Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 8

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Hi everyone, I'm back! Had a lovely time away. I won't be posting much at all today as we had a very very long journey, I was up at 5 and I have a cold as well as being pregnant! I feel horrendous so just taking it easy today and I'll catch up with everyone tomorrow.

Hope you're all well x

YEAH, you're back.

Glad you had a good time, I'm narked with my landlord and trying to help Dotty do a "safebox/copingstrategy" for the trial.

Dotty, I don't know what a pcmh thing is sorry. I think it's quite normal in the situation to not feel happy, I know I've been through similar.

Actually, atm I'm going in circles and getting nowhere and am fed up.

Plea and case management hearing Natural I'm hoping against hope that he pleads guilty then it will just be sentencing and I can then start to rebuild my life. I can't thank you ladies enough for all the support over the last few months.xx

Welcome back Cailin glad you had a nice break. x

DC's just left got a bit upset with it all talking about the case more in depth and my real worries she reiterated to phone her if need be and if she wasn't there she'd phone back and she didn't mind coming to see me for a chat. Never let my guard down in front of her before got shaky but not this.

Dotty, I know letting the guard down is hard and understandable but people like you and want to help so if you need to, but can't talk, call, ok.

I'm having a negative day today, partly my own fault as I'm not on top of things but I kind of can't see the point. This is the problem: I have made nothing of my life, I only have ds and him me I have no friends, I have no dp and nothing to offer either friends or a dp, I'm skint and need another income have just had to do a benefits check

Sorry you're having a rough day Natural. I'm not too great either, still have a cold, tired, feeling queasy and would love to just go to bed.

We'll be here to support you as much as possible in the coming months dotty. I'm really glad you can talk about how you're feeling on here.

My landlord council are being complete fuckwits arranging to do maintenance then not turning up then sending threatening letters to break in if I don't let them in, fucking well turn up then morons. My postie has diverted my dv neighbours mail from my house to his new one so I had the debt collectors. I can't afford uni so can't get qualified and have lost business because I'm not qualified even though I have experience and a lot of rl people think I'm weird or a loon, which has been said to my face

Sorry Cailin, just having a moan.

Go ahead and moan Natural, that's what the thread is for. What do you want to study at uni?

Hope you feel better soon.

I just feel stuck atm and very alone, I have not made anything of myself or overcome my past. Maybe I just need to chill, accept my life for what it is and just hope, now, I can start turning it around. I'm just scared because we have no one and I'm not sure I keep going on like this. But when I think about it, my life hasn't been helped by my family/ex/ex's family so I just need to man up.

I don't want to be single but I have nothing to offer.

Xpost.

I was looking at counselling psychology.

I did a psychology degree and I considered counselling but never did it. What attracts you to it as a job?

Is anyone the parent of a abused child or children? If so could you pm me. Need a bit of help. Thanks. x

We have had a few parents on the thread Emmie but I'm not sure there are any around at the moment. Please feel free to join the thread if you would like to, you are very welcome. Otherwise I'm happy to chat on PM if you prefer, even though I'm not a parent of an abused child.

Morning all thanks for your supportive words as DC said each day is another day closer now. Told her how blazee I was about it all I was a strong person who had always had to fight for so much so it wasn't going to effect me, she actually said those that seem strong find it harder because we tend to put a front on to the outside world told her I'd taken her advice and got more counselling she's pleased says I need it and lots of it. Even though she says she's not meant to give an opinion and is meant to stay impartial she would be very surprised if he got found not guilty if it comes to trial, asked her in her experience how many plead guilty and she says quite a lot but lawyers string it out for more money. Told her about my meltdown and she did say that I did that every so often but told her it was nothing like before as I got really angry and she says thats good.

She's even told me if I see her to say hello.

Emmielu, hope things are ok.

Cailin, I think I would be able to help people, I like supporting people and spend a bit of time doing it I am aware I may be crap at it I have a natural inclination to helping people and counselling seems to be the most positive way to do it. I don't want to atm incase I do it wrong though and the degree seems to be the best/least wacky avenue. I just don't want to advise and do it wrong.

A life coach would be another. I have done guidance before which I was good at.

Dotty, hugs.

I'm going to scream at the company who has the shittest fucking website on the planet but I presume they have a valid reason for being morons somewhere in their remit t'is not mn which is a breath of fresh air compared to a lot of websites who do they employ to do their website as they can't tell their arse from their shit.

and breathe.

When did britain lose it brain power.

Had a good but emotional counselling session today talked about such a mixture of things was really rambling from one thing to another good thing since I started back at counselling is the dark suicidal thoughts have now gone which I'm pleased about.

DH and I took a trip up to a local caravan sales place got all our vans bar one from there we want to downsize he had me in stitches messing about on the bed was genuinely happy again like days like this. Usually I'm no use to man or beast after a session. Xx

Dotty, so so glad for you, if the dark thoughts come back at any time please please talk about it, xx

I've calmed down and asked for rl help aswell, problem halved, someone's going to help me with something I'm terrified off. I'm still a bit jumpy around blokes with certain physiques but people know why so it's easier. my problems are sortable, minor and proof to me that I am getting over this and will have a better future.

Sorry for ranting but thanks for listening.

Sorry for my rant yesterday but it's made me realise that I'm starting to live again, plan for the future and care about what is happening in my life as opposed to last year when I just wanted to throw myself under a bus

Thankyou to everyone on here for supporting me, I'm starting to turn my life around and change how I live it. No more abusive twats who don't care or use me for their kicks.

Hope everyone's ok.

27 Days and dropping until the plea hearing finding it hard but I'll get there silly things reduce me to tears ATM even thinking to much. Just phoned witness care and got straight through to my allocated worker he's reassured me on certain things was worrying about finding accomodation if it went to trial and he said they'll book us in the night before and will not need to be there the whole week either probably between day 1-3. Mixed feelings about that might feel I want to be there for verdict rather than waiting at home don't know yet one day at a time just now.

Natural rant I away I'm a moaning bitch just now so sorry about that.

God that must be a hard countdown dotty. I am pleased to hear the people working with you seem so supportive, I know it doesn't take away the worry but at least you know they're there to help and that they're kind.

It's great to hear a positive note in your posts Natural. How are you feeling?

Och Dotty, and chocolate and hugs.

You're not moaning, what other things do you need to do?

Have you packed a bag, sorted court clothes?

Is there anything you need?

Thanks Cailin been really stressing about it, Not sorted anything yet Natural its not until November if he makes me go all the way.Don't need anything thanks.

To top it off my darling brother is shouting his mouth of on fb reading between the lines you could guess what its about not set as private either

pissed off @ little so called sister bringing my wife into something that doesnt involve her that happened along time ago just because all her children have grown up and you make a complaint against a dci and apoligise thru a copper at duns she never apologises back because she thinks she is above the law?