Is rural life kiddy-compatible?

[AnnaFish]

Hi all. We're looking for a new home and have seen one that fits the bill absolutely perfectly. Only trouble is, it's slap bang in the middle of the countryside, 4 miles from town. There are no pavements, no safe roads to walks on and no local shop. The junior school is a short car drive away; in fact, you'd pretty much need to get in the car to go anywhere.

I'm a total townie and have never lived in such a rural spot and we're hoping this next move will be our last. We have one daughter who is two and aren't planning any more kids.

Can anyone advise me whether it's possible to bring up a little one happily in such a secluded spot?

Hmm...obviously it depends on what you're after but on balance I'd say no.

We live in semi ruraldom, houses around us, but surrounded by trees, on the edge of a very small town, fields just up the lane and it's a very safe place to bring up young children; probably will want to move in part for better schools/more activities for them when they are older. But complete isolation? It will be tricky to make and maintain friends, that's for you and for her, no casual playing out but always having to be arranged, trips always by car. One of the pleasures of my day is walking the children to and fro from school.

Could you hold out for a village location instead?

I certainly hope so as we are 'going rural' in two weeks with a 17 month old son. I have always been a townie albeit an on the edge of a small townie.

I think it depends on what you value. If it is proximity to facilities/shops/public transport then it might not be a good idea or it might take some adjustment. Plus car fuel costs aren't going to go down in the long term.

I think a lot more effort will be needed to meet people and it will be more difficult to avoid people you don't get on with.

Will your DD meet people through nursery or are there any playgroups you can take her too? That way maybe she can make some friends.

We're in the countryside with a 3yr and 11 months old, I'm from the city so I know exactly how you feel, I still can't believe there's no safe roads that cars have taken over everywhere, but it depends on what you want, clean air and peace is priceless.

That said we might move to a town or smallish city soon!

As far as bringing up a little one in such a secluded spot, my dh grew up where we are right now, and he certainly benefited from being pretty much left to himself with no pressures, it meant he developed a lot of intrests - painting, reading, writing, from a very young age, he was never bored, I suppose it depends on the child, but I think children are starved for space to be themselves these days.

My personal opinion is that it can be nice for the kids at the total expense of the parents' life and interests. Any activity for your daughter will involve one or other of you driving her there, waiting, and driving her back. That's school, visiting friends, having music lessons, going to extra revision classes, playing in a school team - literally, every activity will mean that you have to be there too. A friend of mine does this and I actually don't think it's particularly good for their family life, as it's meant that she's had to give up her own hobbies to drive the children places.

Four miles from town is very little if the roads are safe for cycling and if you have a regular reliable bus service, but it's a lot if they aren't.

it sounds perfect to me... but ds (15) would probably leave home!!

how old are your children? how long are you thinking of living there?

I think it is.We currently live in a very small town[village] and we can walk to the shops now.But while waiting to move into our current house we rented a gorgeous cottage in the countryside with our eldest [then 18 mths] 3 miles up the road.It was a bit of a shock after birmingham but my dd loved it.Yes you do have to be more organised and make more effort to invite people round but after initial resistance people are friendlier. In my area there were several playgroups and nurseries to take dd1 to.Our local school is brilliant - better than the private schools we sent our kids to when we lived overseas.You might be a bit lonely at first but persevere and you will soon make friends.Having a young dd helps too.In 'town' everybody knows everyone and you always see someone you can chat to .We thought we were only going to have 1 child too so it was important to us that she grew up in a small community.[Then we ended up having 4 kids].So go for it!.

Yes, we are loving it but it is where I grew up.

We live in a small village, we have a tiny village shop which will close next year , a pub and a school (tiny school). We love living in the country, at the moment our dd's are still young but i feel it is safer here for them then in as town, there are no gangs of teens hanging around, no druggys or drunks hanging around and its friendly (people look out for each other and people always say 'hello' when your walking around the village).

I grew up in a house like that, in the sticks. We moved there from a nice estate near a small town when I was 9 and 6yr old sibling.

I hated it, need to arrange a lift to see any friends, couldn't do anything spontaneously after school, when I started going out I had to pay a fortune for a taxi home with no one to split the costs

Bought my own house and still, 8 yrs on, get a thrill from getting a chinese delivered, walking to a corner shop for emergency milk etc. But a 2 yr old would not know what they are missing I suppose.

On the plus side we had a big garden and got dogs/cats/chickens etc. But I would not choose an isolated house for us, as a family.

I live rurally without a shop, nearest school 2 miles away, nearest town about 10 miles away.

I dont think it is good to be honest. I grew up in a very rural location and loved it but the roads were so much safer that we used to bike to the sea, river, woods etc. As teenagers my parents became a total taxi service in the car every night.

We never bike anywhere now after one too many near misses, so if we want to bike we load them on the car and go towards town! Already we are a taxi service for after school clubs, swimming, friends houses etc.

Our life is ruled by the car and the children hate it.

I personally think life in a lovely village with shop and school would be perfect. But too rural and I think it is hard work.

