Is rural life kiddy-compatible?

[AnnaFish]

Hi all. We're looking for a new home and have seen one that fits the bill absolutely perfectly. Only trouble is, it's slap bang in the middle of the countryside, 4 miles from town. There are no pavements, no safe roads to walks on and no local shop. The junior school is a short car drive away; in fact, you'd pretty much need to get in the car to go anywhere.

I'm a total townie and have never lived in such a rural spot and we're hoping this next move will be our last. We have one daughter who is two and aren't planning any more kids.

Can anyone advise me whether it's possible to bring up a little one happily in such a secluded spot?

I'm semi rural. The main town centre is about 4 miles away but there are the odd corner shops en-route. In the other direction we are 10 mins for a M4 junction.

I think my son is pretty confident for a 4 year old, will hang from trees and climb the highest fences. He is well (over) confident with farm animals.

He can run around, make all sorts with his dumpers, tractors etc. The only down side is the road that is next to us which kids from the rouge estate down the way use as a race track and motorcrossers speed up and down without any consideration to anyone else on the road. We cant walk anywhere either which is such a pain. We arrange friends to come over, we have bbqs - actually everyone loves it. We also have amazing views of the Bristol channel and taxi rides are no problem at all.

I wouldnt say I'm trapped at all. So what about takeaways, I make my own now, I fill the freezer up, when I shop I do a proper shop. Lets face it you are bound to pass a shop on the way home too.

As for fields full of chemicals - dont know anything about this - wish we could afford to spread chemicals!

Perfect for you maybe, but will be hell on earth for the kids when they're a little older. You will move back to civilisation, for sure. Middle of nowhere is idyllic - for about 60 upwards.

With respect violethill - that's bollocks. Everyone is different. City / surburban living is the antithesis of 'civilisation' for me - and for my dd who is old enough to express an opinion. Ds doesn't have firm opinions yet at 6! And thank God we are not all the same.....

Oh I agree, there are exceptions to the rule. But having lived in rural and urban, for the majority of people, living very rurally makes things very hard going for older children/teenagers/young adults. They will be entirely dependent on you for getting anywhere. There won't be the social/educational/work options that you have in an urban area. Just a fact.
I adore the countryside, and own a house in the middle of nowehere, but no way would I live there now, with teenagers - they would hate me!!

I am going to apologise for the "with respect" bit - I hate it when people say that!

I guess I've only got the two - and in principle I am prepared to give them lifts etc when they are teenagers to enable them to do this and that (am I being naive?).

It depends entirely on how much you are prepared to give up to enable you to do that hmc.

I have always been a bit of a 'soft touch' with my kids, and even give them lifts where we live sometimes, to save them a bus fare. BUT having said that, I know that realistically I would not want to revolve my life around having to be available. I have my own work life, and DH and I want to be able to go out for the day on a Saturday, for example, without worring about having to get back at a specific time to pick up or drop off. In reality, it could go on for years, and its a big commitment if your son or daughter has a weekend job, or wants to go out in the evening etc. As I say, I adore rural life. But I think it's a very tough life for children once they are past the young phase.

AnnaFish - you will be a taxi until DCs leave home.

I grew up on a farm several miles from a village. I went to boardng school at 11 and never wanted to go back hme. It is a lonely isolating life unless parents literally are prepared to go everywhere and anywhere every time they want to see a friend. School holiday was horrible. I never saw anyone as my parents were always working.

Its not too bad if there is a good bus to the local town that young teens can go on but otherwise you are really taking on a big burden. You might not like the isolation either. Rural life is so unlike livng ina city (which I do now) its hard to know where to start. Every tiny little aspect of your life is different.

No popping to the shops if you forget something, no cafes to meet friends, broadband that is often erratic or non existent, bad weather becomes a huge factor in your life, isolation,.....I could go on.

I think if you go in with your eyes open and know that as they will be older you are going to be a taxi and you don't mind this then it's OK.

A friend of mine grew up somewhere fairly rural as did her DH and they were both desperate to move back out. Was talking to her the other day and she said she'd realised that they needed to stay where we are now as the children are getting older, which was quite interesting as she'd been adamant for so long she wanted to move back out.

Also, we were with friends who do live very rurally in Somerset the other weekend. The Saturday night was a nightmare. Her DH went out for half an hour to take her DD to a party. Some food was quickly squeezed in then she went out for half an hour to take our DH's to a beer festival as a Father's Day treat. Back home, she sat down for 20 mins then went out again for another 20 mins to pick up her DD. Sat down again for another 20 mins, couldn't face getting up again so took another 10 mins, then had to go out and pick up the DH's. By the time she came back I'd had to go to bed and we hadn't had a chance all evening to properly catch up.

Wyken - I guess I would challenge that as an argument against rural living. I lived in Peterborough when I was growing up (a reasonably sized city) and yet my parents weekend evenings were still disrupted by ferrying me to and from parties etc. I am not sure that living in 'town' precludes that, after all what responsible parent would let their teenager make their own arrangements to get home late at night after a night out on the town, even where the infrastructure (night buses etc) exists?

