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Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

999 replies

CailinDana · 16/04/2012 17:38

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
TheLaminator · 16/04/2012 22:14

Hhhm, yes. It may just be too big at the mo.

Its DS1 birthday in a few weeks and we were hoping to book venue that we have used for many events, gigs, fundraisers, we have a massive boxing day dinner there every year.. Its a big old church, but it doesnt freak me out in they way most churches do. Its non denominational & more of a meeting place for spiritual thinking and talking etc. they do an awful lot of work locally with poor families & homeless people. My friends is the warden and foned me tonight to say the room is not available for the date we wanted. she has said their "sister" church in the city is available & wants to know if she should book it.
I know nothing about this church, apart from the fact it is more "churchy" they have christian services etc.
DS1 wants to watch a film & we have a friend with a projector who is going to organise this for us. I dont want to disapoint our son, we need a venue big enough for us to show a film but I also dont want to freak out, I`m not going to have chance to pop down & check it out before hand.

GGgggr, its just a room. but it might have that smell, but i`ll not know till we get there.
oooh what to do?

PlinkPaSta · 16/04/2012 22:17

Laminator, I want my own business, I know the market, can see the gap and can undercut competitors, but atm it's too much so I'm doing a small job for one person, even if it just stays a "hobby" it's something I enjoy and I'm good at.

Ask me to go to a coffee morning and throwing up in the bathroom.

If you're not ready don't push, it'll come in time.

PlinkPaSta · 16/04/2012 22:21

sorry xpost. Book it and buy rescue remedy and a nose plug! sorry completely naff answer.

Is there a sports hall instead?

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 22:23

What are you afraid of wrt the room?

OP posts:
TheMistsOfAvalon · 16/04/2012 22:28

I was just off to bed, and popped back to wish everyone goodnight and a lovely day tomorrow, when I got completely corrupted by 'low fat bread with proper butter'Grin Yes! Now I have a guilt free cardGrin I know which bread I'm buying from now on!

Am I the only south London girl then? It's a ghetto down here!

Night all xx

PS

I'm buying tomato soup tomorrow for lunch with some half fat real buttered toast. Cheese already in the fridge. You lot are a bad influence. Support thread to eat and put weight on indeed!Angry...Smile

dottyspotty2 · 16/04/2012 22:28

Laminator its taken me 7 months from my near breakdown to do this its 1 day might be totally different next time. I couldn't do it without music to block the background moise out I still get shaky.

I still struggle if its really busy it was quite quiet today.

TheLaminator · 16/04/2012 22:33

A whole load of things really.
The church smell.
The first church we wanted had been abandoned for years and was squatted and used as a venue. The "parish" found a hippy priest to help bring it back to life etc, so to me I new it first as a venue & the church bit came later (although its obviously always been a church, just not used as one).
I know we would have been left alone to get on with the party at first church, but i dont know who will be there at other church.
i dont want to offend anyone with faith, but I just cant be doing with christians being all christiany. Or Christian imagery. I know it wont be all blood & damnation like the catholic church/school I attended, but its still a worry.

:) at nose plugs!!

dottyspotty2 · 16/04/2012 22:36

Avalon in January you could see my cheek bones and hip bones etc was heading back to serious problems only eating once or twice a week, I had a wake up call the day my gp set me targets to eat and get out of the house I nearly keeled over twice basically ate so much shit since then its ridiculous have put so much weight on don't intend to go back to what I was a few years was seriously obese starting back on SW plan tomorrow x

PlinkPaSta · 16/04/2012 22:42

:o Avalon, twas all Totu and Laminators fault, I'm a flatbread and stork weirdo me! night xx

Laminator, desensitising the trigger could help? I couldn't go near a churchy church either. I went to catholic school too. If I ever get married it's barefoot in the woods with druids, seriously. Wouldn't even live in a converted one.

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 22:46

It's a hard call Laminator. What would your reaction be if you did find the place threatening? Would having your son and DH around make you feel safer?

