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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get over this.

54 replies

Lifeinmess · 14/01/2012 10:23

I've name changed for this as I don't want anyone to recognise me. My h had an affair last year that had been going on for quite some time. I found hidden texts on his phone. I was slowly coming to terms with what he did and we have been working hard at repairing our marriage. I still had up and down days but we had been getting on much better in the last couple of months. I cannot forgive him but I was prepared to move on. I still check his phone and emails as I still cannot trust.

3 days ago I found emails from him to her saying that he missed her. He says that he doesn't know why he emailed her and cannot give me answers. I rang the ow and she says that there is nothing going on. She hadn't replied to any of the emails. I've thrown him out for the time being, but i just don't know what to believe. The worst thing is that they still work at the same place. I love him and want to try to make the marriage work. We're going to meet up tomorrow but im just so hurt and angry. What do I say to him to find out the truth.

OP posts:
Hattytown · 15/01/2012 00:24

I think you might get more help if you opened up a bit more on the thread Life.

Abitwobblynow · 15/01/2012 10:29

"He says that he doesn't know why he emailed her"

Yes, he does. He just knows you won't like the answer.

Abitwobblynow · 15/01/2012 10:41

Sorry, forgot to tell you: everything Hatty says.

Those questions Hatty outlined? Are the questions you need to ask. And they are questions he needs to answer.

Two books for you: 'why good people have affairs' by Myra Hirshenbaum and 'NOT just good friends' by Shirley Glass.

Good luck, don't be a walkover please. He MUST lose his family in order to decide what is important. The risk is he might not choose his family, but you can and you will survive this.

Sending you hugs.

blondemomentsahoy · 15/01/2012 11:09

How awful for you,
you did the right thing OP.

you've got advice on here.

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