The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 1)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Bus. I'm Mouseface and I used to abuse alcohol and to be honest, there is always a risk that I'll do it again.

This is a bus journey for those who drink too much, or drink now and then, not at all, or actually aren't quite sure what their drinking means to them.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, everyone is welcome.

Here is the history so far -

Thread 15

Thread 14

Thread 13

Thread 12

Thread 11

Thread 10

Thread 9

Thread 8

Thread 7

Thread 6

Thread 5

Thread 4

Thread 3

Thread 2

JWN's original thread

Going to find my bed Brave Babes.

I've not lost it, I just to crawl into it and sleep for ages.

Hope you all have peaceful nights xxxx

Hello all

Thurso - big hug! I'm breaking my don't-post-when-drinking protocol just to say please try not to worry.

I had a lump in my breast early in the year. Like you, it seemed from one moment to the next to appear. I was referred for an ultrasound and it was fine, totally benign.

Just wanted to let you know if there was a chance it would mean you worried less, I'm sure you'll be fine [hug emoticon]

Flying visit as I'm too tempted to post pissed if I hang around, but just wanted to provide some reassurance

take care everyone xx

hello babes!!, just a quickie, been asleep most of teh evening, dont know why, i just think the last couple of weeks are catching up with me

thurso, its goes without saying that i wish you well - i have been in a similar position, very very scary and being the drama queen i am, i planned my funeral!, what a prat eh! , trouble is, when you're in it, all this stupid stuff goes round in your head - the others are right, for gods sake dont google!! - sounds like things are a bit shit all round at the moment, please stay with us, im sure we all would like to try and support you as much as we can!! take care lovley!!!

Thurso (bold) thinking of you wrt Tuesday, but I think about you a fair bit anyway. I had some (absolutely fucking incredibly painful) treatment for an abnormal smear twice about 5 years ago. Result: all clear, but didn't go for a smear for years. Went for one this March. Couldn't believe that it was fine. So, I am no example for you, coming from the ostrich school of health.

I once went for a mammogram, and the doctor came to tell me that I couldn't have a mammogram, (cue me planning the hymms) because my mammaries are too small. So I had to have something else, can't remember exactly but they told me it was much more expensive. And that was fine, and not painful. This was all before I joined mn, or I would have come straight on here. I have had some great advice on mn. Purplepeony was my saviour in another panic which has actually turned out to be fairly shit, but there you go.

morning!!

wasindi!, how many times do i need to tell you?

today i am mostly sorting out the tip we live in!, the last couple of weeks all we seem to have done is come in, make a bit more mess and then go out again - so, today is teh big tidy up, the christmas decoration row (he ALWAYS looses it at some point in the proccedings! , its almost as traditional as christmas now, a bit like the 'packing to go away' row! )tehn guess what?, yep!, we are going to a party tonight! , oh i love this time of year!!, its funny though, i was laying in bed last night having a think, (like you do) about last christmas and the fair few before, anyway, my drinking ALWAYS escalated about now, i think i felt i had almost been given permission to get totally wasted, after all, wasnt everyone else doing it?, the thing is, i never really dropped the amount back down again, i would have a few tonics in january and kid myself i was 'detoxing' when in fact i was drinking ever more huge amounts, tbh, the amount i would drink in january would then set the tone for the rest of the year - the stupid thing is that i would then worry about my drinking all year, make 'deals' with myself that i would then fail to keep, worry some more, make another 'deal', and so it went on - looking back at it makes me feel exhausted - all that time and energy spent thinking, doing, thinking, worrying, doing - god, what a waste of time! - i feel so calm now, no more 'deals', no more worrying etc, just the first decision of the day

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

that now sets the tone for the day, fill the day with stuff, (not always plesant stuff, afterall, the loos still have to be cleaned etc.) - at the end of each day now, i have a quick inventory in my head, i have a quick flit through of the things i have done, things that i enjoy, that make me feel kind of grounded and serene - its a lovley feeling and im not sure if i have ever enjoyed life more - dont get me wrong, i still remember the times when drinking was fun, when i had huge laughs, did daft things - its a shame in way that those days are gone, if i could recreate them i proberbly would, my drinking had gone waaaay past the fun stage though, so i'll just keep some of the 'good' memories and enjoy what i have now!

sorry, mega post and i have no bloody idea where its going!

i'll see you later babes, off to send dh up into the attic! ohh, this should be good!!

Hi JWN nice post - we're also doing decorations here. But we're also still having the bathroom renovated (taking a bloody age because all the deliveries got caught up in the snowy stuff) so the decorations will probably be covered in fine plaster dust.

wasindie shall I send my dh over to join you? He drank too much wine and port last night, he got up for a strong coffee and paracetamol this morning and has now gone back to bed, covering his eyes against the light and trying to tell me that his headache is worse than a hangover, so perhaps it's a migraine. Yeah, yeah, yeah - funny that he has never suffered from migraine before Oh sorry, was I supposed to be sympathetic? He's got 2 hours to recover, then the Annie Lennox Christmas carol music is going on - loud.

Morning Brave Babes.

Off to the Christmouse market here later today. I will be sampling a small glass of gluvine or mulled wine. It's a Mouse tradition. I may even treat myself to a german sausage! Ooo-er!!

Even though our tree is up etc, I never really feel truly festive until we've been to the market.

