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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

999 replies

CailinDana · 16/04/2012 17:38

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 04/05/2012 18:55
OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 18:59
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 19:03
dottyspotty2 · 04/05/2012 19:04

there's a photo to tease you on my profile, big hobby of mine x

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 19:05

I make the bestest, smoothest vanilla chocolate truffles :o and a damn good venison pie

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 19:07

oh Dotty stop teasing us I'll never be able to kidnap you from drooling too much :o

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 19:10

Damn I looked, am crying with the beauty of that cake and the knowledge I won't get to eat it

CailinDana · 04/05/2012 19:11

Oh wow that cake on your profile looks amazing, it's like a monument to the wonder of chocolate :)

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 04/05/2012 19:14

Did that one and the rainbow cake along with malteser traybake for DD2's charity tablesale

TheMistsOfAvalon · 04/05/2012 20:13

Grin Sorry girls no can share because I'm too busy stuffing it -all down my gob-- very preoccupied, but I'll eat another slice in honour of you allGrin

Then I'm heading over to Dotty's for extras, and to Coffee for some pie.

TheMistsOfAvalon · 04/05/2012 20:19

Actually dotty having seen yours I may just demand that you make one for me!

dottyspotty2 · 04/05/2012 20:31

bambi pie sounds good

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 20:44

damn Dotty it's not Bambi said through snot and tears better animal husbandry than cows though which are evil

How d'you make your ganache Dotty? gets competitive :o

Don't worry Avalon, we're kidnapping you too :o victoria sponge is mouth wateringly classy and sophisticated as opposed to Dottys pure unadulterated decadence

I make the ultimate gooeyly soft carrot cake and I'll never reveal my secret!

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 20:48

Avalon, as a helpful time saving tip so you can scoff more cake when doing strike through put then the text, then but with no space between the and the first/last letter, a'la b--

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 20:50

If that makes sense, pwease could I have your crumbs now :o

TheMistsOfAvalon · 04/05/2012 20:57

Grin Oh go on then Coffee here you go!Grin

TheMistsOfAvalon · 04/05/2012 20:59

You guys are all so special. I have to be off now though. DP is going away for a couple of days, have to help him get organised. Night all and loads of hugs!

Well tomorrow I'll be posting lotsSmile

dottyspotty2 · 04/05/2012 21:02

no idea whats ganache?

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 21:19

Bye Avalon said through a crumb filled mouth see you tomorrow :o

Ganache! Dotty, the chocolate cream stuff truffles are made of :o

numb19 · 04/05/2012 23:26

Hi,
I've not spoken on here so not sure what to say and not sure if i'm in the right place.

Its difficult to explain but i'm not sure if what 'happened' to me is abuse or just young sexual promiscuity (sp?)

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 23:38

Hi Numb, do you want to talk about it? It's obviously upsetting you, how are you doing?

Ineedtotellyouthatnow · 04/05/2012 23:47

Well I have been debating with myself whether I should post or not. But I think I hid it for too long.

I am sorry to hijacked your thread but I think I need to speak about it. I read most of the threads so sorry if I missed something.

If need to get over the feeling of shame that it's consuming me.

I have been sexually abused by my half brother as far I remembered and it lasted until I was around 13 when I told him to fuck off and never touch me again. Well should have done that earlier cos it worked.

What i am really pissed of about is that some member of my family had a feeling of what was going on but no one did anything about it. And the occasions were I was left alone with him were too many, he was 7 years older than me.

I always felt so bad ashamed and disgusted about it, I knew I was not normal. I suffered from very very low self esteem throughout my life. But i just lay there waiting for him to finish. he used to say that it was normal, people in love do that and that I enjoyed that, I liked it so therefore I was asking for it.

For a very young age I was obsessed with sex. If I was groped at school i couldn't say anything I just froze, people used to say I liked it but I didn't know what to do, I froze. So I was an easy target to be felt up by boys and the vicious circle was even deeper.

When I started dating I didn't know how to behave in a relationship so I was used for sex many times, tossers who would bullshit me to get me in bed and I couldn't say no, I just slept with them, I didn't want to. Again just lay there waiting for them to finish and after branded as an easy girl or slut

After sex I would be so ashamed embarrassed dirty, I just hated myself, contemplating suicide. i used to think I was ugly stupid good for nothing and every time I remembered the abuses I was going insane, couldn't talk to anyone just having meltdowns. My family used to think that I was stupid I should do better in life but couldn't understand why I was the way I was.

Luckily my dad kicked him out for some other reasons. I used to hate him. i plot a little revenge and it worked, but felt even craper about it cos I know that he had been abused too by other family member, more physical and emotional. What a lovely family I have hey!

I meet DH 10 years ago and I talked to him, he understands and support me. Our sex life was very hard at first, but we slowly getting there but still some days I think about it and I feel sick disgusted with myself, I want to dig a hole and disappear. I have to be strong for my ddcs.....

If you still there thank for listening

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 04/05/2012 23:55

Ineed, I'm still here and listening, I'm so sorry that happened to you, I know those feelings of guilt and shame. He had no right to do that to you, it's good you now have your DH and DC. Hopefully you now have no contact with him, big hugs, x

Ineedtotellyouthatnow · 05/05/2012 00:07

Thanks coffee.
I don't have contact but some of my family don't understand why.
Thanks for your reply, it means a lot. The dcs are asleep and dh still working so pretty much lonely

numb19 · 05/05/2012 00:11

hmm, not sure what to say now.
Ineedtotellyouthatnow I'm so so sorry for you.

I'm in a different situation as I sort of led it all on. I know i sounds daft, but it was my fault.

When I was 14 I got a job working at a pub. A pub miles and miles from anywhere else, so I stopped from thursday till sunday. There were lots of locals who also stopped regularly (too far to drive when drunk). Anyway, I suppose I was always quite a filtatious person.

At one party an older man c (he was mid 30s at the time - I was 15) spent a lot of money on getting me drunk. This was one of my favourite pass times I have to admit. I was bar maiding so, walking back and fwd past collecting glasses etc when an arm came down and pulled me up a stair case. The man c began to kiss me, and I kissed him back. He then pulled me upstairs and took me into a bedroom. He started to have sex with me.

My difficulty is that I in no way pushed him off at this point. After a while (2 mins) I started to sobre up and tried to push him off. He was having none of it and instead turned me over and started having sex with me up the bum Blush. I told him I didn't like it/ didn't wan i but as I'd been quite happy with the initial snog etc just felt like i'd led him on.

Afterwards we had sex twice more. (on seperate occassions). The fact was that he was charming but i didn't know how to stop him.

i told my dh who would kill him if he met him but it will never happen. What goes through my head is that c thinks i wanted it.