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Original poster

Panicking about downsizing, talk me down please!

40 replies

cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:09

We live in a big old house, loads of floors, rooms etc. It's beautiful but it's huge and our DDs are 17 and 19, one at Uni one boarding at sixth form and the two of us rattle around it. So we were thinking of moving to something smaller, have found a lovely house, still big enough for kids/grandkids in the future. I got all excited and positive, we'd be mortgage free, more money for fun and travel.

We've signed with the EA and having pics next week-but now I'm so, so sad at leaving the place where we bought up our kids, getting rid of loads of furniture
pathetically imagining a marquee on the lawn for the DDs' weddings, we haven't even started showing people around and I was up in the wee small hours crying. It's the right thing to do, right?

OP posts:
ChippyMinton · 25/03/2016 08:11

Hmm. Too soon maybe?
What do your DDs think?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/03/2016 08:11

I don't know! Maybe you are downsizing too early. Can you imagine yourselves moved into the new house?

Original poster
cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:16

I can definitely imagine ourselves there, It's beautiful but quirky and just our kind of thing. If we were renting we'd buy it in a heartbeat but it's not as nice as our current house. It's a third cheaper so it won't be I suppose.
The girls are excited by the novelty I think but sad too.

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PurpleWithRed · 25/03/2016 08:17

No! Do it! Think of the future - how fabulous to be mortgage free and able to really enjoy what is (in my experience) the prime of your life! Imagine yourself in the new lovely house - it will be the one your grandchildren remember you living in and the one they will love.

Of course you feel sentimental about leaving and a little sad, that just shows you've been happy and have had a wonderful time so far, but the future will be fabulous too.

So have a Flowers and a Wine and start planning a lavish treehouse for the grandchildren (you have about 15 years so time to grow some good trees for it) and some decent holidays. Maybe invest some of the extra £ in driving lessons and a car for the girls so they can drive you home from the lovely restaurants you're going to be visiting. It will be brilliant!

(I speak from experience).

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/03/2016 08:19

Id say then, go ahead and put yours on the market and see how it goes. If it sells quickly you might be nostalgic and worry about your decision. If it takes months you may start to view it as a millstone round your neck and starting hating the place Grin

ExitPursuedByABear · 25/03/2016 08:19

No advice. Only you can know when it is the right time. I am sure your feelings are perfectly normal.

I smiled at your username as I was reading the review of Jackie The Musical yesterday.

Blu · 25/03/2016 08:19

Sounds more as if you are having an emotional reaction to your children growing up and moving on, and focussing on the house. It's always sad leaving a house that has been your home, and this time you won't be planning the new one ad your children's main home.

How does your dd at boarding school feel about it?

madmother1 · 25/03/2016 08:23

Do it now before you get to the point where you can't or won't move and enjoy your new found freedom. I speak from experience. My MIL owns a huge house and lives in one room with dementia. She could have downsized 30 years ago but didn't. Life is too short.

Threesoundslikealot · 25/03/2016 08:28

Am I the only person desperate to see the houses? (Don't worry, OP, I know that's not the point of this thread.)

I totally sympathise. I find change very hard, especially where I live. You have so many happy memories in your home. Try to focus on your excitement about the new house. Every time you find yourself getting upset about leaving, think of something you're looking forward to when you move. Balance it all out.

FuckyNell · 25/03/2016 08:30

We need pics to decide obviously Smile

Original poster
cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:39

Can't show house we may buy as someone else may get it before us. Pic of our house will totally out me but I don't really say anything very exciting or controversial! So here goes>>

Panicking about downsizing, talk me down please!
OP posts:
Original poster
cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:40

Oh god I've started crying again.
I think Blu called it correctly, both DDs left recently and maybe it's a reaction to that.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/03/2016 08:41

Wow that's beautiful. I see your dilemma!

Threesoundslikealot · 25/03/2016 08:43

That is beautiful. You're very lucky! But I bet the new house is also lovely.

Original poster
cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:44

It's joined at right angles to another house, so semi, not as grand as it looks!

OP posts:
P1nkP0ppy · 25/03/2016 08:45

Do it!
We downsized (not from choice) and have never regretted it one iota.

ChippyMinton · 25/03/2016 08:45

Have you lived there long? Is it the only home your DDs have had?

If it's any comfort, you can always do what DH does and drive by our previous homes when in the vicinity!

Spandexpants007 · 25/03/2016 08:48

The book is not about tidying but about serious decluttering. We only have 1/3 of our original belongings and our life is so much better/happier/simpler for it.

RandomMess · 25/03/2016 08:51

We sold up and moved away 18 months ago, I thought I would be devastated to leave those memories behind, plus I had to go back to old house weekly to finish working for 2 days each week - it was empty no furniture etc.

You know even though we were in a grotty rented house in our new location whilst the purchase and sale went through it was fine. Home was where gathered together and our belongings were the memories all came with us. The house is just a shell.

I think it's more likely you are mourning that the stage of life where you have DC at home is passing. I really mourned the end of the pre-school phase, sobbing wreck!

Original poster
cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:55

We moved when the DC were 3 and 4, so they don't remember much else.

I still drive past our old house though and would buy that if it were for sale!
I think I will put it on the market. It's a bit quirky so could take years to sell and I'll know if I'm relieved that we shouldn't move.

OP posts:
Spandexpants007 · 25/03/2016 08:55

Sorry wrong thread.

I would do it. Those memories will always be with you. And you can create new memories in your new house plus have all the advantages of being mortgage free

Piemernator · 25/03/2016 08:55

I grew up in a house very similar to that. It was beautiful with giant marble fireplaces that I could walk along as a child and my Grandmother lived in the servants quarters attached to the house.

I have never lived in anything so grand since. I do not miss the cold though I do miss the creaks of that old house. I went to a museum recently and the staircase was very similar to the house I grew up in and the way it creaked transported me back 30 years.

They are money pits and the house was a bit shabby my Mother moved to a four bed detached house when I was a teenager as my older siblings had left home and it was so comfortable she never regretted it for that reason.I just found it amazing to not have to sprint to the loo due to the temperature. The house I grew up in did not have central heating though so just imagine the cold, it was arctic.

I'm glad my Mother moved because she freed up loads of cash, tbf she had been widowed as well and it was just too much for her. It's been converted in to five apartments now.

I do think my Mother missed the gosh you live there reaction of people but she had a bit of a chippy shoulder as her sister lived in a Manor House for some years.

Original poster
cathyandclaire · 25/03/2016 08:56

I did Kondo last year, have been rather pathetic recently though and my knickers aren't rolled any more Grin

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Mumsywumsywoo · 25/03/2016 08:57

If you still have a mortgage then I would say definitely sell up. The thought of being mortgage free and having disposal income to enjoy my later years and spoil my children with would mean more than sitting in a huge house gathering dust.

Yesterday my neighbour was talking about downsizing (she is in her 60's) and she said her DM always talked about downsizing and never did, she had plans to travel and see the world, instead she left it too late and now (like a previous poster up thread) her DM has dementia and is stuck in a huge house with a carer. It has given my neighbor the push to finally think about selling up and travel herself and do the things her DM always wanted to do.

A big house is nothing unless it's filled with people.