I lived very rurally, 15 miles from a shop or school.

Good in the summer, crap in the winter, ok with little kids, rubbish once they start school and want to do things.

Now I live in Glasgow, I'd never move back before the kids could drive themselves!

I live on the edge of a very small rural town - it's perfect tbh. You can walk to the shops/pub/community cinema/takeaway/swimming pool/youth club, but turn the other way, and I'm in totally open fields in under 5 minutes.

I grew up in a similar area with friends who lived in isolated houses, and they couldn't even do after school clubs without making huge arrangements to be picked up, and as teenagers it was a bit of a nightmare as you couldn't do anything without parental cooperation

My poor children are now beginning to suffer for being rural. They cant do after school clubs as I cant hang around for them after school unless they all do one on the same day (no point driving home and then back half an hour later!) - but of course being a rural school it is small and therefore there are not clubs for all ages each day!!!

Also they cant spontaneously have friends over as parents are just not willing to make the journeys if they have small children to get to bed etc. I run children back to homes as often as I can but there is a limit.

They cant play out as we dont get told when the fields have been crop sprayed so its too risky. The roads are so fast and dangerous as not many footpaths and even those that are there are regularly driven on as people get past wide tractors!

Id agree with weegiemum - good with little children who are happy to play in garden, go for a walk with adults etc. Crap for older children who want to play with friends after school.

I live in a rural location and "pretty much need to get in the car to go anywhere" where I live. It is no biggie. But we have a large garden for them to run around in and their friends tend to come to play at ours or vice versa (no concept of playing 'in the street'). The children don't miss out.

AFAIC my driving them to post school activities etc is no different to the circumstances of many surburban mums, who tend to act as taxis for dropping their kids off at various activities such as brownies, swimming etc. Living in 'town' is no guarantee of the proximity of child centered activities.

My children love walks in the nearby woods etc - living in the country confers a feeling of freedom that street lights and neighbours living cheek by jowl in each others pockets, does not. Personally I'd hate to live in a Barrett home prison camp.

Note I contradict myself on my two posts re after school clubs - two of my dds did do them but it became too much driving and hanging around and I had to stop it.

Thank you all so much for your responses. They were all so honest and really helpful.

I think I'm veering more towards the idea of living in the town tbh; it's a pretty small-ish town anyway, so shouldn't be huge drink/drugs issues and at least we wouldn't be tied by the car for every outing.

I'm not worried for myself at all; I've got a small but lovely circle of friends and am already involved in various toddler groups in the area. I think it might work really well now; it's more the future I'm concerned about. As lots of you said, it's the clubs, the friends, the activities. Plus my dd is really shy and clingy, so encouraging her to step out a bit and get involved more might become a priority - much easier if things are on my doorstep and mum's not constantly hanging around maybe.

Thank you all again so much for your help. I wish we could pick this gorgeous country house up (complete with it's surrounding fields) and put it on the outskirts of the town. Next to the canal and the duck pond, down the road from the library and round the corner from the swimming pool... that would be just perfect. (And almost definitely out of our price range.)

Small town/village sounds like a good bet given what you are saying Annafish. We live in a village and sometimes I don't feel we are rural enough - I truly would LOVE to live in the middle of nowhere!!

However, it is nice to have a village shop and a pub and to be able to walk to my friends and my kids friends houses. I would never, ever move back into a city!!

Can I just say smugly that I have the best of both worlds - backing onto fields, but 5 mins from library / swimming pool / village shop / pub.

Yes it is very child compatible.

We live in a (very small) village so the school, village shop etc are within walking distance. But the village is literally that, a group of houses with a primary school, village hall, post office, church and chapel. Our house backs onto fields, and those fields stretch as far as the eye can see. We are 5 miles outside the nearest small town - when I say small I mean no Tesco, M&S, Asda, Next etc. They are all 1.5 - 2hrs drive away.

But it is a fantastic place to bring children up, it is safe, there is a sense of community, there are open spaces like forests and fields to explore everywhere, it is just fantastic.

I would never go back to living in a city.

We live rural with dt(4) and LOVE it. Wouldn't change it for anything. We can walk to school and a village shop though. We lived semirural prior to this house and we couldn't walk anywhere and were totally dependant on the car and hated it.

Also think about school catchment areas if this is likely to be an issue for you i.e. if there is a big differntial between the good and bad schools in your area. Our LEA gives preference to applicants nearest to the schools so being in the sticks means you are not high up the list.

A good friend of mine grew up in a very rural area.

She said it was great until she was a teenager. Then there was so little to do that they used to have competitions to see who could hold onto the electric fence the longest.

I grew up in rural area, it was great in the summer when we were little, as there were 3 of us we played out and came back when hungry. I think it might be harder in that situation with just one child, we were lucky that we had built in playmates in each other.

Once we were 11/12 it was rubbish though, couldn't go anywhere without a lift, or saving up for ages for a taxi, my parents spent their whole time ferrying us around.

I now live in the suburbs of London and love it, would never move back to the countryside.