Move next summer or stay until youngest finishes sixth form?

[theyregonnaknow]

Hello,

We live in a large six bed Victorian townhouse, have been here nearly 8 years. Has all the room we need with garage and cellar and nice garden. Quiet tree lined street. Oldest child early 20s lives away from home but always has a bedroom to come to. Middle child also early 20s has just moved back home after uni to take up a job starting 45mins away, so currently living at home but has stated might want to move out when new job starts as wants independence back. Fine with us.

Youngest child going into Y11 at school next month which is a two min walk from home. Perfect. Loose plans for child to stay on at the school for sixth form, so Y11 and another two years sixth form = 3 years. This would be our maximum time for staying in this house, in this area.

BUT, half of me has this alternative future, where we relocate/downsize next summer, when youngest finishes GCSEs and does A levels elsewhere! I cannot shake this idea, almost a need, to do this, and I spend large amounts of time on rightmove saving houses! I have saved lists for multiple counties!

Teenager is horrified by this, husband agreeable as he works from home when not travelling for work.

On paper, the most logical thing is to let the teenager complete A levels here and then when they go off to uni we downsize and move away then. But then my mind starts thinking “well what if they don’t want to go to uni, what if they want to do an apprenticeship? That’s another 3-5 years, on top of the already 3 years, stuck here while they complete it!”

But next summer before A levels start is also a natural break point to make a move to where we want to be!

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you manage it? Three years really isn’t a long time, only nine school terms so it will fly by and the rational part of me says stay put and when child finishes A levels we won’t have to consider good schools or sixth forms when we do eventually move! Whereas if we move next year we definitely will have to consider that. Gahhh!

Current house is huge and a lot of housework/maintenance. I am fed up with three floors and cannot wait to live in a house with just two floors, or even a bungalow would do 😂

I’m tired of this internal conflict and just want to put it to bed!

So I say this as someone who had to move older teenagers in our case there was no option - one thrived, one absolutely fell off a cliff. So know your teenager, can they adapt to new school/teachers/friendships/sports teams/commutes/environments etc easily? The fact that are horrified by the thought suggests they aren't or at least not comfortable with it. So honestly put your plans on hold, prioritise your kid for two more years then go off and follow your dream.

You can explain you're not there as an option for post A levels - I mean they may judge you for that but it's a much better option than throwing their life into the air just before A levels

You need to define what it is you want from your home and area.

if you are saving properties in lots of different counties this sound fantasy rather than reality. And the impact isn’t resonating with you yet.

perhaps drive to different areas and back to back view some properties, do you see yourself living in that area/home/environment?

My one thing with moving straight after A-levels when teenager probably goes off to university, is that they could feel they don’t have a home to come back to. Everything’s changed at a time when they perhaps feel a little vulnerable anyway, their stability has been taken from them.

so yes, logically stay the 3 years, as you say it will come round quickly, but also consider the psychological impact on teenager if you change area and property the minute they move on.

I’m all for moving and change, I’ve lived all over the country but it is the going to the areas and looking at property where you narrow down what works for you and what doesn’t and helps define what the next move looks like.

Brilliant points ladies, thank you!

Yes the point about students coming home from uni in the holidays and feeling like a stranger in a new hometown, having had two go through uni and come home each summer for summer jobs to see their friends etc. I’ve even said to myself “but they won’t want to come home for the long summer and Christmas etc they’ll be bored and won’t know anyone if we move away.” So it’s all going round my head and there isn’t anything I haven’t considered!

I think I know deep down we will stay put for 3-5 years but then friends tell me if you have a dream to escape to the country don’t leave it too late..do it in your 50s while you can still enjoy it..and I get a bit panicky about that!

The area we are in is not home to us, so downsizing in this area isn’t an option; we moved here from overseas 7.5 years ago and have no ties to the area. We only want to live in this house, if we stay in the area 🙂

Thank you 🙏

And I agree with get on and do it. Why not start actively viewing some properties, it can take several years to find one, but if you do sooner you move. Teenager will cope and you won’t feel on hold. It will also help you work out your ideal home and location

I agree with this too!

It can also take several years to sell one too in today’s market!!

Not many people looking for a six bed three floor draughty old property 😒

We moved to a completely different place between only child's GCSEs and A-levels. He thrived at the 6th form here. He went back to the old area for uni, and did very well at uni but realised the new area is much better and chose to move back here after graduation. He moved into the family home for about a year then got his own flat. He's now very settled here with a girl from this area.

@JerseyCow13 this is encouraging to hear!

Did you attend sixth form open events in your new area while you were still in the old area? Was your child on board?

We had attended open evenings in the old area but hadn't found a sixth form we were happy with. In the new place, it was a bit different because there's only 1 state sixth form, and the private schools are all single sex, which we didn't want. The state sixth form is excellent though (and far superior to his previous school, which was rated outstanding by ofsted 🙄). So it was an easy decision where he'd go. We did a visit and he then attended the taster and induction days.

I read something by an Australian academic years ago which has stated with me. He was comparing private vs state education and looking at outcomes. His conclusion was that the single, strongest indicator of success for kids was not moving around. Those that stayed put during their school years did the best, regardless of the school.

Just food for thought as I’m sure there are exceptions but it has shaped my decisions about where we live.

Also, your teenager is horrified by the idea so it would be kinder not to move yet.

