Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 8

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

How are you doing dotty?

Try again, lost last post.

Better today thought I was just tired yesterday was totally wiped out by lunchtime but last night was burning up god knows what was wrong with me.

Was at dr's today counseller asked me to get a check-up I've to stay on the citalopram until January at least when I've to go back hate taking it but needs must.

She's given me diazepam to get through the trial her suggestion not mine she knows I hate taking any medication, says it should calm my anxiety/nerves over it to also take one before I review my dvd interview to make it easier see if it works.

Came away feeling good but weird she says I look so much better than I have in years told her I've got a little confidence back now but still have my moments of real doubt she told me she was proud of me for this threw me a bit.

Well that's a year today that I began on this lifechanging journey, I'm a totallly different person now looking forward not backwards and life is becoming good again.

Hi all sorry the thread has drifted a bit.

How is everyone?

Fine here going to see my interview in 9 days [quiver]. Was speaking to an dear old friend of mine on fb last night used to share a flat with his gf many years ago had some fab times. Found out through talking that he works for criminal justice at the high court here [only seen him once since he moved to Edinburgh 9 years ago that was when I bumped into him] So was speaking to him about this was so understanding and full of encouragement for a good outcome told me it was normal to be scared of the trial but he said he knows I'll be okay love him to bits I do.

That's great dotty, it was lovely of him to be so supportive. How has life been the last couple of weeks?

Been ok Cailin really getting somewhere with counselling was watching a tv programme last night [ csi miami] and was so uncanny that the counseller on that worked in the same way as mine was amazing as it really works digging deep without to much prying. I now know why I dont like people behind me makes me extremely nervous was because of the assault at 14. My mother doesn't prey on my mind now as she really pushed me a couple of weeks ago as to why it was such a bother to me, told her this and she said yes and she will push again if she feels I'm ready to go there. Possibly going to twice weekly in the run up to the trial if I need it. Went to dr on her advice for a check-up and catch up she gave me diazepam to get through the trial week to calm my nerves but to try it beforehand says to view the dvd might try it before then and if its to high just half it can always take other half later if needed.

How's you and the bump?

We're not too bad, feeling very tired and achey this time round though, much more so than last time.

This is a very old thread, I was wondering if there was another one that followed on or a related support thread?
I'm getting some awful flashbacks and have gone looking for answers to questions but just don't know where to start asking. Specifically, I'm finding being a mother tricky in the context of my own abuse. My children are coming close to the age when I was abused and I'm finding things hard to judge. My trust and instincts are just all screwy and I'm just so afraid that I lack the ability to protect them from harm. I just want to find out how other survivors deal with their broken radars?
If this is the wrong place to post I'd appreciate any pointing in the right direction.
Thanks in Advance.