can't bring myself to do it unless I need to. Feel I'm bothering her.

Dotty, DC wouldn't offer is she didn't mean it. Please take her up on it.
I called my counsellor last week, he's told me over and over to please call rather than struggle. I felt guilty for doing so, but really people don't offer if they don't mean it. It's her job, you aren't bothering her.

I think a "Safe" box sounds like a fab idea. I have safe items, a pillow I cuddle, my stretchy bead bracelet I always wear when I feel triggered, stressed or whatever. Maybe a photo of your children and husband? My house is covered in happy photos, I find them grounding.

My house is my safe box currently due to be invaded by maintenance men so I'm slightly anxious.

I agree with your DC, my offer is available to you too and I think you could say to your DH where your favourite spots are, just incase and I say that primarily as I ran off in a blind panic once and got lost.

The photo's sound like a good idea too, some luxury tea/coffee, a room where you aren't disturbed. Puzzles/jigsaws to calm racing thoughts?
Emergency food/cash/phone.
Samaritans number.

I retreat to my bedroom often only problem is I can wallow in self pity in there missed having that safe place whilst I was away its why I think I had total meltdown. DH said to me only problem is I'm always running away never happy wherever I am anymore was 10 months on Friday from when I reported it as well. Always have my phone just in case I have a call off DC/DS's professionals.

Sounds really awful but I've booked DS's respite for week he goes back to college kept forgetting to arrange it and was first week available which happens to be the week of PCMH and if the worst comes to the worst I don't want him to be here.

Thanks for the offer Natural still got my PM's, so kind of you.