Hello Everyone, not in a good place but just need to offload, sorry I'm no use to anyone atm, will be thinking of you over the next few days Dotty.
Have lost my faith/belief/hope/something, don't know what and it's not depression, maybe I can't fool myself anymore don't even know if thats the right thing. It's like everthing is tainted with this insidious disease that everyone knows but doesn't see and I feel like nothing will ever be untainted. Like there's nothing good left, it's too much, there's too many survivors, too many who've walked my shoes yet it doesn't change, it's like society says it's ok for people to do that, it's ok for you to be used in that way. I don't know, like, ok there's a problem, society knows it but doesn't/can't/won't do anything unless you're found dead in a ditch, then they might have to do something.
Argh, sorry, just getting some angries/bitterness out.
They had a chance to stop him but didn't, why?
Farking Bastards.
It's like I'm nothing but meat. But maybe I'm making too much fuss over it, maybe it's not that bad, I mean I could have been murdered but I wasn't, so I have to appreciate that and forget the rest, forget it, because if it wasn't me it might have been someone good/nice/decent/worthy.
Just think everything/everyone is bollocks.
And tomorrow I'll get up and continue on and I may or may not look in the eyes of someone who's raped their child or their friends child or turned a blind eye to their dh/df/du etc raping their child.
And I don't know how to live with that anger/disillusionment.
Ahh well, thanks for reading my whinging, will bugger orf for a bit 