The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 1)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Bus. I'm Mouseface and I used to abuse alcohol and to be honest, there is always a risk that I'll do it again.

This is a bus journey for those who drink too much, or drink now and then, not at all, or actually aren't quite sure what their drinking means to them.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, everyone is welcome.

Here is the history so far -

Thread 15

Thread 14

Thread 13

Thread 12

Thread 11

Thread 10

Thread 9

Thread 8

Thread 7

Thread 6

Thread 5

Thread 4

Thread 3

Thread 2

JWN's original thread

Awwww poor Red, why not re-post it in parts? Drank last night and kicking myself this morning (know Allen Carr says you can continue drinking while reading his book but I didn't intend doing that). Definitely going to have to reassess visiting friend who has same problem with drink that I have.

desire when are you meant to be going to see friend? I had a few drinks last night, was not drunk but still feel really shitty today. So busy at work too so it was bloody stupid. No change there then!!

Visited her last night Red, so queue red wine

Ah right desire I see. Might be worth avoiding her company for a bit until you feel more able for it?

I am sincerely glad that some people find my posts useful - I am often in two minds whether to post stuff that might seem harsh, and many other times what I do post has been, shall we say, "redrafted" before it hits the screen.

FWIW the stuff I criticise in others is stuff that I recognise from my own behaviour. That's how I KNOW it's silly, because I've done it. I do understand that it may still be unwelcome - but at least it's honest, relevant and well-intentioned, if that makes anyone feel any better. As the saying goes, "you can't kid a kidder."

I also tend to err on the side of offence because, though I am a fervent believer in problem drinkers helping and supporting each other, I would not like to kill anyone with kindness. The danger is, you see, that, unlike the people I see in AA, I don't know you in RL. So when someone says, "I've had two drinks, is that okay?" I can't tell if it is or not. Or if it's really only two drinks. Or if it's two halves of lager or two treble vodkas or even two cans of Spesh. Or if you are emailing from your front room or via your iPhone on a bus, without the fare home, in a district or town you don't even recognise. So my safe answer would be, "no, probably not."

And I also can't tell if you are a problem drinker who needs to cut down a bit after Xmas or a problem drinker like me who, every time they drink, is essentially gambling their chances of seeing their next birthday due to poor decisions and insane behaviour. Again, I assume it's the latter and post accordingly - especially as that person may not be aware that it is the latter rather than the former (I know I never was, even when I crossed a railway track at night to go and sleep in the station building because I had missed my stop.) I hate seeing alcoholics die of their illness, whether they drink on the street, in their front rooms or in the best London restaurants.

I know, however, that this means I will offend some people or misunderstand the situation and I don't like that either.

So sorry if you're one of the ones I've upset - but, if I've said or done anything to help you, I'm just glad.

Morning Brave Babes.

I have skimmed through the thread so I'm sorry if I have missed anything 'big' out, quick catch up so far.............

Rachel - hello. Lovely to have you on the bus. I have read your posts and I like the way you are looking at this. The Allergy Technique! I hope that we can give you all the support you need to get there.

noteven - Nemo has GDD (Global Developmental Delay) and has been told the same by his army of carers, he will catch up in time and when he is ready.

His Paed Consultant says that by the time most children are at school, they are all level with one another.

Of course Nemo has loads more to deal with in terms of LD/SN but I'm optimistic that they are right.

How old is your DD? Did the move go ok??

Bianca - Your posts have been really sad of late. Understandably so. Your DH is emotionally abusing you (and verbally) and you are dealing with it so well.

Even though you know this 'only happens when he's drinking', it must stay with you, in your heart, even when he's not.

There is only one long term solution to this if he doesn't stay true to his word, you end the marriage.

No-one should have to live like you do when he drinks, children or not. This isn't the thread for me to go into detail about my past but if you ever want to talk to me off board, please, please PM me.

I hope that your DH does kick the booze. Not for you, not because he thinks he needs a break from it but because of HE is when he drinks. He needs to do this for himself, like we all do.

Please take care of yourself and let him get on with it. No hand holding. He has to want to change. The very fact that he doesn't remember (blanked out or alcohol related) frightens me.

The fact that he has to ask you how he treated you when he was drunk is shocking.

desire - how are you holding up? I've been worried about you.

Silver - how is the not drinking going so far?

Red - hey you. How's life with the XH? And DP? Stiil loved up?

Zany - NG. The more I think about him and the situation the more my Mouse senses say stay far far away.

Only because I know how much you like him. He's just not ready to be settled yet. I know I have never met the guy so can't say for sure but I get the impression that he has always called the shots.

With his wife (he left her and had the affair) and then with this other woman, that control was taken away from him, she was seeing other people behind his back.

So he'll be all over the place at the minute. Best left alone until he settles again. So, if any of that made sense, friends -> lovers -> who knows but taken really slowly with no secrets.

If you do take it further in the future, you need to lay it all out to him. What is acceptable and what's not. Tell him why you feel like that, (he cheated on his wife) etc.

Shutting up now, hope your tattoo is ok!!!