We've been to Birmingham and Manchester in the past. This one is nearer to home now that we have Nemo to consider.

thurso - I hope that you are as okay as you can be, you are in my thoughts. xx

How are we all today?

JWN - I know what you mean about tidying the house. I need to blitz this place. There is 'stuff' everywhere and none of it is mine!!! Drives me nuts!!!!!!

(It used to drive me to drink)

X posted.

Morning Wasindie and venus.

venus - 2 hours? Lucky man!! Loving the 'it's more than a hangover line! My DH tries that one. Pha.

Wasindie - I am always amazed that you can get up with a hangover. It's a very very long time since I've been hungover but I know that it would kill me now.

Compared to sober mornings, a hungover Mouse would be a non functioning one!!

I'm feeling a bit unnerved by how christmas-y I am feeling this year, not my usual style at all. Not sure if it is the part of the general 'lightness' I feel now that I am sober? I think JWN and Venus are right - there are so many plans and decisions to be made at this time of the year, the relief of not having to 'plan' my drinking makes life easier to manage.
Have done the tree, and on with the cleaning now

BBB - if your shops are like are shops, they are hell on earth!!!

I know what you mean about feeling Christmasy and unnerved.

This time last year we were wondering if we'd be planning a funeral or celebrating Nemo's first Christmas.

Not my favourite time of year by far but I have decided that this year, I am kicking doom and gloom into touch, they can bugger right off and we're going to celebrate big time!!

We have a lot to be thankful for. Things could have been very different but they aren't, so we're making the most of it!!

Still makes me wibble to think about this time last year but I'm going to push through it.

Without the aid of alcohol!

Our not are. Doh!

ok - ive done it!!, house is clean, decs are up, all looking sparkly and wonderful, and only 1 small argument! (he loathes putting them up!), im now off to get ready for party tonight, need to do my nails etc.

JWN

Have a wonderful evening you glamour puss you! I bet your house looks amazing and I'm sure you will too xx

Well, I survived the crowds at the Christmas market. Tried Mulled Cider, which was a bit sour but as they had no Mulled Wine, it was the next best thing.

It was very pretty and there were lots of nice handmade things! I could've spent a small fortune there!

Only one hiccup - parking.

I hold a blue badge for my disability and some woman decided to challenge DH on why he parked in a disabled spot by waving her badge furiously at him, as he reversed.

So he showed her mine. It was like a game of blue badge snap!

Did she apologise? Did she buggery.

Anyway, we got to out as a family! All of us together for two whole hours! It was wonderful.

Well, I definitely messed up at the end of the week. Alcohol figured, as did too much time with relatives.

But - we are in our new house today. 2 days with no alcohol. I am definitely an alcoholic. I cannot have that first drink. I know that, but somehow seemed to need to remind myself. Babysitters are booked so I can get to AA Tuesday and Thursday so I have a plan for this week.

This house has heating that works, lots of space, and I hope this really is my new start. Came close to drinking on this the first night here, and managed to say, no, today, I will not have a drink. Tomorrow will have to take care of itself when I get there.

Going to do some online Christmas shopping and head to bed early.

thurso thinking of you, it must be so scary, I hope you get some answers on Tuesday.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

noteven - well done on not having that drink. It would hve been so easy, and so much nicer that so far every morning in your new place, you have woken up without a hangover.

The normally serene venus was distinctly un-serene today. I was so pissed off at dh for laying in bed looking mournful, not helping with any of the stuff that needed done, not doing any of his christmas shopping or getting/writing his cards. And I know that next week he'll be stressing about not having enough time, and I'll probably end up stepping in to help him out. It felt like such a waste of time, waste of a lovely bright sunny day, when we could / should have been out and about together, and instead he was like death warmed up until about 4pm (when of course it was too late to do anything). Now of course he is being all 'little boy lost' Gah! Drinking / Hangovers, what a fucking waste of time. Of course, I do realise that I have incredible double standards - there is no way I could even start to count up the number of days / opportunities that I have wasted. I am angry at myself for that wasted time. Not today though, and not tomorrow.

anyone still about?

mmmh

feck it then - I'm off to bed you bunch of sober beautiful babes - see you all in the morning . xxx

Night Silver.

Evening - sorry to post. We out for dinner tonight and had my first panic attack for 13 days (haven't drank or smoked in 13 days) I drank a large glass of wine in about 30 seconds to try and control the attack but had to leave the restaurant. I feel so bad as I was with my son - he didn't know what was going on but thought I felt ill. God I feel such a fuck up. We got home and let him stay up to watch X factor. He went to bed and I think I drank another 4 glasses of wine (it was from a box of wine so I don't know how much exactly) I hate myself. My only redeeming feature is that I didn't smoke.

Thur I have everything crossed for you.

Donot, what have you done, if anything, to address your panic attacks? Neither panic attacks nor alcohol addiction are diseases, and to think they are takes away your own power to deal with them both. I have had panic attacks, but I think I just grew out of them. Which is not to belittle them. Have you tried cognitive-behavioural therapy?

You had a panic attack, which contributed to yyou drinking tonight, and now you say you hate yourself. You have to break this cycle, and you have to make an effort to do tthat. 'I hate myself', is making you feel worse.

I hope you are doing something nice to yourself now, like putting a pint of water beside your bed, etc. And do not apologise for posting.