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Relationships

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Original poster

Does anyone get almost uncontrollable urges to shag other men?

52 replies

Scuseme · 21/02/2011 21:25

Or is it just me?

OP posts:

TrappedinSuburbia · 21/02/2011 21:38

Yip!
Relationship pants at the moment thought, think it might be the end.

whomovedmychocolate · 21/02/2011 21:39

Umm no I don't.

And if you are married you probably should not act on those urges :)

PonceyMcPonce · 21/02/2011 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrshomersimpson · 22/02/2011 11:07

I wouldn't put it quite that strongly, but when a past relationship was making me very unhappy and unfulfilled, I did look outside it. It was about having needs (emotional, not just sexual) that were not being, and would never be, met in the relationship. It ended within a few months, but I didn't leave him for someone else.

TeacupTempest · 22/02/2011 11:16

Um no......

I can see another man and appreciate he is attractive (tis rare!), as I presume my DH does with attractive women, but thats it. Never have an urge, certainly not uncontrollably, to shag them!

TrillianAstra · 22/02/2011 11:18

Nope.

Is is a particular man that you want to shag, or just anyone who is an other man?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 22/02/2011 11:23

DH and I went through a very shaky patch about 15 years ago. I was incredibly attracted to a fellow student and a doctor I was working with. Both made it clear that they would welcome some shagage, but I was able to resist even though it was terribly hard.
I am glad I did.

muminmallorca · 22/02/2011 11:29

in the abstract yes, although I've never visualised the shagging...or the man (therein lies the problem, like another poster just dont find any attractive) so think its more of a desire to be swept away from reality, recapture that thrill of the new....without getting myself into trouble.

SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 22/02/2011 11:30

no. my husband is hot. if i want some he'd be my first choice.

Nagoo · 22/02/2011 11:30

Nope. rarely get uncontrollable urges to shag Dh though, so does that negate my vote?

EricNorthmansMistress · 22/02/2011 12:34

Yep - when my marriage was going down the shitter. I did, it wasn't worth it. I look back on my behaviour with this mental face>>> //

Conflugenglugen · 22/02/2011 12:38

Very often these urges can be linked to ovulation - especially when you're in your mid- to late 30s and early 40s.

perfumedlife · 22/02/2011 12:41

Urge makes humans sound too close to animals. No, I don't, I don't think I ever did, even when single. Of course I would think, phwoar, he's a dish or handsome but I don't think I ever had an 'urge' to tear a strangers clothes off and bonk them, no.

Maybe something wrong with me.

LittleHouseByTheRiver · 22/02/2011 12:54

I'm with Eric

Happened to me, woke me up to marriage gone horribly wrong so I left. Wish I had behaved better.

joanne34 · 22/02/2011 13:12

No i dont. Even when Im annoyed with dp for something.

DumSpiroSpero · 22/02/2011 13:31

My relationship is not 100% at the mo and I have been fantasising about shagging someone else on a pretty much daily basis. That said the person in question is totally unattainable - I don't get that urge with 'real' men very often - maybe a couple of times in the last 5 years?

We're all different though, I wouldn't worry about it unless you think you're likely to jeopardise your relationship by acting on it and you don't want to.

FlouryBap · 22/02/2011 13:45

i would love in principle to disagree with everyone here and say you can have these urges and be in a relationship, but I have to say my experience is similar to many here. when going through a rough spot I ramp up the sexual fantasising about men i know, and when happy don't.

however, you can be different!

SuchProspects · 22/02/2011 14:04

Not uncontrollable urges, but I do sometimes lament that it's not possible to both sleep around and be monogamous. I miss having the freedom to pursue sex with others. But I have chosen monogamy and I do not regret it.

flooziesusie · 22/02/2011 14:16

no, but I do dream about naughty stuff with a particular person... i don't even fancy him in rl. The dreams are MINDBLOWING.

LadyBlaBlah · 22/02/2011 18:07

I agree about the ovulation thing - I am literally a different person mid cycle and get mad crushes on random men.

It tires me out trying to control it.

AgeingGrace · 22/02/2011 18:28

I used to! Right up until my late forties, when it got worse/better (I miss it). Agree with those who said it gets stronger around ovulation; my cycles were very irregular, but I could predict my period by counting forward from my horniest week

Thanks to the ovary issues, I ended up seeing a consultant endocrinologist for several years - it was fascinating. Apparently I had high (not abnormal) levels of one kind of testosterone, which brought several benefits and a few oddnesses. We experimented with a medication that reduces this hormone and, hey presto, I became more 'feminine' in my libido. There were advantages to each hormonal state, but it was quite fun having all those urges.
Just don't act on them too often! :)

Ormirian · 22/02/2011 18:32

No!

Most men are OK but too fat, too thin, nose too big, eyebrows too bushy, have annoying personal tics, irritating table manners, sniff too much, don't pick their feet up, wear horrible shirts etc..... for me to even consider wanting to get that close.

Oddly for a period of about 5 years I had the most horrendous crushes on certain men. Who weren't exactly god's gift usually. But only those men, not all men, or even most men.

Pollo · 23/02/2011 02:24

Sorry, it's been so long that I know shagging was good but can't remember why. Nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy, some of us have to try to be content with that. Thank your lucky stars you are getting some!

GotArt · 23/02/2011 02:35

I wouldn't cheat on DH but definitely have thought recently, 'My god, I've been sleeping with the same man for 20 years!' Pregnancy makes me horny and having a toddler has made sex rather predictable and forced in the last two years. I really can't bare having sex in bed and at night before going to sleep... most times its a strain just to stay awake for him to get home. We got pregnant on vacation... DD was asleep in the car and we ripped one off in the sand pit.

Slur · 23/02/2011 02:42

Sure, isn't that one of the perks of hormones..? We have to often manage the less than positive pmt, frankly I appreciate the rise in 'almost uncontrollable urges' as offsetting that.

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