Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Can ask for it to be deleted.

I don't think you should delete it, I think it's a totally relevant question to ask, I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you so that's why I said I couldn't answer it.

Pretty good Cailin, I think going for the camp out has really "retuned" me, in a good way, so I'm going to do it every few weeks.

How's yours been? Hope you have a good weekend, I know it's difficult to leave the wee ones but it's important to have you/dh time. The first time is difficult, I think I checked my phone every two minutes and couldn't wait to get back to ds but I did need the grown up time. Don't be afraid to ask for reasurrance from the ils too. Could you take a laptop to skype?

Cailin, you/anyone doesn't need to answer it in any way, it can be put away until/if you can answer it. I didn't expect a reply which is why I put a warning, so anyone who isn't able to answer can just avoid it and anyone who does want to talk about can.

Not that anyone needs to answer me anyway :o talking out my derri-air most of the time.

and

It sounds like normal physical memories/flashbacks to me Dirona. I've had the same, luckily not for a long time because it makes me feel horrible and to blame for things. I used to just ignore it but get irritable/angry/depressed later. It was the one bit i couldn't cope with and since experiencing them have turned into a complete prude! Bleurgh! yuk yuk yuk!

I'm going off thread for a while need to sort my head out take care x

Ok dotty. Sending you a big hug x

Dotty :(

I'll be leaving too. It takes quite a lot of courage to answer a question like that and to be completely ignored is quite hurtful. Fed up of trying to join in with what seems a very cliquey thread now. Thanks for the support before and good luck everyone.

Amitola, I was waiting for a bit after Dotty left as she's struggling at the moment.

It took a lot to say that, I know, it's a horrendus thing to go through, again, even after the abuse has stopped. I'm so glad you know what I'm talking about and I'd like to talk more about it.

The sensation flashbacks used to make me feel wrong and that I was a nymphomanic and that to get rid of them I had to sleep with guys. Since doing the sex therapy I haven't had any of that.

I hope you both come back, the thread isn't cliquey, it's sometimes hard to answer everyone or I get a busy in rl. If you need someone to answer you please can you ask for someone to listen as someone will

I'm so sorry for everyone having flashbacks and if I could I would take them away for you and give you the reassurrance you need

Please could you ask for the reassurance rather than sitting there thinking we don't care because we do care deeply for you and wish you love and comfort you didn't get, x

Amitola, before you answered Dirona's question, I already said I wasn't going to engage with it so I'm not going to apologise for not responding to your post. It is a shame you feel ignored, but I don't believe the thread is cliquey and I do think a lot of posters on here, myself included, have made an effort to support you and listen to you. If you feel unsupported then perhaps it is best that you leave, but do feel free to come back any time.

I cant help you here in any specific way related to your question back there Dirona, i wont pretend that i can, but hope you know that I wish I could

but just to add, that with the flashbacks, I think we are all looking for a validation of some sort?

that the flashbacks have a point of origin, and yes, we are ok or valid - not mental - to want them clarified in our heads

as they are so constant sometimes, they can really throw us off course in RL

i think validation for our thoughts/feelings on here is like a warm blanket, someone telling us it is ok to have crap days that go on for weeks, or it is ok to not understand but desperately want answers - it is ok to want to live normal days like everyone else in RL seems to

I oftej just want anyone to tell me, it is OK and it will BE ok too

hugs to you all

bloody knackered ALL DAY today, for no reason, but then, for some reasons, mentally.

I'm knackered too Belle. Thanks for the hug, have one back :)

Oh Cailin, hug was needed thanks (hope hug sending ain't making this cliquey tho..am easily made paranoid me!)

Please keep posting please others, it keeps me sane!

it really does offer so much support even if there are only a few here writing stuff out, there may be others lurking on the thread finding solace in our posts

who knows

Try being single with no family and if you tell anyone you feel suicidal they tell social services who will take your kids away. I may not go on about struggling but that doesn't mean i'm not. I just don't tell people anymore because nobody gives a fuck.
There have been many times when my posts have been completely ignored and only responded to when i've said something about it.
I posted the other night about how i feel and not one response.

As its your thread Cailin, i guess i will have to leave then. My post wasn't however aimed at you.

Amitola - sending you a hug too, I want to listen, I hope I was able to post back when you posted about your mother/sister having a presence in your life again, I know I posted back about your post on your friend's terminally ill parent

Sometimes other people's problems, like your friends, or your mum, shouldnt have to be on your shoulders as well - you are not responsible for them Amitola,

I'm not asking you to leave Amitola. I would really like you stay. I've written plenty of posts that haven't been responded to, it's the way things like this work. I do make an effort to reply to as many posts as possible but I don't always get the chance, and the same goes for everyone else I think. If you want something to be replied to, sometimes you have to make that clear as otherwise things can get lost, especially when the thread is moving fast.

Let's not fight, eh?

and yes in RL people let us down

especially family, all the time

bloody blood is worse than water, not just thicker

breaking that connection with them is hard, but keep a focus on how you want your life to go, dont give them the airspace inside your head - they sound toxic Amitola

if i think, i wont expect anything from someone who is hurting me, then i feel better about the relationship somehow

if I dont expect great things, which will never come anyhow, then how can i be disappointed or upset

self protection - it is one of our strongest qualities on this thread, that we all are learning how to deal with the idiots close to us who chose to screw up so much of our lives - they had no right to do what they did

we/you are not responsible - all you can do is make sure you are doing ok for yourself and your kids

taking one day, one hour, one 30 minute block of the day as it comes

Thankyou Belle, hug back.

Cailin, can I offer a hug too.

Amitola, if you'd like to speak to me off thread if you have issues either pm me or invite me to a thread to discuss it. I missed your post the other night and apologised when I saw it, I have apologised for not answering you straight away tonight. I do give a fuck and have supported you through struggles. I understand how you're feeling but I am not the person to blame for your anger. I'd like to extend an olive branch, it's up to you to accept

Are you still there Amitola?

is there anything you think you could do tomorrow to make it a good day for yourself or your kids?

sorry if i sound simplistic, but sometimes doing something simple but different in a day gives me a lift iyswim

Yup you sure can, Dirona, gratefully received.

I have a hug waiting for you Amitola, if you'd like it?

i took dc for a happy meal drive thru after school pickup - i never do that

well, it wasnt happy meal, more like 3 cheapo poundsaver cheesburger things and we shared a strawberry milkshake

they sat like 2 little dudes in the front seat, it brought unrecognised JOY to my soul

not sure why, it was so simple, yet it was raining, but they just loved it