I think you're right to a large extent and hadn't thought of it like that. I grew up in a city and was ferried around but friends all lived very close and it was very easy for parents to take it in turns which cut down the amount to some extent. My friend does take it in turns with others but it is so much further to get them to friend's house to start with.

We did live in Somerset which is where met our friends when the DC's were younger. She did say to me that envies us where we live now (edge of market town)as she finds it is a pain now the DC's are older. Didn't think I'd ever hear her say that as she's a Farmers daughter but I think the cost of petrol is making things quite difficult with the mileage they chalk up. Then it's things like they have to have oil as aren't on gas mains and find she's spending hundreds of pounds a month. A couple of years ago when petrol rocketed again we sat down and she worked out she was spending £650 a month on petrol, oil and electricity and her part time wage was going all on energy. They've changed to a diesel since then which has helped and they do have an Aga so obviously running costs are far more, but she was really shocked to actually work it out.

If you live in a city/town, it's usually pretty reasonable to get a taxi home, which is a safe and sensible option for teenagers. If you live very rurally you'd be paying a fortune for taxi journeys.

I love the countryside - my parents and other members of my family live in gorgeous houses in beautiful rural places, and I adore the lazy summer days in the garden.

But I do not think those are suitable places to bring up children who need to go to school, to have social and educational opportunities and who will one day need to earn an income. Rural life cuts people off from the harsher realities of life. That's fine for affluent retired people but much less appropriate for children who need to grow up to learn to deal with the world as it is, rather than an idyll.

I would go further and say that teaching a teenager to have the skills to make their own arrangements is being a very responsible parent. Always being available on tap to pick them up is hardly preparing them for independent adulthood is it?
I believe I am a very responsible parent, and will pay for a taxi if my teenagers are totally skint and have an essential late night need for a ride home, but usually they pay for their own taxi out of their Saturday job money. It's part and parcel of learning to be a responsible young adult.

Gosh, Riven, are you talking about urban children who have never taken a bus on their own? I find that really hard to get a grip on.

It is a popular misconception that rural life = affluence.Not everyone in the countryside lives in a huge house with acres of land.Rural poverty is a much ignored subject.

Anyway,I was born and bought up in the countryside and am bringing my children up here too.Like Riven,I fully expect them to be catching buses on their own by the time they are teenagers.I was never ferried around when I was younger and managed to survive.

I think I have been misconstrued. Of course teenagers should be encouraged to make their own travel arrangements and catch buses etc - when mine are older there is public transport to the city which I would be happy for them to use. However, I would not let any 16 year old daughter (or indeed son) of mine catch a late bus at 11.30, full of lairy drunks to come home on a Saturday night. I would pick her (him) up, and I imagine this is the same for many 'urban' parents. Hence the distinction between urban and rural living in terms of impact on teenagers freedom of action is a little hypothetical.

Also, do teenagers really go out for the evening that frequently? I'll be expecting mine to go for a night out once a week tops, because frankly as they will still be at school until 18 for their A levels, from Sunday through Thursday they need to be thinking about school the next day! and homework!

So that leaves:

-lifts perhaps once per week on a Friday or Saturday night into town

• the odd mid week lift to whatever interest they have going, be it swimming club, horse riding lessons (you don't get much of that in the suburbs - persumably city parents have to drive their teenagers to the unchartered territory of the countryside to avail themselves of this!)

Doesn't sound too onerous to me - and certainly not a reason to choose city leaving (bleurgh) over rural

101damnations - agree with you on rural poverty. Off topic but massively ignored by the last Govt. Its all very well providing bus passes to the elderly - what if there is no bus!

Back on topic, make sure if you live in the countryside you have a good bus that will take you and your DCS to the nearest town and that town has a mainline railway station to a city.

I dont have a car and until recently lived in the country happily for 4 years (live on outskirts of a provincial town now) but had a fantastic bus service (plus school buses) direct to town only 3 miles away with direct main line to London. Taxis would drive out to us too.

I think rural life is a great place to bring up children, plural. But as an only who grew up somewhere relatively isolated with parents for whom heaven would be utter hermitude, I'd say it's not ideal for an already shy only child.

I had two friends I could play with during early primary age, but as I got a bit older, and social life actually became more important to me, I realised how cut off I was. As a result I spent virtually every weekend of my teenage years staying over at a friends' (fortunately massive) house!

And when you're young you need people to make dens/climb trees/ride bikes etc etc with. We pretty much looked after ourselves for big chunks of time, but that's because there were 3 friends in my group, of varying ages. Would you be happy to let a 5/6/7/8/9 year old girl run around fields out of sight alone?

Well I'm rural - nearest neighbours about half a mile away but saying that I'm only 10 mins from the centre of Bath.

School is fine as takes 10 mins to drive there and many children from surrounding area/villages go to the same school.

I think the school makes a big difference as ours offers many activities straight after school along with wrap around care.

I love living in the countryside and so do my children so far.

But theres rural and theres rural.