JWN - I hope that all business is booming!! You seem to be working really hard at the moment, I hope it all pays off.

10 years younger eh?? I bet you do too. It's amazing how much better my skin is, my hair, my eyes are brighter and the weight loss too...... all a real bonus to giving up abusing my body with booze.

Right, off to catch up some more.......

Sorry for mamouth post.

mouse hello lovely!!

MIFLAW I, for one, find your posts informative and relevant. They don't offend me and you have directed some of your strong words to me in the past!

MIFLAW - I second what Red has said. And will add that whilst you are a right vicious cowbag when you want to be, you are usually (not 100% of the time) right but you are only ever trying to help.

LRD - I have missed something I think. What was it that MIFLAW said to you to upset you?

I saw your post asking/telling him to give it a rest but I'm not sure what that post was in response to??

You were LittleRedDragon IIRC? Was the offending post to you when you had that MN name?

I hope you will keep posting, it was nice to see your name on here again.

Still catching up.............

Morning

How is Nemo doing Mouse. You are right about NG, I want to still see him but only as friends until his head is more sorted out, for all I know he may get back together with the other woman. He does seem to have been very honest with me so far (unless he is just a charmer/lier and lets be honest I'm not good at spotting them) but will just stay friendly for a while so don't worry I am keeping my distance, hard though as I do like him alot.

With regards to 'upsetting' posts on here I think that when someone posts something, from what I've seen both to myself and others, people are only posting to help and because they care - not to offend.

Tattoo is doing fine thanks

How are you doing Nomore?

Mouse or anyone, how do I do bold type? I see the asterisk, but it is on the top right, next to the right bracket.

Its the asterisk above the number 8 and you put it at the beginning and end of the word

)
When I press shift and the 8, I get a right bracket.

Is there a secret other shift key for top right symbols?

Zany - I just think that whilst you really like him, and keeping space between you is going to be hard, he needs time to get this other woman and his wife too, out of his system if both relationships are truly over.

You know that and that's great. Just putting it into practice is the hard part!!!

Friends is good. That's how I ended up with DH. He was going through a really shit break up. He has his own recruitment compnay and I was job hunting.

We were friends for a long time before I told him I'd fallen in love with him. I knew what was happeneing in his private life through mutual friends so kept my distance.

Eventually, his ex left the house, cleared him out cash wise and fecked off. She was having an affair.

The rest is a very, very happy history.

I did upset LittleRedDragon, yes.

Had no idea that Loud was the same person but nevertheless upset her too.

Apologised to both.

Forthe - Look for the asterix *. Try the function key or your control key if shift doesn't work.

MIFLAW - thanks. I just didn't remember that happening. I'm glad it's all sorted.

Nemo - well, he's back to his usual self!! Luckily his cold has completely gone now but we won't have any results from the tests until the Gastro Cons has had a chance to look over them.

The ward is closed to admissions, they have no staff adn are two doctors down as it is so I doubt we'll hear anytime soon.

I've stopped all his meds though as they just don't work. At all. Which makes me query reflux big time.

If it is reflux, we are looking at surgery because the meds never work.

If it's not reflux. we are looking at surgery to stop the vomiting and more exploring as to why he is sick all the time.

And I've picked up a tummy bug from the ward.

I feel like this ->

))))))

Doesn't matter, just wanted to see how asteriskNomoreasterisk was.

Are you on a "regular" computer Forthe, if you are use the asterix key on the right hand number pad.
Hiya Mouse great to have you back and sorry you are feeling yucky:(
Miflaw we have had a couple of run-ins but I understand that you are passionate about sobriety!

Don't remember what happening?

On both occasions I said that I was sorry if I had caused offence (I think - I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.)

Miflaw, you are a valuable source of information and experience. What worked for you might not work for everyone. Because it worked for you, or for Mouse, or for Thurso, or for Wasindie, is no law for anyone else.
It might be good for you, or for Rachel (Rachel, are you ok with that name, or do you want to change it to something less identifiable, if that is your real name?) to imagine that alcohol is an allergy or a disease, but it isn't, and it may not be helful to tell people that it is. One thing I am sure about is the power of suggestion, and I would hate anyone to seek help here and pick up notions that have no basis in science or truth. If someone is led to believe that they have an allergy or illness that they can't control, then they may have one drink, one day, after a period of abstinence, and feel they might as well polish off a bottle of spirits, because they believe they can't help it due to illness.

(posting this now before it disappears)

"you are passionate about sobriety" - TBH, I'm not. I'm very happy in MY sobriety but am aware that, for the vast majority of the population, sobriety is distinctly overrated.

I am, however, very keen on not seeing people suffer, because it happened to me. If I think someone is doing what I used to do, I will tell them that and then (because I don't like to criticise unless I've got a better idea) I will tell them what I needed to do to put it right (which I did through AA but which would, I'm sure. work equally well if you could find another way to do it.) If I'm wrong, they can tell me so, or just ignore me; if I'm right, I may have helped save them from insanity, death or just a miserable life of constant hard knocks.

For me, that's win-win.