Move next summer or stay until youngest finishes sixth form?

[theyregonnaknow]

Hello,

We live in a large six bed Victorian townhouse, have been here nearly 8 years. Has all the room we need with garage and cellar and nice garden. Quiet tree lined street. Oldest child early 20s lives away from home but always has a bedroom to come to. Middle child also early 20s has just moved back home after uni to take up a job starting 45mins away, so currently living at home but has stated might want to move out when new job starts as wants independence back. Fine with us.

Youngest child going into Y11 at school next month which is a two min walk from home. Perfect. Loose plans for child to stay on at the school for sixth form, so Y11 and another two years sixth form = 3 years. This would be our maximum time for staying in this house, in this area.

BUT, half of me has this alternative future, where we relocate/downsize next summer, when youngest finishes GCSEs and does A levels elsewhere! I cannot shake this idea, almost a need, to do this, and I spend large amounts of time on rightmove saving houses! I have saved lists for multiple counties!

Teenager is horrified by this, husband agreeable as he works from home when not travelling for work.

On paper, the most logical thing is to let the teenager complete A levels here and then when they go off to uni we downsize and move away then. But then my mind starts thinking “well what if they don’t want to go to uni, what if they want to do an apprenticeship? That’s another 3-5 years, on top of the already 3 years, stuck here while they complete it!”

But next summer before A levels start is also a natural break point to make a move to where we want to be!

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you manage it? Three years really isn’t a long time, only nine school terms so it will fly by and the rational part of me says stay put and when child finishes A levels we won’t have to consider good schools or sixth forms when we do eventually move! Whereas if we move next year we definitely will have to consider that. Gahhh!

Current house is huge and a lot of housework/maintenance. I am fed up with three floors and cannot wait to live in a house with just two floors, or even a bungalow would do 😂

I’m tired of this internal conflict and just want to put it to bed!

FIL (widowed) moved as DH started Uni. DH found the whole thing very destabilising - home didn’t feel like home, didn’t know anyone in new location and no obvious way of making friends just in the Uni holidays. Really not a good idea.

There's no way I'd uproot a 16 year old if I could avoid it. Also the housing market is sluggish at best at the moment, which I suspect would make timing a move to be after GCSEs but before September pretty challenging. And do you really want the stress of viewings etc during the run up to exams?

We'd love to relocate but we're not going to even consider it until they're all through uni and well settled into adult life. I want them to come back and visit and realistically that's going to happen a lot more often if they have friends locally too.

Having relocated twice, please don't imagine that moving will wave some magic wand and make everything perfect. You'll still be the same people, just somewhere new where you don't know anyone 😀 If you're feeling disatisfied with life, maybe focus your energies on how you can make changes for the better right where you are now?

Don't do it.. your third child will always feel that the older two came first.. because they did actually come first... even if you plough more time and resources into number 3.. We are about to move and I feel bad that my youngest will not get to return home here when he comes back from university.. but we have no choice.. no job, no residence permit.. bloody Brexit!

My family moved when I turned 16, not UK but between the equivalent of GCSEs and A Levels.. I had to do a 3 year final programme and my sister had to repeat year 12.. she made a wonderful group of friends and I didn't. She was also positive about the move and I was not. I HATED it.. cried for months.. and never really got over moving. Since A levels, I have moved many many times and still feel rootless.

I think there is a chance that your child will flourish and a chance that they won't.. I have seen it over and over with migrant families.. one child is fine and one is not... avoiding that risk is one of the reasons we stayed in the same place for most of our kids school years, despite it meaning passing up on some interesting opportunities and indeed probably contributing to losing our jobs before we are ready to retire... heh ho.. didn't work out for everyone after all!

Wow.. that was more of a life reflection than I intended!!

I think it would be fair to plan to move the summer after A levels - but tell your youngest child that is the plan so they have lots of time to get used to the idea. If they go to uni, that would be the easier transition. But if they don't, you are planning to move that summer regardless.

My concern would be the effect on the teen. If they are horrified at it now, might that cause them to be distracted if the sale/viewings/packing is happening during their A Level years? I understand your point about the possibility of an apprenticeship, but that’s based on a working life with some study as opposed to all study where they’d be surrounded by friends. Besides which, setting out a timeline of “we won’t market until after your A levels” and explaining that the move will be happening then regardless of post 18 decisions might help manage those expectations.

Friend had plans to move post GCSE with their youngest. Chain got impatient and we ended up moving the weekend before the exams started. Thankfully it didn’t impact overall grades but she had to move in with family for that weekend and the wait for the results was more difficult because of that feeling they’d done the wrong thing.

I would actually prep your house ready to put on the market when you are ready to leave. Tidy up the decor, do those little jobs you're been meaning to do like replace that hinge on the cupboard door etc etc, focus on kerb appeal and being turnkey ready for the next lot to move into - seem to be the properties that are selling.
I would also research the areas you might want to live in - go spend a weekend in each area if you can and really get to know what it can offer,
I'd also consider what youngest child might wish to do for Uni, would moving to Uni town be helpful for that child/a possible place to move to for you? Or can you find somewhere where child can find work / career opportunities more easily if not going to Uni? Obviously you don't know what this child is doing yet.

I wouldn't move them before the end of sixth form, that's pretty awful for them to be disregarded like that.