Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

What are you thinking of saying to him Offred?

Everything I think, how I was repeatedly assaulted in school, bullied and publicly humiliated and felt abandoned by my parents and the school who, I think knew what had happened (school did and think they told parents), how I got very depressed and self harmed, how I got raped by workmate and things never the same, about my relationship with xp, being homeless/subjected to violence etc up until I met him and how I have had some difficulty adjusting to a safe and healthy relationship and have only just been able to sit back and fully understand the progression of events. I think he needs to know, he's been picking up the pieces this whole week. I think it may help me put it to bed.

Advice would be appreciated.

I can write that all down now without fear.

Offred have you had ANY counselling ever for all this trauma?

Cailin just numb these days again feel crap for the way I've treated DH this last while no wonder he snapped the reason I told him they'd be better with me gone.

I had women's aid counselling after xp, some crap counselling in college (brief), some god awful family counselling age 16, some good general counselling after the women's aid counselling and some great specific counselling from rape and sexual abuse charity last year. I went to that because that's when I started wanting to tell DH but didn't feel ready then. Counsellor said I shouldn't feel like I have to talk, can keep it secret if I'm not ready.

Family counselling tell me about it all the fucking accusations and trying to make you a family that you'd long ago lost

Yes dotty that was my experience too. I felt like I just had to sit there and listen to my parents blaming and accusing me of all sorts of stuff and I would not talk. I did not want to talk and especially not to them. It was so one sided.

I think if you feel ready then it's good to tell him. Just be aware that his reaction might be mixed or it might not be exactly what you expect. It might be a good idea at the very beginning to say what you want from him - as in "I just want to tell you this because I need to get it off my chest, all I expect from you is X Y and Z." Do you want him to tell you how he feels about it?

I think so yes, I will cope with it however he feels. He is not good at sharing so if I don't ask then he will never tell and it will rip us apart.

I haven't got any expectations about how he might react, I haven't got a clue. I think he will be able to guess anyway.

How are you feeling about the prospect of telling him?

Offred it was a conspirousy because IT had done so well [RAF] one of my sisters was accused of being promiscuious she had been with her DH since the age of 15 her first and only love best was she wasn't there to defend herself.

Dotty the things being said about upstanding pillars of society influenced that for me. It was inappropriate to send us to family counselling when I was being emotionally and physically abused at home. We got sent there because my family were well known local doctors and it was all about blaming me from the start. Just made things a million times worse. Was it like that with you?

Cailin - nervous but I just want to get it out. I feel like I've built up to this since jan last year and it needs to come out.

Offred don't remember the ins and outs was way back in '88 I do remember opening up to a dr and getting referred to what is now CAMHS and they wanted the family dynamics looked into my we'd only been here a couple of years but he'd already got himself well in with the church and community,he wasn't a proffesional in any way he was invalidid out of the RAF before I was born and was a bitter man who gave up on everything and we all suffered as a consequense.

Funny cause I told a friend about what was wrong a couple of months ago cause she kept asking me and said it was obvious something was up. Mentioned my dad and she said she was always a bit scared of him.

I think part of the reason why I was so terribly down is because all the people I was constantly being told would help me didnt; parents, school, the doctors, college. Some people have really helped, the bloke who took me in and cared for me in a purely kind way, DH and my counsellor friend. The others fall into either abusive or not abusive. The x I saw yesterday was sweet but I was very messed up and treated him like shit, don't know why he still speaks to me ten years on tbh, he got caught up in the whirlwind of shit I had going at the time...

It is such a betrayal to feel helpless and to just feel like all the people who should care/help are only eager to kick you when you are so low. I can't imagine how awful some of the things people on this thread have been through are. I feel you are all so brave.

pity party again. So sick of it.

It's ok to express those feelings Offred.

Offred it's ok to have bad days I whine to much as it is.

Offred it's ok to have bad days I whine to much as it is.

Offred it's ok to have bad days I whine to much as it is.

oops

Feel like such an idiot today. I really have to get this stuff off my chest. Can't deal with being two different people anymore.

Offred do you mean like a mask.