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Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 8

460 replies

CailinDana · 17/07/2012 08:22

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 10/09/2012 19:49

Yes I do think accepting the severity of the abuse has really helped, before I was saying I did this because I had to but now its for me and to help me rebuild my life it is going to be a long long journey for me but you can't undo 40 odd years of hurt, pain and surpressed feelings in a short time scale.

Was only about a month ago that I accepted this and also realised how massive it was.

dottyspotty2 · 10/09/2012 19:50

ok not 40 odd sorry its not quite as long as that 38 years ago he started it

Original poster
CailinDana · 10/09/2012 19:54

I can't tell you how pleased I am to hear that you feel you're getting something out of this process, and that it's becoming a positive thing for you.

OP posts:
Spottyblancmange · 10/09/2012 23:12

I think I'm going to have to keep her away from DD. She's been pushing recently to have DD overnight and I can't help thinking this is her, almost revenge I guess, for me not letting that happen. She doesn't like not getting her own way.

Dotty, I'm glad counselling is starting to help you!

dottyspotty2 · 11/09/2012 07:10

That might be best when DD2 was 10 my dad died and mum asked about her staying, just told her straight that I could never allow that to happen her reply was she'd never let anyone hurt her. This same woman has denied any knowledge of the abuse now.

Original poster
CailinDana · 11/09/2012 07:37

I would also question if it's wise for you to continue to have a relationship with your mother Spotty, if she minimises the abuse you suffered and uses it against you like that.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 12/09/2012 06:41

Long day ahead today, off to Liverpool to visit court had trouble getting to sleep just as well I went to bed earlyish I suppose.

To let DC know when I arrive she's letting me park in station carpark.

Original poster
CailinDana · 12/09/2012 06:51

Good luck with it dotty, I hope it goes ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 14/09/2012 12:21

How did it go dotty?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 15/09/2012 01:44

Good was a long day though was bit low on Thursday reality hit about it all I think won't even see his face or most people in court thankfully just judge and barristers was shaking like a leaf during visit.

Spottyblancmange · 15/09/2012 14:02

Dotty - My mum periodically denies any knowledge too, I never know what I'll get with her on any given day.

I'm glad your court visit went okay, and that you think you won't have to see his face in court.

Hope you are okay too Cailin!

dottyspotty2 · 15/09/2012 14:56

Definately won't see him at all seperate entrance to us all also got a letter disolving me from power of attorney for her. Was only a quick reply at stupid o'clock didn't sleep well last night. Was on about thinking it hit me badly still need to go and see my video evidence second week of October atm I'm thinking of going down alone was a very long hard day was very shaky my nephew saw me at the court but I never saw him he'd been threatened along with a couple of collegues a few months back. My mum denied to DC about any knowledge of abuse its in my MH records documemted that she was at counselling along with my dad was blamed on us being jealous of him.

dottyspotty2 · 15/09/2012 15:02

Really doesn't make sense as I had the most perfect relationship with him as a child/youngster bizarre you may think considering how severe the abuse was. Only hit me about a month ago how bad it was. Then the whole process became about me and not doing the right thing even my counseller noticed a change in me when this happened also told DC about it and she says its good. She actually said she believed me when I questioned this saying she had to be impartial she said there's only so much impartiality in some cases and ours is really genuine.

Spottyblancmange · 15/09/2012 15:04

Sorry, you were clear Dotty, I read it wrong.

I'm very glad you won't have to see him at all. Hope you are feeling okay today.

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/09/2012 15:08

I'm glad the visit went well dotty. It's really good that you won't have to see him, that must be a big relief. Your DC sounds top notch, it was very good of her to say she believes you. I'm really happy to see the changes in you. I know it's still going to be really hard but there is a definite note of strength and positivity in what you write these days. It's great to see.

I'm not too bad Spotty, just recovering from yet another bad cold but other than that all ok. How are you?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 16/09/2012 17:32

Had a lovely evening last night was a joint 18th for nephew and DS had cake with picture of both on, had a long talk with eldest nephew he's a rock to me he was called by my mother in july she'd missed his dd's birthday [4] told him ds never got one for his 18th anyway she asked whether he would bring his children to visit and he told her no because if IT turned up he would need to leave to 1, protect his children and 2, because he had more respect for his mum and 2 aunties and what he'd put us through had lovely hugs off him as well. Smile

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/09/2012 17:33

That's great dotty. Good on your nephew, bless him.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 16/09/2012 23:24

Going to try and have a quiet week very shaky tonight after doing so much last week

dottyspotty2 · 19/09/2012 17:48

Feel really low today been in bed since lunch time lost my oomph had a really hard session on monday night very emotional getting tough on me but needs to or I won't get anywhere. Just feel so fucking crap and useless :(

Original poster
CailinDana · 19/09/2012 17:53

:( dotty. Want to talk a bit about what you're thinking/feeling?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 19/09/2012 18:22

Just generally crap Cailin done practically nothing all week counseller dragged stuff out of me by pushing so hard with me told me she was going to be tough on me as wanted to get over this feeling to do with my mother. Its the isolation I feel now 11 months since I saw her now almost a year since I walked into local police station to report it. Since I've told counseller I can say his name she pushes me if I say he/him by asking who until I use his name its all part of the healing I know but its so damn hard.

dottyspotty2 · 19/09/2012 18:26

Also have virtually no-one here so lonely now want to go home

Original poster
CailinDana · 19/09/2012 18:32

Do you think the counsellor is pushing too hard?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 19/09/2012 18:36

No most of it's chilled out and relaxed just certain issues that are making me distressed needs doing she's goimg to help me work through strategies to get me through the trial told her I want to go alone no-one thinks I should be though so mixed up

dottyspotty2 · 19/09/2012 18:38

meant thats when she gets forceful with me really blurted so much out stuff I didn't realise was there even she never puts words in my mouth all me