Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

What do you define as a "headcase" dotty?

Belle, if someone bitches about you behind your back in retaliation to you standing up for yourself, that shows that person has issues and has been caught out in their pisstaking.

Dotty, you are not a headcase, they are there to help you and will be glad to help you, don't be scared to go to them.

I have problems finding friends I have stuff in common with, most other mums are a lot older and can be quite patronising in telling me how I should be parenting. I'm forming friendships now though, at last.

Cailin wouldn't call others it thats just nasty but atm I'm on such a low even DH has commented that he's losing me again crying so easily as well. Basically I'm falling to pieces again. Feels daft as well as the place I usually go shopping is where she's been transferred to wouldn't want her to think I'm going over just because she's there now.

Can I offer you a hug dotty?

Dotty, it's a small world, she won't think that. How are you doing with grounding techniques?

she's just been to pick up her son, normally a playdate would end at around 4 or so? not bloody half five?
she turned up with her other 2 older kids, I had her son all ready to go straight to the car, but she comes right on in to the house, straight through to the back garden asks for a drink of water and lights up her fag!! Meanwhile her kids start wrecking my kids playhouse in the garden, fighting ith each other. NUTS
she ranted about some stuff, told be 'dont be a stranger' about 100 times then left. I want very little involvememt with this family tbh. Last time I babysat for them, the girls asked for a sleepover here. WTF?

So hopefully thats me covered for a while, not interested. She freaks me out with her crossing of boundaries. Have posted about her in one of my previous threads.

Feeling rather manipulated now, but off to sort tea for kids now to try and forget there are some really bizarre controlling women out there who i really dont want to get involved with - self protection at a high level if I'm honest

Like what Dirona?

That woman sounds very weird Belle. I think you're just unlucky that she's latched on to you - she's probably pissed off a huge string of people before you and saw that you were a nice person and started in on you. Could you just start phasing her out - avoid her calls etc. WRT to picking her children up today, you could have just ignored her text and then she would have been forced to do it herself - she's hardly going to just leave them at school.

you are so right Cailin, I should have ignored the text. Really hoping my therapist can offer me some strategies for dealing with characters stronger than me in life. In RL I just feel hopeless with telling people what not to do.

Dirona - I just try to avoid people like that in real life, but it never works!

Sending you a cup of tea and a hug Dotty

I used to avoid people like that but have to find ways of "enforcing my boundries" for work stuff

Like Cailin said, you don't have to answer her. You can state we are having family night tonight/x day. We can't have a sleepover as no room but we'd love to have you, stops the kids being upset, if all that makes sense. Having a filofax shows age helps as you can take it out and "check" it whilst thinking up an excuse and be sugary nice to the kids so they aren't hurt comes across as complete bitch

Dotty, how easy are you finding it to recognise you are having a flashback?

The visual ones are easy but the auditory/sensation/emotion ones can be trickier to recognise.

What type of grounding stuff have you done in therapy? and have you done inner child therapy?

I'm off to find the grounding link so might be a while.

Don't have flashbacks now only ever had a couple and not about the abuse but the house I first lived in christmas day 1975.

Noticed tonight that traffic noise upset me again noise seemed heightened like it was before when I couldn't cope.

Did none of that in therapy was more support than anything but she thought I had ways of coping like the earphones when out and about.

The local counselling I've found does specialise in adult abuse survivor, but couldn't connect don't know if it's cause I didn't pluck the courage up until about 4 or if it's closed down now.

Just marking the thread so I can find it again.
Keep going Dotty, you'll find another counsellor and if you need to fall apart for a bit then let yourself. I finally started making improvements a few years back when I gave in to how bloody awful I felt. You can only go so low before you come up again. Just keep talking on here if you start to feel too low

Dotty, the heightened sounds are auditory flashbacks, I get them and used to use headphones too.

Grounding is the same for visual, blanket, teddy, tea, soothing music, accept it and that you're safe, process it. It might give you some "early" answers.

I keep losing my posts so hopefully this will post.

The auditory/sensation/emotion flashbacks are normal for us :( but it's difficult to spot them.

Sorry but don't really understand how you can auditory flashbacks its more like a sensory overload (DS's SW said it sounded like it) don't have bad memories of IT either only him being extra nice to me sisters say it was put down to me being 'the baby' know different now no longer have a relationship with DH as he'll not cause me any further suffering.

But I'm only like that outside anyway just came on suddenly.

completely get what you mean Dotty when you say sensory overload

it is awful

but finding ways to let it pass, like Dirona has suggested, definitley have helped me anyway in the last week since I joined this thread, I was clueless before

Morning all how is everyone on this dreary morning?

Personally had a crap night panic over getting to sleep is worsening again was up for an hour at 3 then took until about 5 to go back again crying myself to sleep again feel like a little kid.

Very tired and demotivated. It's been a long tiring week and I just want it to be over. PILs are coming at the weekend to look after DS and DH and I are going out for the day which I am so looking forward to.

Sorry to hear you had such a bad night. Do you want to talk about what causes the panic?

Cailin I really don't know my sleep had finally settled down as 'normal' for first time in my life then as soon as I saw the DC to do the impact statement it's been spiralling downwards again along with my mood last few nights its got worse like it was 6/7 months ago one way of describing it would be like a young child throwing a tantrum but it's involuntary my legs go into spasms it's weird and I get overemotional started taking sominex again 2 nights ago but no effect so far.

That sounds terrible dotty, really scary. So it seems like doing the statement brought these feelings to the surface again?

trigger post

Drescriptions of intimate abuse

Does anyone get "sensations" of the sex abuse, like the sensation of being touched intimately?

I used to get these quite badly, at really bizarre moments and had sexual responses to them even though there was no sexual touch etc.

Does that make sense to anyone?

I did some abuse sex therapy and haven't had them since so I'm positive they were sensation flashbacks.

Or I'm just being mental.

I can't answer your question Dirona sorry I'm not up to it tonight.

Sorry Cailin.

No one needs to answer, just scroll past it and carry on.

If it's tmi I can't ask for it to be deleted.

Apologies.

No need for it to be deleted, it's fine honestly. I'm just feeling crappy at the moment and don't have the energy.

How's your day been?