OP posts:
PlinkPaSta · 16/04/2012 22:47

Night and Hugs to everyone,

TheLaminator · 16/04/2012 22:50

Did you plan it Dotty, or did you just go "ah sod it, get on with it"?
I talk myself & rationalise my way in and out of stuff, rather than having panics directly to do with stuff. But then it all builds up and i crack after the event because i`ve exhausted myself trying to hold it together.
The thing I cant deal with is smells. they come out of the blue & knock me six on the spot.
Whats the SW plan dotty?

I dont think I am ready.

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 22:55

It's ok if you're not ready Laminator. The fact that you're even considering it is a good thing, it's the first step.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 16/04/2012 22:56

Had no choice came back to empty cupboards, fridge and freezer I still struggle to get showered and dress but once I am I'm not bad, normally have palpitations about leaving the house alone but I think getting away alone done my MH good apart from on the Motorway back thinking the backend of a lorry was the amswer to my prayers. SW- slimming world

TheLaminator · 16/04/2012 22:58

CD - at worst vomit & panic attack & hyper vigilant with strangers
at best - become hyperactive/supermum/entartainer/cook/cleaner/over talking.

Nope, im not ready. Going to have to deal with lots of new people, which is ok, i can talk the talk when I need to and am comfortable. Ill ask about a few other places tomorrow.

NHAN · 16/04/2012 22:58

I'm having to take a step back from helping little me to focus more on my 4 yr old. It seems he is more screwed up than I thought over the relationship I had with my ex. I'm quite scared for him really but he did break down in tears and talk to me about a few things so at least he isn't bottling so much up anymore.
It seems my mother is back in my life for now and I have mixed emotions about that. On the one hand she is going to help me get somewhere else to live so i'm free from my ex and his family, but on the other she is saying 'we won't talk about that' about my childhood.
My sister is also driving for 6 hours tonight to get here to support me with something tomorrow and driving back tomorrow night. We've never got on at all, but both her and my mother want to help protect my children.
I'm finding it really hard not to break down over the fact that they never cared about me, but I know I need to stay strong and focus on the fact its for my children.
I just hope this isn't another trick. It doesn't feel like it is but I can't completely trust them.

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 23:09

Sorry things are so tough NHAN :( What's going on with your little boy?

OP posts:
NHAN · 16/04/2012 23:22

He has imaginary friends and I think they were acting out his feelings. He kept talking about people dying and then went off to get these friends. I could here him talking to them downstairs and then he brought them up and I spoke to them, but with him answering for them. He was getting very upset
Lots of his fears came out, about moving house, losing his brother and sister etc. We talked for ages and then he got really upset about missing daddy. He is asleep in my bed now so i'm hoping littley doesn't wake him too much. I need to be his rock now but i'm not doing too well myself.

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 23:23

I'm really sorry NHAN I must head to bed. I hope someone else is around to chat to you.

I'll be around again tomorrow (as usual!) if you want to chat then.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 23:24

X-posted.

The poor little thing :(

OP posts:
TheLaminator · 16/04/2012 23:25

Oh NHAN :(
Its so sad their help only comes with conditions. But totally understand your need to accept it.
Your son wont be screwed up, hes got you. hes upset & hes crying with you, thats normal. My nearly four year old had his first real scream the park down-die into the ground-tantrum. Hes had his moments, but this was leathal. He was screaming things hed heard around the house & its been quite dark recently. I scooped him up and pushed the pram to the feilds and he just cryed and cryed for ages.
Maybe you dont have to talk with your mum about it, i know mine wont. maybe your sister will be better support?
Dont forget about yourself or let yourself be side tracked by what you mum might throw at you. Take what she has to offer, its for you and your children. dont be bullied out of the package.
Hugs if y`ll have em.

Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 23:29

Have a hug from me too NHAN, before I scoot off. To me, a mother who sits with her child and actually listens, comforts them and lets them cry is a fabulous mother. It's the type of mother I want to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 16/04/2012 23:29

Goodnight all x

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 16/04/2012 23:32

Just ended up in bits a lad DS went to school with (EBD unit) has been found guilty of abused a girl from 2006-2010 when she was just 9 makes him 12 when he started and then a young boy as well

TheLaminator · 16/04/2012 23:32

NIght CD.
I`m about for a little while, one more brew.