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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He wants to take my kids away =(

58 replies

thebubblefairy · 04/03/2012 20:15

I was with my ex for five years and we have a 3 year old DS and one year old DD.
It was a very volatile relationship, lots of verbal abuse. I finally had enough and ended it just after christmas.

He is a Turkish national and both our kids have dual nationality. Since we split he has been saying I'm an unfit mum and he will take the kids to live with him in Turkey.

Please please please tell me he can't do this?? Don't know what I'd do without my kids.

OP posts:
Sposh · 04/03/2012 20:16

Do you have passports for them? If you don't you need to apply for them now and keep them somewhere very safe where he can't get to them.

Meglet · 04/03/2012 20:19

He can't. But I think the passports idea is good.

See a solicitor (free half hour session), speak to Womens Aid or see your local Citizens Advice Bureau.

puds11 · 04/03/2012 20:20

speak to a lawyer? try and get full custody or at least an agrement that the children should stay in the uk

Original poster
thebubblefairy · 04/03/2012 20:20

Yes they have passports. I have travelled there with him a several times so his family could see the kids. He always said if we split up he would move back and now he says they are going with him and I can't stop him. I know if he does take them it will be near on impossible to get them back but how do I stop it happening in the first place?

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 04/03/2012 20:21

Er, I think he CAN just take them. Residency order is key though

Where are the passports? Speak to passport office in case he tries to apply for 'replacements'

Hulababy · 04/03/2012 20:22

Where are their passports?
Can you make sure they are not accessible to him entirely, ideally away from your own home, maybe with your parents?

What kind of access does he have to the children? Where does it take place and are you present?

piellabakewell · 04/03/2012 20:22

You need to get a residence order from the court and some urgent legal advice.

Hope it all works out for you.

LilacWaltz · 04/03/2012 20:23

Re post this in legal and see a solicitor

Something about bring able to take them out of the country for 28 days, but can't remember if it's with the order or without

You could file a prohibited steps order

Hulababy · 04/03/2012 20:23

Also - have you been to court re access or anything? You need to flag this up as a real risk but having no experience of this kind of think I am not sure who with - I am sure someone will be able to help.

foolonthehill · 04/03/2012 20:23

You can also alert UK border agency and HM Customs to block their exit at all airports, ports and international train terminals.

If you have passports for them alert the authorities to the possibility that your ex (give name etc as on passport) will apply for additional children's passports, in their own or fake names. If you don't apply yourself and inform them of the possibility of abduction.

I would do this regularly (3 monthly) so they don't fall off the watch list.

Does he have contact/overnight/unsupervised with your DCs?

izzyizin · 04/03/2012 20:24

Visit www.rightsofwomen.org.uk and call the Helpline which is staffed by female barristers and solicitors.

Also visit www.womensaid.org.uk to find your nearest branch, give them a call and ask for recommendations for solicitors in your area who specialise in family law and who offer a free half an hour initial consultation.

If you are concerned that he may snatch the dc and take them out of the country, seek advice from Women's Aid as it may be that you should give consideration to moving into a refuge or other safe place until such time as your dc have legal protection.

DollyTwat · 04/03/2012 20:24

I think you should post in legal to get some proper advice as well as seeing a solicitor quickly. I'm sure there is an emergency thing the courts can do

Original poster
thebubblefairy · 04/03/2012 20:26

He has them every weekend from friday evening to sunday morning and every other wednesday overnight on his own. Everytime I hand them over I'm terrified it's the last time I'll see them Sad but he says I can't stop him seeing them or he'll get a court order.

Passports are at my house but that's a good idea to keep them at my parents. Can he apply for replacements without my permission?

OP posts:
IvanaHumpalot · 04/03/2012 20:33

See a solicitor pronto. If you call the Law Society (London) they will give you a list of specialists in your area. You need someone who has experience/speciality of foreign national partners and children with dual nationality - not just a family law solicitor.
In the meantime get their passports, do not let your DCs go on holiday with your XP and call the passport office to inform them that they do not need replacement passports/snatch concerns. I'm sure they'll have a department for this. Likewise the ports/Eurotunnel also have a similar service. Also inform the school about pick-ups if you're worried.

NomNomNom · 04/03/2012 20:34

You need a residence order and a prohibited steps order. If you have them and he still takes them anywhere without your consent, he's committing a criminal offence. It is very important you go to see a solicitor. If it is agreed there is an abduction risk, he might not be allowed to see your DC unsupervised.

RandomMess · 04/03/2012 20:36

You definately need specific legal advice. I wonder if he can get Turkish passports for them, if so you can alert the borders agency that they do not have permission to leave the country.

Residency order is key and you need to do something that they are at risk of failure to return especially if taken out of the country Sad

CheekyChoppers · 04/03/2012 20:39

Unless you have a Residence Order or a Prohibited Steps Order then he can legally take them, at any time.

You need to speak to a solicitor first thing in the morning to seek either order from the Court - which ever is most appropriate. You will have to prove things like, how the disruption in care/ lifestyle etc will be detrimental to them, and that they are happy and settled at home in your care etc.

How much time does he currently spend caring for the children?

Original poster
thebubblefairy · 04/03/2012 20:42

Will look into these things and see about finding a solicitor in the morning. He has also threatened to harm them if I try to stop him from seeing them but I don't think he would. I haven't reported this as I'm not sure anything would be done about it. It's just my word against his.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 04/03/2012 20:43

Keep a diary of all comments - what was said, by who, date and time. If anything is done in writing (text, email, etc) keep them.

LilacWaltz · 04/03/2012 20:45

My ex threatened suicide .... Said he would take the dc with him.... Result of that is that he has zero access

Do you have proof he said that? Cafcass took it v v seriously in my case.

Heyyyho · 04/03/2012 20:48

You poor thing.

Why does he think he has the right to do this?

Original poster
thebubblefairy · 04/03/2012 20:51

No I don't have any proof unfortunately.

I have no idea why he does it. Just to hurt me I think because he wanted us to get back together and I don't.

OP posts:
Original poster
thebubblefairy · 04/03/2012 20:52

Sometimes I think about going back to him so that all this crap goes away

OP posts:
TheCrunchUnderfoot · 04/03/2012 21:00

He has threatened to hurt THEM?

Right, you need to see a solicitor PRONTO, and inform them of this threat and the need for supervised access. They should be able to advise you of how to stop access in the meantime in the most appropriate way - ie legally.

If he has threatened to hurt your - HIS OWN - children, please take it seriously. See a solicitor urgently!

BeriBlue · 04/03/2012 21:01

No no no his horrible behaviour won't go away if you go back to him!

He has threatened to harm your - his own - children. He clearly doesn't care for them in a real way. You have to keep them safe away from him.