I also think that not being constrained by needing to find 6th forms etc will be massively freeing for you and will enable you to truly find your dream location. You can spend the next nine terms (which will fly!) getting the house ready for sale and travelling to check out new areas. It will make you feel like you’re making progress towards your goal.

I wouldn't have considered moving at that stage of education tbh. I think it's good for dcs to have an easy journey to college and to have a network of local friends that they have known for years, it's hard to move areas at that age. But then we chose our house and area knowing it was a place we would all be happy, it doesn't make sense to me to buy a house somewhere that I'd be miserable and wishing the years to be over until the dcs leave home.

Personally couldn’t do it their friends are everything at that age. I would tell them you will wait till after then it can take 12 months to move so just put the house on the market next summer

You can’t really put a price on a child that’s happy and settled at school. If they were unhappy, you’d be moving heaven and earth to sort it - I’d stay put

I think you've underestimated how long it can take to sell a house. If you want to move between your teen completing their GCSEs but before starting A levels, that only gives you a very narrow window.

Personally, I would wait until after they've completed their A levels before doing anything. It's only 3 years away, which is not that long in the great scheme of things, and you can use that time to go and visit/research some of the areas you are interested in to help you narrow down your search area.

I know what you mean about being obsessed with searching Rightmove though. We made the decision 2 years ago that we were going to move this year, and I was on Rightmove every day searching for properties 😆. We have now sold our house and are hoping to complete within the next few weeks. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

My parents moved a lot. Including immediately after I went to uni. Which was massively difficult, despite the fact that I was a driver and could get back to my home town. But not as difficult as them moving my sister after her GCSEs finished. A new place for Alevels gave her the ability to disappear. So when she stopped attending no one knew that was an unusual pattern for her. High risk, I would say.

i have just moved 30 mins drive or an hour on public transport from my kids’ childhood home. One is working, one at Uni. The Uni summer has been hard for seeing mates. But they’re managing it.

It has, however, taken FOREVER to move. The market is slow, especially for larger houses. It might change if the government alter stamp duty but you just don’t know if you’d get a buyer fast and risk moving before exams are done or slow and then risk moving once Alevels have started. Too risky for me. In your situation I’d wait until they’ve gone to uni. It’s far kinder.

Teenager is horrified => don't do it yet would be my advice. After A-levels is also a natural break point and your children will all be adults then, so it's not unreasonable for you to move then and they can factor that into their life planning. Get your house market ready. Don't start looking too early in detail as you might find the perfect house that you're not ready to buy. (Unless you are in a position to buy a second house and rent it out whilst you wait.)

Name changed to post as those who know me know this story.

My parents moved house ‘between’ my GCSEs and A Levels. I was devastated: I had been badly bullied for much of my school life and had just (over the course of Year 9/10) established a circle of close friends. The timeline of contract exchanges, etc, meant that we actually moved a few weeks into my A Level course: not only was I starting a new school and new courses but I was starting it several weeks late - I had reading and work to catch up on as well as trying to establish myself in a new group of people.

It was ok - I made some friends (none that endured past leaving school though) and had a reasonably good sixth form. But I never really forgave my parents for uprooting me from the town I’d known all my life, and the friends I’d just found, just because they fancied living somewhere different (no job, etc, prompted the move). They knew how devastated I was by the prospect of moving, and they could have postponed their decision to move for two years but didn’t. Since then, I’ve always known that to them, their happiness and what they wanted was more important than my well-being. It’s an interesting thing to learn.

Let your child finish their A levels at the school where he is happy. Disrupting their life now when you don't really need to is unfair on them and selfish..

If you are moving to the country I would not move until the teen has passed their driving test.

If you stay for A Levels and involve your DS in the planning of the mood he has 3 years to get used to the idea.

I wouldn't recommend staying at an school sixth form ... check their exam results in the subjects she wants. Sixth firm colleges generally out perform s hool sixth forms abd are better prep for uni.

@theyregonnaknow I haven’t read the full thread so apologies if this has already been suggested but as it seems it’s the size of house and the maintenance/cleaning that’s the main issue would downsizing in the same area not be an option?

I wouldn’t relocate my dd before doing her A levels. Most kids where I live stay on at their current school for 6th form so it would mean leaving all her friends. I’d wait the 3 years personally. I’d only move if it was completely necessary- financial reasons or a necessary job change.

I really don't understand the problem. Ok situation isn't ideal for you but you have coped so far and you have very good reason to wait with the move for a short while. What's the big deal waiting three years? If you really can't cope with the wait I would seek counselling to untangle the reasons why you feel the urgency. I would NOT move before A-Levels. Your poor kid and husband.

Thank you and yes I think this could be the crux of the issue.

I think I know deep down we won’t move between GCSEs and A levels, we’d have to list now and we’re not ready!

So we might have a look locally to see if downsizing could be a good solution 🙂

I would not put my teenager through that. Unless you really really dislike them?

If they go on to do an apprenticeship they will be earning. My son is on a DA and earns a decent wage. He lives at home (tho going on a secondment in September which means he will have to relocate for a year but work are covering living costs). He’s saving for a house deposit but if we were to move out of the area, he could easily find somewhere to live. At 18, you could have this conversation with him if he wants to stay local. Maybe just downsizing locally would be less of a wrench for everyone.