The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 1)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Bus. I'm Mouseface and I used to abuse alcohol and to be honest, there is always a risk that I'll do it again.

This is a bus journey for those who drink too much, or drink now and then, not at all, or actually aren't quite sure what their drinking means to them.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, everyone is welcome.

Here is the history so far -

Thread 15

Thread 14

Thread 13

Thread 12

Thread 11

Thread 10

Thread 9

Thread 8

Thread 7

Thread 6

Thread 5

Thread 4

Thread 3

Thread 2

JWN's original thread

And I think that people come on here and want help or advice on cutting down or controlling their drinking, who might be put off. (My own personal feeling is that if one is going to obsess about controlled drinking, one might as well not drink at all, because too much mental space is taken up).

Red: don't do anymore long posts in one go. Break them up because it is indeed pretty annoying to suddenly lose them.

MIFLAW - I don't remember you upsetting LittleRedDragon

Leaving it now. Sorry.

Did mean to say "passionate about your own sobriety" MIFLAW, my issue with some of your posts is that you tend to take things literally without giving thought to the fact that people have different ways of expressing themselves!

To explain a bit better MILFAW sometimes it feels like you focus on a particular sentence or part of a sentence and pull it apart!

"Miflaw, you are a valuable source of information and experience. What worked for you might not work for everyone. Because it worked for you, or for Mouse, or for Thurso, or for Wasindie, is no law for anyone else."

Of course it isn't. It might not work at all.

But I'm not a doctor and so I'm not in a position to give people advice that I can't back up. I'm not going to say, "I think you should cut down" because, in my experience, for a problem drinker it is a shit idea and brings misery and failure - and because they have already tried it a hundred times. I'm not going to say, "yes, it was probably a good idea to drink when you were sad" because, again, I think it is a bad idea if someone has a drink problem. Everyone here is an adult - if they disagree, that is not something I have control over. But, by the same token, I am not obliged to agree with them.

All I can do is offer advice on what worked for me.

What I do with alcoholism is what similar to I did last week when people were stuck in the snow. I helped dig them out; I gave them a push; I told them what had worked for me or what I had seen work for others ("maybe put it in third instead of first and it will go").

I'm not saying that's the only way to move a car that's not getting any traction on snow and ice; but I'm not going to advise people to do what I think is a rubbish idea (one bloke said to me, "maybe if I turn round and reverse up the hill it will work better?" I said it was up to him but it sounded like a bad idea to me.)

Hi all! Wow, this thread is moving fast, missed lots last night! I didn't drink and, predictably, slept through until mid-day.

The sleeping is the worst thing - does it even out in the end?

mouse - best wishes for nemo.
MIFLAW has apologized and it is all best left, I think.

forthe - you're kind to be interested in the thesis but honestly it isn't that exciting!

rachel - hi again! If you're needing an alcohol substitute that's not tea, elderflower cordial is nice?

Everything I say starts from the premise that I am nothing special. I used to have a serious drink problem, to the point that a doctor warned me I might not see 30 (I am 37 in February.) I was not a tramp, or a criminal, or even unemployed; I just drank immensely and insanely.

I then stopped drinking and took a look at what might be behind my drinking.

As a result, I am now sober, happy to be sober, and no longer have a drink problem.

That is my only qualification for offering comment or advice to anyone, be it here, in AA or on a park bench.

All the advice I do offer is based on things that have happened to me or that I have seen happen to others.

Other people doubtless have equally good advice to offer.

I think it's more than fair to say that, if anyone wants to cut down or control their drinking, my advice may not be very useful; unless you are kidding yourself about your capacity to cut down or control, just as I used to do until I stopped.

Anyone who can make cutting down work, that is brilliant news for you. But I couldn't, so I don't presume to recommend it, especially for people who remind me of me.

LRD

Congratulations on not drinking.

Yes, if you stay off the drink, the sleep soon puts itself right.

In the mean time, you will come to no lasting harm from not sleeping - I know you know this already, but sometimes it's good to remind yourself of that fact when it's 2 in the morning and you have a racing brain or when, conversely, you oversleep the next morning.

Thanks for the advice on sleeping - it doesn't bother me, just means little gets done!

If I may say, MIF, I think the problem for me is that although you know you're starting from the premise that your advice is nothing special, it doesn't always come across. I had rather forgotten your posting style.

I appreciate anyone's advice, but I think value judgments are tricky.

I proofread a thesis on the shepherd metaphor in Vergil, so I am almost unboreable.

(I am ill today, by the way, and I am not getting sympathy from any quarter)

proof-read?
proofread?
proof read?

(eek)

A lot of what I post is probably a waste of everyone's time if I'm honest.

I start from this premise - "I had about three years of absolute and steadily increasing misery which, in hindsight, I can attribute almost completely to my relationship with alcohol - and that was on top of untold wasted opportunities and complications in the five years preceding that. What did I need to hear during those three years - or even those five years - to save mysefl all that heartache?"

And then I post that.

But would i have listened to me?

No - I'd have told me to fuck off and mind my own business. Or I'd have thanked me condescedingly and gone on my merry way, convince that that was fine for some people, but my situation was different. Because my life was shit with alcohol - how shit was it going to be without it?

So, frankly, I am amazed if anyone ever takes any notice of me on this subject - and, if they do, I assume it to be solely for the same reason that I eventually listened - because I was sick and tired of bweing sick and tired, and also because the person speaking was speaking from experience and yet seemed to have come out smiling the other side.

Sorry you're not well frothe

Not nice when you are ill and everyone ignores it. xx

frothe?? Who's that!!!

Sorry - forthe

Going to throw something out there .... I believe that men and women drink for differing reasons and that maybe they have differing approaches to achieving sobriety.
Women who drink are frowned on more than men.

Sorry you are not feeling the best Forthe :(

That is very true, dtc. When a mner contacted an alcohol charity to ask for help with her drinking, they informed social services, who got in touch with her. It came up on a thread ages ago, and it was agreed ( that if it was a Father having a few beers at home whilst looking after baby, it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow.

Oh, forthe, sorry you're feeling rotten.

desire - that's a very interesting thought.

I am merry, he is having a few beers, she is binge drinking.

Thank you.

Desire

My own personal view is that, when it comes to problem drinking, men and women are very similar, but the WAY they drink can be very different.

For example, I was a very "public" drinker and, as a man, this was fine - I could drink a lot in pubs and I rarely got chucked out. Most women would have been villified.

But on the other hand, I ended up in some rough pubs. Had I gone to some nightclubs ands cocktail bars and drunk like some women I saw, I would have been asked to leave and they would have stayed because the (probably worng) assumption would have been that they were "letting their hair down" on a hen night. Similarly, it is much more acceptable for women to drink absolutely shedloads of spirits, as long as mixers are involved - a man would probably buy it on its own and get branded an alkie long before the woman.

desire - spot on re men and women.

And it's totally shit.

Hi all, just checking in as this is a real 'trigger' time for me, when the kids are asleep.

Can't believe how fast the thread moves!

Interesting points of view.

I heard a pretty depressing piece on R4 this morning. Women lung cancer patients were a tenth of male (can't remember how many) years ago; now it is equal. Maybe the male/female ratio of park bench inhabitants will even out, too.

Off to physio. Will catch up again later.