Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 8

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Don't be sorry DH has just had the nerve to ask what's wroong forgot should be as happy as larry eh

What did you say to him dotty?

That for him to say that says it all.

I accidentaly phoned him he phoned me back asking what I wanted told him I never phoned so he hung up I knoow he's finding it hard but he won't talk to me.

Could you sit down with him and tell him exactly what you need from him? Perhaps he's feeling a bit at a loss. He might have been asking "what's wrong?" as his own clumsy way of trying to get you to talk.

I agree, my DP does this all the time. Asks what's wrong, when it is obvious what the problem is, or I've answered the same question seven times already.

Calin, yes, it happens very frequently, I am unaware of triggers today, have tried to retrace actions etc in order to pinpoint but can't see for looking.

I'm home now supposedly to get a sleep before going for the girls. Cailin I just need him here he knows that he should know what's wrong the hearings on Tuesday can't stop thinking about it ATM. So worried about him making me go through a trial can't see him losing face with my mother or his wife.

I can totally understand why you're worried dotty.

Tried to have a sleep have panda eyes again but mind just races if I try to sleep will need plenty of red bull I need to go down top Alnwick castle and back tonight.

Is that a long journey?

55 miles/hour and half or so each way according to the maps but I know what the roads are so will be longer

Doesn't get out until 10.30ish so time I get them could be 1am home [yawn]

Drive safe

Didn't get home until 1.15 was a nightmare trying to find them about 6 entrances I didn't know this and was at main entrance was there an hour and a half waiting or an hour and 20 minutes hunting for them could of been home just after 12. Good thing is I was up for 23 hours took an hour to calm down to sleep but got 6 hours sleep.

Glad you had a decent sleep in the end. How are you feeling?

Shattered one nights sleep don't make up for what I've missed, trying to keep busy today daft as it sounds I'm singing/humming to myself to try to take my mind off everything DD1's coming over again today and have friends DD to take home also have DS's case to pack for respite.

I had my baby nearly 7 months ago but when I was in labour and after I had to have various things checked etc which basically left me feeling violated as they brought back memories of :( something that happened to me when I was 4.....basically I was raped by a boy who must have been 10 or older. I keep getting flashbacks and awful thoughts and I cannot cope. It is so upsetting, I want to forget. I only realised what had happened to me when I was 26....when I was a child I didn't know what had happened....I knew it was bad....I ran away crying saying I didn't like to play with those boys on the street anymore....I rarely played outside my house after that and I remember I would throw up if I had to go school and didn't go to school for several weeks after...I used to refuse to and stayed in bed....:( :( I just want the flashbacks to stop so I can get on with my life...........my Dad is ill and my husband has just found out he is too........too much to deal with :( Sorry to be sad, just terrified by this all......going to have counselling soon, just waiting to hear from them for an appointment. xx

:( Crazy. Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Have you ever talked to anyone before about what happened?

Crazy so so sorry it's surprisingly common for memories to come back after the birth of a first child I had a few memories at 16 but most started around the time DD1 was born. I found this thread on top of the counselling and great support of everyone involved including friends has been amazing.

No not really. I have now told the health visitor and had an initial assessment with a counasellor. I have told my husband...he is my rock. xx

I don't want to talk about it in a way, even though I need to to get help to recover from this.......I feel I am going back 'there'............and then the flashbacks start again. :(

It's good that you've been able to tell them. How ill is your husband?

Flashbacks are very very hard. They're awful. But I honestly think they're necessary - they're a way of your brain rooting all the stuff out of your brain and getting rid of it. It's a horrible process, but worth it in the end I think.

Do you have flashbacks at the moment?

It is horrible I'm 25 years on from remembering for the first time and TBH it's only when your ready that you can talk about it, It's taken me so long but something I wish I'd done a long time sgo personally I think if you find a good counseller it makes a difference first counseller that DC got me in touch with at rape crisis was a PTSD counseller and fab got me over the crisis point and my current private counseller is great as well she will be long term she's told me that and lots of things are getting repeated but she says its necessary to get it out like that.

i'm so scared to go over it but you are v brave...i think you are right you need to be ready